Thank you to all of you who have wept with me and for me. Those of you who emailed, messaged, and sent lovely notes full of love and prayer and warmth and concern. Even those of you that stayed silent, know that I understand. Some things are just hard to make any conversation about. I have been in that spot. I just didn’t know what to say, so I said a silent prayer, hoping things would get better for the person struggling.
The good thing with struggle is that I find them very character building. I had to truly work on myself and not go down the rabbit hole of asking myself or god, why me? I taught myself to say, so that happened, as does life to everyone, where to next?
I have taken my time. I have changed homes, I have traveled to 11 countries in the interim, I have worked on my relationship with my mother, I have embraced yoga, healthy eating and regular walks. I haven’t yet reached the stage of meditation or veganism, but I feel I am pretty close to being awesome ( my own measure). I definitely feel ready to give the possibility of a family with a child in it a good fight.
Join me, as I tell you more about this journey, struggle and what hormones can do to a relatively normal person!
Filed under A first, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Dreams, Expectations, Experiences, Fear, focus, Goal, Healing, Health, Life, Living my life, Marriage, musings, People, Personal, Plans, Pregnancy, Resolutions, Success, Thoughts, Wishes
Yes I have started using circulating hashtags as my blog post titles. I have absolutely no creative juices flowing. Just life happening to me and happening very fast.
We are moving from our one bedroom apartment to a two bedroom apartment. We had planned this move in time for the baby. We knew our mothers would come visit us once the baby was born and we thought a bigger place would be a good idea. Our baby is long gone but we decided to move anyway. So if any of you need a place to stay in New York city, we have an extra bedroom. Mixed feelings at this time are an understatement. I am doing my best to be excited about the change.
I have committed to writing my master’s thesis in the next 6 weeks. With the move, doctor’s follow-ups, current courses, and new job search, this is an added stress I didn’t need. But I have it and I don’t plan to back down.
My weight loss/health issues are taking a back seat. This bums me out the most but hope to get back on track. If I have learned anything in life, our health/lifestyle is the only thing we have control over. If you are anything like me, then you like that control and you really shouldn’t let go of it.
I have so much buzzing in my head these days. The US election for one, about which I want to write my thoughts on. So much is being said and written about it already, that I don’t want to add to the noise. Then again my thoughts matter so I hope I will. I want to go another vacation before the year ends, get a new job, get the master’s thesis written and get back to baby making plans. More on that another time.
How are all of you doing this Monday evening?
Filed under Challenges, Decisions, Dreams, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, focus, Goal, Healing, Health, Life, Living my life, Milestones, Motivation, Pain, Personal, Plans, Priorities, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Travel, Update
If I asked my 23 year old self, I would have said that I have a lot of time, medical science has advanced so much that the biological clock was a matter of old folks tales. There are plenty of stories of women in their 40’s getting pregnant. That holds true now more than then. What no one tells you is the costs of getting pregnant so late in life. I am not even alluding to money. After all, who puts a price tag on a child. The costs are more in terms of time, emotions and physical struggle. By the time a woman is in her 30’s the responsibilities, stress, commitments she has is way more than one anticipates in their 20’s. So here I am into my late 30’s wondering if I would fail in the one superpower I was born with?
The presidential electoral candidates in the United States has me worried. The country being largely divided into two groups it is difficult to agree with all the principles of one party over the other. Each party brings in good ideas with some very bad ones. Of course people vote for the party and not an individual, but don’t individuals matter? Right now all I see is a bunch of clowns. Or has Obama really set the bar that high?
Being the doctor, I am a go to person for a lot of people. I consider it a privilege that people would trust me with their most intimate fears. Come to me for a second opinion, an idea they want to run by, just to voice their concerns, or just use my being a doctor as an excuse to speak with me. When I have my doctor hat on, I am always happy to be of service. So when I get push back on the healthy living articles I forward to family and friends, or when people tell me to “chill” when I remind them that they should get their yearly medical check-ups, I am left wondering at the irony at the situation.
Please don’t kill my blog. I appreciate the fact that there are people who read my blog. Some of you that do, reached out to me via emails/texts/instagram asking me if I was okay based on my last post. However well meaning you were, I really would have preferred comments here which is why I didn’t encourage conversations on other mediums. I write a post, to generate conversation here. If I wanted to reach out to you in person, I would have. Imagine how many more people we could have reached if we talked about things here. Blogging begets comments on blog. A blogger can hope.
On the most positive note, I was invited to join the swimming master’s class this week. I have been wanting to get to that level for a while now, but don’t think I am ready. My old swim coach mentioned that he will work at my level and get me to speed. I cannot wait. Needless to say I am excited like a school girl and giddy with happiness at the prospect of working with my old coach after 18 months.
What is making you excited and happy or sad and confused? Have a great weekend you all.
