Category Archives: Questions.

To my Trumpsters! 

You know I’ve been respectful of your choices right?! But today I ask you, can you see yet what we see or is he still the president you think you deserve? 

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We have to talk about the elephant in the room

  1. I am an Indian (Brown) immigrant in the United States. I have been here for 3 election cycles but I do not have the right to vote yet.
  2. I have friends both democrat and republican and we have been friends for over 12 years now.
  3. I have the benefit of not choosing sides, and I have the ability to look at things from an “outsider’s” point of view.
  4. I have hope for my adopted country.

Well after that disclaimer, I feel we need to talk to one another now more than ever. There was a CNN news piece that people weren’t going to be with their families over thanksgiving this year. That was just disheartening. Doesn’t matter what our political allegiance may be, I don’t think families should be affected by it.

Having said that, I feel we are very deeply affected. When a friend of mine who is a nurse at a hospital I used to intern at, was fervently supportive of Donald Trump, it made me question a few things.

  1. Did she not really like me as I did take up a position that could have gone to an American white doctor.
  2. Does she think I should go back to India?
  3. Does she not care about what the leader of this nation believes in, whether or not he respects women, people of color, considers climate change to be real and really truly cares about the working class.
  4. Her support of Donald Trump made me wonder what she truly felt about me.
  5. It made me question the future of our friendship.

I have time and again played back the years of knowing her. She was the only one I confided in about my deepest fears and darkest thoughts. I knew she would get me. At that time she did. I have been deeply troubled about the foundation of our friendship.

I knew I had to stop letting her posts on Facebook stop affecting me. I know heart of hearts, she is the same person she was when we became friends. She and I have grown up together as people and we have had each other’s back when no one else knew that we were crumbling. No politics can take that away from us.

So I decided I am not going to let petty politics change my love for her, my attitude towards her, and if need be I will stop following her on Facebook. What about the rest of the Facebook posts. People justifying their choice of Trump and being okay with “losing friends” over Facebook.  What about those that fear or feel angry at people who did chose Trump claiming that they will delete those different from them.

I see a cry for acceptance, fear, desperation. I see the need to talk more, engage more, think more and act more. I already see people getting more involved with their community. I see people voicing themselves a little stronger/louder. I feel a little can go a long way and even though some of us think we are doomed, I see hope. A little adversity always brings out the best in people. Also, Facebook is not a measure of our relationships, people.

With that out in the open, I wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving weekend and a very happy holiday season.

 

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Monday musings

Fear is a good thing they say. It means you are about to do something brave.

Dissatisfaction is the armour of the ambitious he said. The satisfied don’t go very far.

Extroverts are the bad apples of the society. They squish the introverts.

Our dignity lies in our hands. We bring upon what we get.

Look at another perspective, because your own is flawed.

When men speak their mind, they make thinkers and philosophers; when women do, they are privileged.

We all have our opinions. Those we speak out loud and those that we keep to ourselves. We have our own fears and insecurities and prejudices. Only so many of us have the audacity of our beliefs to be honest and voice how we actually feel. Most of us don’t. I am all for opinions. But some I just can’t wrap my head around.

Which camp do you belong to?

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Friday Fives!

If I asked my 23 year old self, I would have said that I have a lot of time, medical science has advanced so much that the biological clock was a matter of old folks tales. There are plenty of stories of women in their 40’s getting pregnant. That holds true now more than then. What no one tells you is the costs of getting pregnant so late in life. I am not even alluding to money. After all, who puts a price tag on a child. The costs are more in terms of time, emotions and physical struggle. By the time a woman is in her 30’s the responsibilities, stress, commitments she has is way more than one anticipates in their 20’s. So here I am into my late 30’s wondering if I would fail in the one superpower I was born with?

The presidential electoral candidates in the United States has me worried. The country being largely divided into two groups it is difficult to agree with all the principles of one party over the other. Each party brings in good ideas with some very bad ones. Of course people vote for the party and not an individual, but don’t individuals matter? Right now all I see is a bunch of clowns. Or has Obama really set the bar that high?

