It’s never a good time.

I was once told by a new mom that once we have children, only one partner’s career can take center stage.

It took me a while to grapple with that thought. Can two people not be supportive enough for each to have a thriving career? Is it really that hard? Does the woman always have to give her career? How do the successful women do it? There are plenty of those in my field.

For the first three years of our child’s life my partner has been a stay at home dad/ self-employed. I have worked hard at my career and I have been flourishing.

Just as things have picked up for me, the pandemic is suddenly over. My partner’s work profile is changing. I’m having a sudden sense of urgency plus doom that everything I have worked very hard for is going to come to a standstill.

Now, what my friend said many years ago, is making sense. One of us will have to take a back seat and that person is going to be me for the next few years.

Don’t mind me as I come to terms with this new reality.

How you doin?*

First day of the 8th month of 2016! Below is where I am with my plans.  Everything in bold is already done and dusted. Those in italics are a work in progress. Life has changed, plans have changed accordingly.

More important than the list that is only pertinent to my life is that life happens and just keeps happening. Plans are just plans. Something work out and other things stop being a priority. I like plans. They keep me on point. They remind me of all the things I have always wanted to do or considered important enough for me at some point to be done.

But that’s not how life turns out. I think it has been the most humbling experience of my life. Nothing has really worked out the way I have planned it. There came a time when I even stopped planning and there in lays the problem. I’ve learned that no plan is a sure path to failure. So that changed thanks to this list.

• Drink more water, 10K steps daily at a minimum
• Read the newspaper daily, not monthly
• Complete Master’s thesis – converted to PhD in Clinical Service
• Complete all pending research papers
• Write at least one paper every 3 months- working on several projects
• Network on a daily basis
• Get a better job- daily work in progress
• Log in a daily thought- daily work in progress
• Learn to bake bread, try new recipes, try new cuisines
• Meal prep weekly, weigh my food, log food, water and exercise diligently
• Weight training, swimming, yoga to be incorporated in weekly routines
• Read articles, books that don’t include school work, research articles, and news.
• Blog/Instagram/ Write reviews regularly. Make a schedule and stick with it.
• Sort out pending paper work from last year
• Continue and increase recycling- remember almost everything can be recycled
• Continue and do better with minimalistic living
• Let go of people, places, ideas and thoughts that don’t want to stay
• Remember that money saved is money earned
• Invest in property
• Travel to a destination outside of the US- Europe 🙂
• Learn Spanish-this is the year

*Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S way of saying hello..:)

 

Thought-pourri

A Monday is a good time to put some thoughts I think. I have noticed that the busier I am the more regular I am with writing on my blog. To be fair to me, I have had exams, change in course, probably working on a change in career, looking for mentors, traveling, looking for a place to buy, and staying healthy for what lies ahead of us. To say I didn’t have my plate full would be lying.

My husband and I finally went to Europe. After being together for 8 years, we finally went on the much promised/discussed visit to Paris. Will  probably write more about that in another post. Friends and family were quick to label our trip many things because now every thing has a name to it. For us, it was just a trip that took long to get on to. My husband and I relived our times in Europe, felt very young and carefree again and loved every minute of being there without having to explain any of our guilty pleasures.

I feel very tired of people around me. I feel scrutinized, judged, commented upon, advised to constantly. I miss the relationships that would just take me for who I am. I miss easy breezy relationships. I no longer feel that people would be happy for my success, or share my happiness just for it. I always seem to get questions, doubts, dark clouds. I am reaching a point where I don’t feel like sharing anything with anyone.

When there are dark clouds all over you, it is hard to stay happy and content and stress free. It is difficult to believe this is a good place to bring in a child. It is difficult to create a small bubble that feels safe and warm and yours. And despite all of it, people will tell you to. My question to them is how?

If you read all this and care to share a kind or encouraging word, or just a hi-five you are most welcome to. And don’t worry. Now that this is out of my system, I am sure life will look up.

Happy Monday, y’all. Here is to upwards and onwards!

 

Thought-pourri

Only until a few days ago, I had not hit the 30 day mark. I thought I had plenty of time and boom, I am 2 days over. While we didn’t really exchange any words I was here wondering if anyone else had.

Times are confusing. The body, mind and heart wants three very different things. The constant internal struggle is exhausting. Playing it cool, isn’t working in my favor at the moment.

Do the work, people told me. A degree gets you no where. That could be true. Am I hiding from the real world behind academia? I often question myself.

There are days when I am euphoric and I want to scream out to the world. Then there are days that I am worried and scared and my spirits are dampened. The manic depressive states has taken on a brand new meaning in this ones life.

