Category Archives: Wishes

2 weeks down 50 more to go!

Just checking in! How were your first two weeks of this year?

2 more years and we will be in 2020’s. So fascinating! Has that hit anyone yet?

As a “blogger” I fail miserably. Of all the hats I wear on a daily basis, blogger hat suffers the most. I don’t have the words I once had in my arsenal to write. I don’t have the time, I once freely enjoyed. I don’t have the will to make the effort either.

I would hope I can change that this year.





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Filed under Blogging, Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Culture, Decisions, Determination, focus, Hope, Life, Living my life, Motivation, Resolutions, Short, Wishes

It is time to say good bye… 2017. I am not going anywhere, however dismal and limited my blogging has become, just in case you thought I was going to go.

Along with a good bye, comes reflection of the past year. I have been taking small steps to reduce my internal struggles and external battles in turn. One thing that has often come to my attention is that the more I am grateful for what I have the more I will have in turn. I don’t know how that works but here are a few things that I am grateful for from 2017.

  1. Travel: I got to go on  vacation with my mother, I got to meet a dear friend in UK, and spend a lot of quality time with my husband.
  2. Health-mates: I finally opened up to people and joined Facebook walking challenges, Fitbit challenges. Finding solidarity from my health-mates has helped me stay on track.
  3. More husband time: My husband decided to quit his day job and follow his heart’s desire. I have seen him more, hugged him more, and talked to him. I have loved every minute I have got with him this past year.
  4. Becoming an advocate for myself.  I have often struggled with “seeing both sides” I still do, however I have learned that there is something to be said about having an opinion. We are all entitled to one and it is our right to defend it. I have encouraged myself to be more vocal. That in turn has made me think of what really matters to me and it has been good to know myself better
  5. Podcasts: Have discovered the world of podcasts this past year and it has changed my life. So much out there.. it has been eye opening.
  6. Opening myself to the idea of adoption.. making the decision that adding a member to my family is more important to me than feeling defeated that “I” could not make a baby.
  7. Letting go: That was my only resolution last year.. and I have to say I have done a very good job of it. I let go of negative energy, people, things and everything that sucked the energy out of me. Instead I focused on myself, my work and the people I feel closest to, those that bring positivity in my life.

What are you thankful for?

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Filed under Attitude, Blogging, Celebration, focus, Goal, Inspiration, Life, Living my life, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Plans, Priorities, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Wishes

Life is a bitch..

There is no other way to say this but no one has it good. In the day and age of social media over load, it may seem that all people do is be happy and make merry. What we don’t share is our daily lives, with its struggles and uncertainties. What doesn’t come through those filters are our insecurities and our fears.

A month ago, my Facebook feed was flooded with R.I.P messages for a young man I met around 9 years ago. He was almost a decade younger than me in college and very shy. I met him and his sister during their spring break. Two typical brown kids in the United States. It was easy for them to see that I understood their very brown parents better than they themselves did and we bonded right away. That level of understanding-misunderstanding made us laugh, talk into the night, and share a closeness I would never encounter again. I never even met the two kids again apart from the occasional interactions via Facebook. And so when I learned of his death I reached out to the sister and parents. The devastation caused by the loss of this young brilliant warm affection human being has touched me as well. One can only imagine what people close to him feel. There is an outpouring of messages on Facebook for this young man even today, a month after his passing.

Last Saturday I was woken up by a frenzy of text messages from my co-worker. His 72 year old ex-military healthy father was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on his first visit to the ER in 30 years. How does one even come to grapple with news like that. There is no cure, there is no hope. What do you tell your family when they look to your for some rationalizing of the impossible. For advise. I can only imagine what my co-worker is going through. He is the youngest of 7 siblings. Being the only physician in the family he is going to have to suck away the last rays of hope this family has at helping their father.

I can go on and on. One may feel that god gives different share of happiness to everyone, but let me assure you, there is equal amount of crap in every ones life that they need to deal with. We didn’t get pregnant with the last IVF cycle. Rather than feeling sorry for ourselves, we are compelled to counting our blessings when we see all the misery around us. I am not even going to get into the misery that is our government, the wars, the famine, the treatable infectious diseases that plague our society. We are even losing our basic sense of decency and respect. I am shattered today for more than one reason. My hope for me, my family and the rest of the world is that despite all the craziness in the world, we can all find some peace!

