Another one bites the dust. Is this the new go to? Is that the only way out of our troubles?
Life is tough; has been for a while. Some days I wonder if that was my answer?
I look around to remind myself, get past just one more day. Today is just not that day…
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What do you tell yourself everyday, every night, every minute. What do you dream of when you sleep at night and when you are wide awake. What is it that burns a fire inside of you? What makes you wake up every morning and sleep well at night. Have you every asked yourself, what do you really want for yourself?
On this crisp spring morning, what are you truly wanting!
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I wrote a few months ago about my struggle with a friendship. The current political climate does not help at all. The insecurity of not knowing what someone really thinks of you, is crippling to a relationship. But does one’s political affiliation make them a bad person/friend/citizen?
I am not the one to answer any of these questions. Unfortunately, this also appears to be the biggest struggle of our time. We just don’t know who our friends are. We don’t know how valued we are by the people around us. As humans we all need the validation of ourselves. The social structure around us, is diminishing the value of self esteem.
In a society where the number of likes on a Facebook picture/post or the number of hearts on an Instagram picture is more reassuring than meeting a friend in person or a one on one phone call, the factors that play into self validation have changed.
Does that change how humans feel? Is having that 3 am friend enough? Is having one friend enough when the world seeks validations from hundreds/thousands? Is there value in human contact. Of any kind?
With the changing landscape of human behavior I often ask myself, am I expecting too much from people around me? Is it too much to ask for mutual respect, compassion, affection and the ability to once in a while put the other before your own self-interests. I have often thought about what makes a successful relation and every time, it comes down to the people in it!
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Home is where the heart it. This doesn’t feel like home. Perhaps a year isn’t enough time to feel like one belongs. There is too much space that isn’t well inhabited, and there isn’t enough space for so many things that should rightfully find their place here.
The move was meant to bring good luck. I haven’t seen any evidence of that. If anything life has been tough, demanding and very heart breaking. This year has totally sucked so far. So where is the heart I wonder?
What do I need to do to get to where I’d like to be? How does one deep cleanse the old wounds to make way for the new possibilities? I often talk on this blog about letting people go. I sometimes wonder if people should be the easiest commodity to play with in our lives. It is fair to only keep the best quality of them around. What might be good for me, may not be good enough for someone else. When I am wholly and painfully aware that people are the most fragile beings, is it fair to trade them?
People are not the only commodity that one may need to deep cleanse from. What about memories to things and every thing in between that cause pain and hurt? How do we deep cleanse from those?
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There is no other way to say this but no one has it good. In the day and age of social media over load, it may seem that all people do is be happy and make merry. What we don’t share is our daily lives, with its struggles and uncertainties. What doesn’t come through those filters are our insecurities and our fears.
A month ago, my Facebook feed was flooded with R.I.P messages for a young man I met around 9 years ago. He was almost a decade younger than me in college and very shy. I met him and his sister during their spring break. Two typical brown kids in the United States. It was easy for them to see that I understood their very brown parents better than they themselves did and we bonded right away. That level of understanding-misunderstanding made us laugh, talk into the night, and share a closeness I would never encounter again. I never even met the two kids again apart from the occasional interactions via Facebook. And so when I learned of his death I reached out to the sister and parents. The devastation caused by the loss of this young brilliant warm affection human being has touched me as well. One can only imagine what people close to him feel. There is an outpouring of messages on Facebook for this young man even today, a month after his passing.
Last Saturday I was woken up by a frenzy of text messages from my co-worker. His 72 year old ex-military healthy father was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on his first visit to the ER in 30 years. How does one even come to grapple with news like that. There is no cure, there is no hope. What do you tell your family when they look to your for some rationalizing of the impossible. For advise. I can only imagine what my co-worker is going through. He is the youngest of 7 siblings. Being the only physician in the family he is going to have to suck away the last rays of hope this family has at helping their father.
I can go on and on. One may feel that god gives different share of happiness to everyone, but let me assure you, there is equal amount of crap in every ones life that they need to deal with. We didn’t get pregnant with the last IVF cycle. Rather than feeling sorry for ourselves, we are compelled to counting our blessings when we see all the misery around us. I am not even going to get into the misery that is our government, the wars, the famine, the treatable infectious diseases that plague our society. We are even losing our basic sense of decency and respect. I am shattered today for more than one reason. My hope for me, my family and the rest of the world is that despite all the craziness in the world, we can all find some peace!
Filed under Abstract, Always one step behind, Attitude, Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Condolences, Conversations, Death, Disappointments, Emotions, Experiences, Friendship, Hope, Life, Living my life, Pain, People, Personal, Pregnancy, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Wishes
Sometimes it isn’t about the person in front of you. It is about yourself. What do you allow yourself to feel and do. Have you asked yourself, did you do everything you wanted to do? Did you say yes when you really wanted to say no?
Going to read this book in 16 weeks. Will report what I think about it after!
Meanwhile watch this Ted Talk
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It is bloody hard!
Fall has been one of my favorite seasons for the longest time. As the winds get a bit cooler, the leaves change color, and pumpkins spring up everywhere I have always felt the promise of friends, fun, celebrations, food, wine and cake. So many birthdays in fall, would make me so happy.
This year has been different.
As the winds get a bit cooler, the leaves change color, and pumpkins spring up every where I am reminded of the loss I have experienced in my favorite time of the year. It is bloody hard to get excited about life.
Perhaps life wanted to sober me up. Even though I have the ability to get fully excited about fall, I am reminded that many people around me are dealing with terrible life experiences. As you know life happens to everyone.
So while I stand in solidarity with everyone who is also experiencing my struggle, I have decided I stand up tall and enjoy Fall!
Filed under Abstract, Attitude, Bonding, Camaraderie, Celebration, Challenges, Communication, Condolences, Decisions, Determination, Emotions, Experiences, Goal, Hope, Life, Loss, Motivation, Pain, Personal, Priorities, Relationships, Thoughts, Wishes