It is bloody hard!
Fall has been one of my favorite seasons for the longest time. As the winds get a bit cooler, the leaves change color, and pumpkins spring up everywhere I have always felt the promise of friends, fun, celebrations, food, wine and cake. So many birthdays in fall, would make me so happy.
This year has been different.
As the winds get a bit cooler, the leaves change color, and pumpkins spring up every where I am reminded of the loss I have experienced in my favorite time of the year. It is bloody hard to get excited about life.
Perhaps life wanted to sober me up. Even though I have the ability to get fully excited about fall, I am reminded that many people around me are dealing with terrible life experiences. As you know life happens to everyone.
So while I stand in solidarity with everyone who is also experiencing my struggle, I have decided I stand up tall and enjoy Fall!
Filed under Abstract, Attitude, Bonding, Camaraderie, Celebration, Challenges, Communication, Condolences, Decisions, Determination, Emotions, Experiences, Goal, Hope, Life, Loss, Motivation, Pain, Personal, Priorities, Relationships, Thoughts, Wishes
She is a mother of 7 and younger. She is much older and yearns to have.
She is religious and conservative. She is spiritual and a liberal.
She believes she is superior. She believes in no such thing.
She hopes. She awaits.
She has settled. She continues the search.
She is wise. She is learned
She is conflicted. She is the conflict.
They make the most unlikely of friendships.
Filed under Abstract, Bonding, Camaraderie, Conversations, Emotions, Experiences, Friends, Friendship, Hope, Life, Living my life, People, Relationships, Society, Thoughts
I called it friendship. You called it a favor. We both knew it was much more. Only you knew it was wrong. I took my heartbreak and left. It wasn’t forever as you have come back into my life. Only to break my heart again.
Filed under Conversations, Disappointments, Emotions, Friendship, Hope, Life, Love hurts, Men, Pain, People, Personal, Relationships, Sad, Short, Society, Thoughts
And we lose yet another family member. Of the three son-in-laws my grandfather had, none remain. I was particularly close to this one. Even called him papa at one time. His departure hits very close to home for more reasons than one. His wife was like a mother to my mother more than a sister. He never shied away from his own imposed responsibility even though she left us so many years ago. I truly hope he has joined his wife and are now giving my father great company. He was rather fond of them.
If for a minute people could let their egos aside, so much can be achieved. Working in a small, confined, secure group felt like the perfect place to get some good done! But that is not to be. We spend more time pacifying egos and catering to imaginary hierarchy than actually forging ahead with great ideas and hopeful hearts.
My father had the unique ability to always see the best in every situation. While I have struggled to see anything good in our current situation, I finally see the light. I see people coming together for a common cause. I see women standing up for other women. I see people being alert, taking responsibility and having a voice. And I see hope. How can I not, when people are coming together in this divided world, even if it is because of all the wrong reasons!
Filed under A first, Challenges, Decisions, Emotions, Environment, Hope, Life, Loss, Pain, People, Personal, Sad, Society, Thoughts
Papa, “I don’t think people like me”, I said one day. I was just stating an observation. “Why would you say that”, he asked. People tease me in school. They make fun of my hair and my round face. They call me names. He smiled, and he asked me, ” Are you sure they don’t like you?” He said no more.
No I wasn’t sure that they didn’t like me. So I told myself if they were talking to me, teasing me-yeah semantics they must actually like me. I learned to laugh off the unwanted attention.
For the longest time, I thought my father had ruined my perception of people’s reaction to me. I read people wrong. Perhaps I do. But what he did right was instill a level of confidence in my self-worth and my own being. Nothing anyone says, can instill any doubts in me about myself.
Thank you, papa.
Now only if people who retorted to this New York times article could have been more proud of their own achievements, than belittle it by being “offended” by a cartoonist.
Filed under Abstract, Attitude, Communication, Confusion, Conversations, Doubts, Emotions, Experiences, Hope, Humor, Inspiration, Life, musings, Philosophy
The lack of posts is because of the 5 weeks the husband and I took to travel. We decided we had had enough with our current lives. So we needed to reboot. With a bit of rearranging our lives, commitments, vacation times and bank balance we managed to get some time off. We then looked at the map and put our fingers on the farthest and warmest countries we could find.
I had my reservations. Five weeks is a long time. Same room, same food, same routines with complete lack of privacy, me time, my friends that I wasn’t sure how the husband and I would get along. I also didn’t know what the husband was going through. Why did he think this was a good idea? For me, I was mostly in it for the ride. We had our back packs, our carry-ons and off we were. Except for one day when I missed my home, I have to say I didn’t think of New York once. I guess it is true that home is where the heart is. And my heart was right there with me.
I am still jet lagged. I choose to be. My mantra is to be less stuck up this year. That is a tall order. We don’t even realize how many things just bog us down or we hold on to. So no alarms since we have come back and if the eyes are shut for 11 hours so be it. I know the luxury won’t last too long. Just because I am ready to let go, doesn’t mean the world will also be as relaxed.
This trip has been very good for me personally. I have come back refreshed, happy and determined. I have some personal and professional goals I would like to achieve which include writing more.
What are your goals? How did you ring in the new year? What do you want 2017 to be like for you?
Filed under Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Experiences, Friends, Hope, Life, Living my life, Marriage, Milestones, Motivation, New York, partner, Personal
So much has happened since I last wrote on this blog, and I do hope to write about it, but for now it is time to make some resolutions.
Last year I had a long list going. I even attempted to do status updates. I have been enjoying coming up with resolutions. I think the sense of achievement at the end of it, keeps me going.
This year I am keeping it simple! I am going to have just one aim this year.
What are your resolves for 2017?!