Filed under A first, Abstract, Blogging, Camaraderie, Challenges, Coach, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Friends, Goal, Healing, Health, Hope, Inspiration, Issues, Life, Living my life, Love, Men, Motivation, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Poems, Pregnancy, Priorities, Questions., Relationships, Resolutions, Short, Society, Success, swimming, Thoughts, Update, Wishes
Plan, resolution, intention, hope- call it what you want everyone wants to see better versions of themselves. I don’t think anyone can deny there is something about the date changing that inspires us to make changes in our lives. I have banked on this feeling for the last two years. I will admit putting things down in writing makes for a good source of accountability, reference and motivation. Unlike the past few years I have been working on my list of minor alterations that I have been wanting to do for a while. My list is long and extensive, but by no means complete. Simple mundane things of daily living have found their way into my list. So instead of scribbling these on paper, I decided to jot them down here:
- Wake up early(6am-ish), exercise, shower, light an aggarbatti at the home
- Drink more water, 10K steps daily at a minimum
- Read the newspaper daily, not monthly
- Complete Master’s thesis
- Complete all pending research papers
- Write at least one paper every 3 months
- Network on a daily basis
- Get a better job
- Log in a daily thought
- Learn to bake bread, try new recipes, try new cuisines
- Meal prep weekly, weigh my food, log food, water and exercise diligently
- Weight training, swimming, yoga to be incorporated in weekly routines
- Read articles, books that don’t include school work, research articles, and news.
- Blog/Instagram/ Write reviews regularly. Make a schedule and stick with it.
- Limit online/social activity: Do it daily but restrict the number of hours on it
- Sort out pending paper work from last year
- Continue and increase recycling- remember almost everything can be recycled
- Continue and do better with minimalistic living
- Let go of people, places, ideas and thoughts that don’t want to stay
- Remember that money saved is money earned
- Invest in property
- Travel to a destination outside of the US
- Learn Spanish-this is the year
- Go skating this year-maybe
- Learn to dance -maybe
Hmm, I think I will do a monthly check on this list. I am happy to say 2 weeks down and I have been sticking to this plan already. What are your goals?
Filed under Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, focus, Food, Friends, Goal, Health, Hope, Issues, Life, Living my life, Milestones, Motivation, Personal, Plans, Resolutions, Thoughts, Update, Wishes
I am going to complete 10 years of blogging this year. I don’t have a great number of post or even a great story on this blog. I do have a story though. It is full of ups and downs, a life story that I can sit back and laugh about. I’m here living it daily, sharing small snippets of my life. Some that make sense, some that don’t. Yet, I am in a happy place and with peace with all that it has given me thus far.
When I look back I have more to smile about, than the tears I have shed. For that I am grateful. I can no longer say I don’t have regrets. Some things I truly wished had turned out differently. I live with the consequences of my thoughts, beliefs, choices and circumstances that I was thrown into.
All my life I have lived with the belief that things turn out just the way they are meant to be. Somewhere along the line I realized that unless you take reins of your life in your own hands, no matter what you do, one cannot achieve what one wants. Plans are essential, execution more so. Tangible goals in life are good to have. Does not have to be far reaching, but simple daily life things.
That is what #StepitupSeptember is all about. Some personal, health, career goals to be met in September. With 4 more months to this year, I would like for 2015 to be a lot more productive than 2014 had been.
What is brewing in your life? What are you doing for the next 4 months? Join me in the #StepitupSeptember Challenge.
I never got to publish this post. It is the last of the drafts I had started to write. I notice a common theme in all my posts when I was pregnant. I was constantly worried. About the health of the baby, my health. I know I was becoming that crazy stressed out woman. When the mother-in-law can sense your stress, you know you have gone step too far. I wonder if I wanted perfection and I was killing myself over it.
I feel the body decided that it won’t give me anything since I wanted it to be so perfect. Having gone through one pregnancy loss will I feel the same way about the next? Will I be more amenable to keeping a special needs child? Will it be fair? Will I even be the same person? Will the next child be as precious? Will I even be able to have the next child?
I crossed the 40th week a few days ago. Lots of tears later it hit me that I was still grieving. Some chocolate, some pasta, some movies later I am ready to re-start!.
Before I completely let go off the past and move on I wanted to share this last blog post.
It is the last time I may mention you but you will never be forgotten.
Another three weeks to go.
I think I am going to wait another three weeks before I will announce you to the world. It will be the early anatomy scan time in 3 weeks. So far everything has come back okay. In three weeks I will be told how you are developing and if there is anything I need to be concerned about. I will also find out if you are a boy or a girl.
My uncontrolled blood sugars aren’t helping but I am working very hard at them. Didn’t know I could be so responsible suddenly. I am generally a very responsible person, but I wouldn’t wait for the traffic lights to turn green, or drink 2-3 liters of water everyday, eat a piece of cheese every night, because I know it is the one thing that will keep my blood sugars under control. I go swimming everyday, walking most days and I am so happy doing it.
I constantly remind myself, that you didn’t ask to be born. We made you and it would be up to us to do the right by you. I am not saying I will protect you from everything I can. I actually wont. I want you to learn to survive and do it well. I just don’t want to be irresponsible. So yes you will eat your vegetables, drink your milk, exercise and watch TV only if you have earned it. I will nudge you to study and be academically oriented, and you will be given the freedom to chose any passion you want to pursue.
I cannot wait to tell the world about you!
Filed under Bonding, Communication, Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Fears, Life, Love, Personal, Pregnancy, Relationships
This phrase always bemused me. Wikipedia sums up all the potential meanings I know. The first time someone told me about hump day I raised my eyebrows and judged the good people of Bethlehem. Of course.
Today I know I need a plan. Without one and goal in mind, I am setting myself up to fail. With a plan, I will at least have a real chance. One good chance is all we need.
No matter how tough change is, sometimes that is all you need. A true change. Letting go of the known isn’t easy. But then success is at the end of your comfort zone.
Trust doesn’t come easy. It is hard to keep it even when you have it. Once lost, it is hard to get it back.
Love seems to have the same deal.
All is not lost on this hump day. A hug, a smile, a kiss, a message, a plan, some motivation, some promises and a hot cup of coffee. It is going to be great!