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Filed under Abstract, Always one step behind, Attitude, Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Condolences, Conversations, Death, Disappointments, Emotions, Experiences, Friendship, Hope, Life, Living my life, Pain, People, Personal, Pregnancy, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Wishes

Zero fucks to be given…

Art of not giving a fuck

Sometimes it isn’t about the person in front of you. It is about yourself. What do you allow yourself to feel and do. Have you asked yourself, did you do everything you wanted to do? Did you say yes when you really wanted to say no?

Going to read this book in 16 weeks. Will report what I think about it after!

Meanwhile watch this Ted Talk

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Filed under A first, Abstract, Attitude, Challenges, Communication, Determination, Disappointments, Expectations, Humor, Life, Living my life, People, Personal, Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Truth, Wishes

I am going to give this one last good fight!

Thank you to all of you who have wept with me and for me. Those of you who emailed, messaged, and sent lovely notes full of love and prayer and warmth and concern. Even those of you that stayed silent, know that I understand. Some things are just hard to make any conversation about. I have been in that spot. I just didn’t know what to say, so I said a silent prayer, hoping things would get better for the person struggling.

The good thing with struggle is that I find them very character building. I had to truly work on myself and not go down the rabbit hole of asking myself or god, why me? I taught myself to say, so that happened, as does life to everyone, where to next?

I have taken my time. I have changed homes, I have traveled to 11 countries in the interim, I have worked on my relationship with my mother, I have embraced yoga, healthy eating and regular walks. I haven’t yet reached the stage of meditation or veganism, but I feel I am pretty close to being awesome ( my own measure). I definitely feel ready to give the possibility of a family with a child in it a good fight.

Join me, as I tell you more about this journey, struggle and what hormones can do to a relatively normal person!


Filed under A first, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Dreams, Expectations, Experiences, Fear, focus, Goal, Healing, Health, Life, Living my life, Marriage, musings, People, Personal, Plans, Pregnancy, Resolutions, Success, Thoughts, Wishes

Oh marriage?!

So apt to find this draft which has only the title on this page. Yesterday was Karva Chauth. A day I think is supposed to be a private event. At least that is how I grew up to believe it was.

My childhood and tradition forming period in time missed the Karan Johar movies, who in my opinion has completely ruined the sanctity and the way we approach our traditions. Too commercialized in my opinion. And really if your mother didn’t do KC, don’t start now just to be invited to a KC party.

First of all, if anyone thinks that even a non-science educated women, believes fasting/ praying to the moon will either improve her relationship with her husband or increase the longevity of her husband’s life, then you are not giving this said woman basic respect. We women at least in today’s age, know that none of it is true; even as we recite the ancient mythical story of Karva and wait in vain for the moon as it never rises on time.

So I asked myself yesterday, why do I do this fast. I am after all a doctor and a scientist. Why when I have been trained in critical thinking and asking sound clinical questions, do I drop everything to fast, cook up a feast and wait for the moon to rise. I don’t even particularly pray when the moon does show up.

Quite honestly I don’t know. Marriage is bloody hard. It is a daily work in progress.  My once a year fast does nothing for our marriage. Well may be a little. It boosts the man’s ego, I get fussed about all day by the man who cannot get over the fact that I would fast for him, so he makes promises he wouldn’t otherwise. Quite worth it, if you ask me. 😉



Filed under Attitude, Culture, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Love, Marriage, Men, partner, Personal, Questions., Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Wishes

I am taking my fall back!

It is bloody hard!

Fall has been one of my favorite seasons for the longest time. As the winds get a bit cooler, the leaves change color, and pumpkins spring up everywhere I have always felt the promise of friends, fun, celebrations, food, wine and cake. So many birthdays in fall, would make me so happy.

This year has been different.

As the winds get a bit cooler, the leaves change color, and pumpkins spring up every where I am reminded of the loss I have experienced in my favorite time of the year. It is bloody hard to get excited about life.

Perhaps life wanted to sober me up. Even though I have the ability to get fully excited about fall, I am  reminded that many  people around me are dealing with terrible life experiences. As you know life happens to everyone.

So while I stand in solidarity with everyone who is also experiencing my struggle, I have decided I stand up tall and enjoy Fall!



Filed under Abstract, Attitude, Bonding, Camaraderie, Celebration, Challenges, Communication, Condolences, Decisions, Determination, Emotions, Experiences, Goal, Hope, Life, Loss, Motivation, Pain, Personal, Priorities, Relationships, Thoughts, Wishes