Relationships-are they real, or they belong to a make believe world? There is always a constant flow of people which I thoroughly enjoy. But are there any roots to be laid?

When I look at him, most times I see my best friend, my buddy, sometimes he is just a little boy I love and want to take care of. Then there are days  I rest my head on his shoulders feeling loved, cared for, safe and grounded.

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all” – Hellen Keller.

Life continues to be a wonderful challenge.  How have you been?

 

 

5 months down, 7 more to go.

What is this year going to mean for me, I often ask myself. Do you? I often hold a mirror to see what I have become. Life happens to all of us, but what do we do about it? How do we let is shape us?  I don’t always like what I see in the mirror, but I tell myself things will get better. To keep myself accountable, I made a list of things I wanted to achieve by the end of this year.

The ones in bold are what I haven’t yet worked on but I need/want to rectify that. So here I am, making myself accountable on my blog.

• Wake up early(6am-ish), exercise, shower, light an aggarbatti at the home
• Drink more water, 10K steps daily at a minimum
• Read the newspaper daily, not monthly
• Complete Master’s thesis
• Complete all pending research papers
• Write at least one paper every 3 months
• Network on a daily basis
• Get a better job
• Log in a daily thought
• Learn to bake bread, try new recipes, try new cuisines- Tried a few Thai Dishes
• Meal prep weekly, weigh my food, log food, water and exercise diligently
• Weight training, swimming, yoga to be incorporated in weekly routines
• Read articles, books that don’t include school work, research articles, and news.
• Blog/Instagram/ Write reviews regularly. Make a schedule and stick with it.
• Limit online/social activity: Do it daily but restrict the number of hours on it
• Sort out pending paper work from last year
• Continue and increase recycling- remember almost everything can be recycled
• Continue and do better with minimalistic living
• Let go of people, places, ideas and thoughts that don’t want to stay
• Remember that money saved is money earned
• Invest in property: May not happen this year
• Travel to a destination outside of the US
• Learn Spanish-this is the year
• Go skating this year-maybe – I went rock climibing instead.
• Learn to dance -maybe

I know what some of you may say. Well I’ve got almost 50% of my list and we are not even done with half the year. Sometimes though to get what you want to do, you have to work on things every day of your life until you can finally bear fruits.. sometimes those very things mean much more than others.

One month down!

Daymn! Time passes off fast. This has to be the most repeated statement ever. This is my monthly check-in with my resolutions- so if you are looking for an earth shattering, soul stimulating, cryptic, funny or philosophical post, this is the time you stop reading and find another blog post to ruminate over. This right here is just a check-in from this post:

Things I’ve got: Done and dusted for the month of January!

• Drink more water, 10K steps daily at a minimum
• Write at least one paper every 3 months- working on it. Will finish 3 papers this week
• Network on a daily basis
• Get a better job- Got a new job!
• Log in a daily thought- Yes!
• Learn to bake bread, try new recipes, try new cuisines- three breads this month
• Meal prep weekly, weigh my food, log food, water and exercise diligently- Yes!
• Read articles, books that don’t include school work, research articles, and news.- 1984, Gone girl, NYT!
• Blog/Instagram/ Write reviews regularly. Make a schedule and stick with it.
• Limit online/social activity: Do it daily but restrict the number of hours on it- An hour daily.
• Continue and increase recycling- remember almost everything can be recycled- More about this in posts to come.
• Continue and do better with minimalistic living- Loving it! It is hard though.
• Let go of people, places, ideas and thoughts that don’t want to stay- Not that hard.
• Remember that money saved is money earned- Oh yeah!

Things I need to work on/ or are a work in progress:

• Complete Master’s thesis- I haven’t even started yet.
• Complete all pending research papers -on the way.
• Weight training, swimming, yoga to be incorporated in weekly routines- Haven’t started with swimming yet.
• Sort out pending paper work from last year- Haven’t really started.
• Read the newspaper daily, not monthly- Not happening yet. February-c’mmon step it up baby.
• Wake up early(6am-ish), exercise, shower, light an aggarbatti at the home. Not waking up early, but rest is good.
• Invest in property- started the process to find out how much we can afford.
• Travel to a destination outside of the US- May not happen with the new job, baby making plans etc. But a girl can dream right.
• Learn Spanish-this is the year
• Go skating this year-maybe
• Learn to dance -maybe

 

 