Being the doctor, I am a go to person for a lot of people. I consider it a privilege that people would trust me with their most intimate fears. Come to me for a second opinion, an idea they want to run by, just to voice their concerns, or just use my being a doctor as an excuse to speak with me. When I have my doctor hat on, I am always happy to be of service. So when I get push back on the healthy living articles I forward to family and friends, or when people tell me to “chill” when I remind them that they should get their yearly medical check-ups, I am left wondering at the irony at the situation.

Please don’t kill my blog. I appreciate the fact that there are people who read my blog. Some of you that do,  reached out to me via emails/texts/instagram asking me if I was okay based on my last post. However well meaning you were, I really would have preferred comments here which is why I didn’t encourage conversations on other mediums. I write a post, to generate conversation here. If I wanted to reach out to you in person, I would have. Imagine how many more people we could have reached if we talked about things here. Blogging begets comments on blog. A blogger can hope.

On the most positive note, I was invited to join the swimming master’s class this week. I have been wanting to get to that level for a while now, but don’t think I am ready. My old swim coach mentioned that he will work at my level and get me to speed. I cannot wait. Needless to say I am excited like a school girl and giddy with happiness at the prospect of working with my old coach after 18 months.

What is making you excited and happy or sad and confused? Have a great weekend you all.

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You don’t always need words!

 

Unsaid words make for the worst conversations. The guessing game is tough, painful, and time consuming. We yearn for the truth. Who knows what that is?

*”In a face to face conversation a lot more is apparent via the non-verbal, the eye contact, body language etc, and the content of the conversation – who is contributing how much, how much monosyllabic utterances etc are being used. This assessment is difficult as it is – because how much do [you] actually know someone or what’s really going on for him/her, but particularly more difficult in written esp text chat etc, given one might not even smile but respond with LOL!*

Hopes and desires take over the senses and turn to pain and anguish. Instead can I propose some faith in your belief. Even if the words you wanted to hear weren’t uttered, trust your self, your feelings and savor the memories you made.

*”Between two people it is the underlying central character of the relationship that they share is the only thing that matters, everything else, including the quantity and quality of conversations etc is an embellishment.”*

*I would quote you, but I don’t even know how to address you, or what place you want to have in my life. Thank you for your words!

 

 

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It doesn’t begin even after it has…

Countless couples like me and my husband did everything in our 20’s not to have children. In our 30’s we are doing everything to have at least one child. Each one of us has our own different struggle stories. That, it is raining babies provides some sort of solace. But then it would be a lie to say it doesn’t hurt just a little bit every time we hear of our friends and family having a baby. Every month we go through the cycle of reliving our  disappointment yet again.

We hold on to hope day in and day out. We pray, we become the support the other needs. We remind ourselves that we are there for each other and that no matter what we love each other. We are each other’s anchors, because this journey can really drain you emotionally, physically, not to mention financially.

Yet we both have come to realize that having a baby isn’t the end of it. In the recent months we have been exposed to a different side to parenting. No one tells you about their autistic child, or their five year old who is diagnosed of Crohn’s disease. No one tells you how much parents worry about the health of their child, or how much their life changes. How saving for college takes on a whole new meaning. No one tells you that even when their child becomes an adult parents spend sleepless nights when they know their child is struggling. I guess not enough likes for reality.

No one tells you that if you think having a baby is tough, you have no idea what having a baby really means.

 

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Hello

It recently hit me that happiest people can also have a world of emptiness, fear and doubts. Just because people smile a lot, talk a lot, eat a lot or hug a lot, they don’t necessarily not struggle with daily stresses. Stress hits everyone and how we react to it, defines us.

Same goes for depression. Just because someone goes through their daily motions of wake, work, eat, exercise, sex, sleep doesn’t mean they couldn’t have have something gnawing at their hearts, minds and subconscious. Sometimes we see those symptoms, sometimes we don’t.

Counselors aren’t mythical creatures. They have gone to a real school and learned real tricks to help us reset our brains. I think it could be cultural but I see a lot of resistance to getting help. With the growing unhappiness in our society, I see an increased value in their services.

So this year, my hope for myself is to slow down a bit, relax, be content, be patient with people and things around me and find true happiness. What are your hopes for yourself?

 

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