Call a spade a spade

Plan, resolution, intention, hope- call it what you want everyone wants to see better versions of themselves. I don’t think anyone can deny there is something about the date changing that inspires us to make changes in our lives. I have banked on this feeling for the last two years. I will admit putting things down in writing makes for a good source of accountability, reference and motivation. Unlike the past few years I have been working on my list of minor alterations that I have been wanting to do for a while. My list is long and extensive, but by no means complete. Simple mundane things of daily living have found their way into my list. So instead of scribbling these on paper, I decided to jot them down here:

• Wake up early(6am-ish), exercise, shower, light an aggarbatti at the home
• Drink more water, 10K steps daily at a minimum
• Read the newspaper daily, not monthly
• Complete Master’s thesis
• Complete all pending research papers
• Write at least one paper every 3 months
• Network on a daily basis
• Get a better job
• Log in a daily thought
• Learn to bake bread, try new recipes, try new cuisines
• Meal prep weekly, weigh my food, log food, water and exercise diligently
• Weight training, swimming, yoga to be incorporated in weekly routines
• Read articles, books that don’t include school work, research articles, and news.
• Blog/Instagram/ Write reviews regularly. Make a schedule and stick with it.
• Limit online/social activity: Do it daily but restrict the number of hours on it
• Sort out pending paper work from last year
• Continue and increase recycling- remember almost everything can be recycled
• Continue and do better with minimalistic living
• Let go of people, places, ideas and thoughts that don’t want to stay
• Remember that money saved is money earned
• Invest in property
• Travel to a destination outside of the US
• Learn Spanish-this is the year
• Go skating this year-maybe
• Learn to dance -maybe

Hmm, I think I will do a monthly check on this list. I am happy to say 2 weeks down and I have been sticking to this plan already. What are your goals?

 

 

 

It doesn’t begin even after it has…

Countless couples like me and my husband did everything in our 20’s not to have children. In our 30’s we are doing everything to have at least one child. Each one of us has our own different struggle stories. That, it is raining babies provides some sort of solace. But then it would be a lie to say it doesn’t hurt just a little bit every time we hear of our friends and family having a baby. Every month we go through the cycle of reliving our  disappointment yet again.

We hold on to hope day in and day out. We pray, we become the support the other needs. We remind ourselves that we are there for each other and that no matter what we love each other. We are each other’s anchors, because this journey can really drain you emotionally, physically, not to mention financially.

Yet we both have come to realize that having a baby isn’t the end of it. In the recent months we have been exposed to a different side to parenting. No one tells you about their autistic child, or their five year old who is diagnosed of Crohn’s disease. No one tells you how much parents worry about the health of their child, or how much their life changes. How saving for college takes on a whole new meaning. No one tells you that even when their child becomes an adult parents spend sleepless nights when they know their child is struggling. I guess not enough likes for reality.

No one tells you that if you think having a baby is tough, you have no idea what having a baby really means.

 

3.1 miles..

One Sunday I signed up for a 5K. Something I had always said I couldn’t do. It was time to shake things up and I did. The max run rate on the registration website was 15miles/hour. So I told myself if I could finish the race in less that 40 minutes I would have done it in less time than the max amount allowed. I would be happy with it. I was.

I wasn’t happy enough. That is the one thing about humans. Once we get what we wanted we start wanting something else. We are never satisfied. Sometimes it is a good thing, sometimes not so much. So another Sunday evening I signed up for a 10K, in the hope to improve on my time, stamina and performance. I am no where close to where I want be in terms of my training. But in the next 5 weeks I hope to be exactly where I should. At the finish line. Claiming my prize at the end of it, hugging the man who would be most proud of me. Texting a few people to tell them my time, who would share my joy.

On this journey and I call it a very positive one, I have met some amazing people. Those who told me to never say never and those who thought me to believe in myself. Those that showed me when you put your mind to something, you can achieve anything. When I was presented with the TCS NYC marathon after party passes, I decided that was the birthday celebration I would have. So I stood at the finish line to watch two of the four people I personally knew from the 50,000+ people who ran the marathon. It had to be the most exhilarating, emotion inducing moment for me. I cried when I joined the crowd to applaud the 94 year old man cross the finish line. I couldn’t stop jumping when I spotted my cousin make the final leap to the mark and then the one girl I have only met twice but has come to mean so much to me in the last few months, throw her hands up in the air as she owned the TCS NYC marathon.

Thank you, I couldn’t have asked for a better celebration of my birthday. 3.1 miles in absolutes isn’t a very long distance but I know it has changed my life forever.

Rock Bottom!

The great thing about being rock bottom is that you cannot go any further down. Only way is up.

There is always something good in everything! Just like my momma used to say!

Oh yeah, upwards and onwards