There is always an internal struggle. The need to be loved and accepted versus the need to be right and righteous. More often than not the need to be loved empowers even the strongest of people. The grief of letting go of your principles hurts no less.
What does one do when one of the most sacred of relationships has no substance in it. The kind of relationship that poets have defended, novelists have written pages upon and those that are even backed by science. It is supposed to be the one relationship one can take for granted and rely upon all your life. What if that relationship never existed.
Resistance is a show of defiance, strength even. At times however, completely letting go, takes away the power from the other person. If you don’t react to abuse, the abuser has no power left over you. Sometimes and really only sometimes, show no resistance. They cannot push or pull you against anything.
What defines a good relationship? Loyalty? Unconditional love? Being blind to the other’s failings. Should they be blind to ours? Is it possible to be honest in our relationships any more? Are the little white lies the only true foundation of most relationships?
Pray do tell…
Filed under Abstract, Camaraderie, Communication, Disappointments, Life, Living my life, Pain, People, Personal, Philosophy, Questions., Rants, Relationships, Society, Thoughts
A Monday is a good time to put some thoughts I think. I have noticed that the busier I am the more regular I am with writing on my blog. To be fair to me, I have had exams, change in course, probably working on a change in career, looking for mentors, traveling, looking for a place to buy, and staying healthy for what lies ahead of us. To say I didn’t have my plate full would be lying.
My husband and I finally went to Europe. After being together for 8 years, we finally went on the much promised/discussed visit to Paris. Will probably write more about that in another post. Friends and family were quick to label our trip many things because now every thing has a name to it. For us, it was just a trip that took long to get on to. My husband and I relived our times in Europe, felt very young and carefree again and loved every minute of being there without having to explain any of our guilty pleasures.
I feel very tired of people around me. I feel scrutinized, judged, commented upon, advised to constantly. I miss the relationships that would just take me for who I am. I miss easy breezy relationships. I no longer feel that people would be happy for my success, or share my happiness just for it. I always seem to get questions, doubts, dark clouds. I am reaching a point where I don’t feel like sharing anything with anyone.
When there are dark clouds all over you, it is hard to stay happy and content and stress free. It is difficult to believe this is a good place to bring in a child. It is difficult to create a small bubble that feels safe and warm and yours. And despite all of it, people will tell you to. My question to them is how?
If you read all this and care to share a kind or encouraging word, or just a hi-five you are most welcome to. And don’t worry. Now that this is out of my system, I am sure life will look up.
Happy Monday, y’all. Here is to upwards and onwards!
Filed under Always one step behind, Blogging, Bonding, Camaraderie, Career, Challenges, Communication, Confusion, Conversations, Culture, Dreams, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Friends, Life, Living my life, Marriage, Men, Motivation, People, Personal, Philosophy, Priorities, Rants, Relationships, Society, Success, Thoughts, Wishes
Only until a few days ago, I had not hit the 30 day mark. I thought I had plenty of time and boom, I am 2 days over. While we didn’t really exchange any words I was here wondering if anyone else had.
Times are confusing. The body, mind and heart wants three very different things. The constant internal struggle is exhausting. Playing it cool, isn’t working in my favor at the moment.
Do the work, people told me. A degree gets you no where. That could be true. Am I hiding from the real world behind academia? I often question myself.
There are days when I am euphoric and I want to scream out to the world. Then there are days that I am worried and scared and my spirits are dampened. The manic depressive states has taken on a brand new meaning in this ones life.
Relationships-are they real, or they belong to a make believe world? There is always a constant flow of people which I thoroughly enjoy. But are there any roots to be laid?
When I look at him, most times I see my best friend, my buddy, sometimes he is just a little boy I love and want to take care of. Then there are days I rest my head on his shoulders feeling loved, cared for, safe and grounded.
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all” – Hellen Keller.
Life continues to be a wonderful challenge. How have you been?
Filed under Abstract, Blogging, Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Facts, Fears, Hope, Life, People, Personal, Plans, Relationships, Thoughts, Wishes
Unsaid words make for the worst conversations. The guessing game is tough, painful, and time consuming. We yearn for the truth. Who knows what that is?
*”In a face to face conversation a lot more is apparent via the non-verbal, the eye contact, body language etc, and the content of the conversation – who is contributing how much, how much monosyllabic utterances etc are being used. This assessment is difficult as it is – because how much do [you] actually know someone or what’s really going on for him/her, but particularly more difficult in written esp text chat etc, given one might not even smile but respond with LOL!*
Hopes and desires take over the senses and turn to pain and anguish. Instead can I propose some faith in your belief. Even if the words you wanted to hear weren’t uttered, trust your self, your feelings and savor the memories you made.
*”Between two people it is the underlying central character of the relationship that they share is the only thing that matters, everything else, including the quantity and quality of conversations etc is an embellishment.”*
*I would quote you, but I don’t even know how to address you, or what place you want to have in my life. Thank you for your words!
Filed under A first, Abstract, Communication, Confusion, Conversations, Emotions, Expectations, Friends, Hope, Life, Love, Men, Opinion, People, Philosophy, Questions., Relationships, Society, Thoughts
Action. Belief. Emotions. Reaction.
Filed under Abstract, Doubts, Friends, Friendship, Life, Love, Love hurts, Pain, People, Philosophy, Relationships, Thoughts
It’s very lonely. Most battles have to be fought alone. There is help or advice available, but the actions have to be one’s own.
The one thing we have power over is the one power we give away most readily. Next time you eat a french fry I want you to think about it.
I always voiced my concerns about smokers. I am finding that obesity is equally bad. I might have to join a new fight, starting with myself.
A goal without a plan is just a wish. Nothing could be truer in my case. There is so much I want to achieve but I don’t seem to have the appropriate plans. That will change starting now, especially since I caught myself looking at sprint triathlon dates for next year.
I love my family. I detest my family. Enough said.
Happy Thursday y’all!
I am blessed with all of you in my life. You have stuck by me through all these years. It says more about you being a good friend than me. You all have put up with my brutal honesty, my lack of social skills bordering at awkwardness. You all gave me the space when I needed to focus on my education. Thankfully you continue to do so. You all encourage me when I embark on my new adventures and have always had a kind word to soothe me. Sometimes I feel like you all know me better than I know myself. For that I am very grateful.
Over the years we have all grown up, aged and changed as people. Some for the better, some not so much. Despite our changing priorities I am grateful to still have you in my life. I hope you know I understand you are not the same person you were 10 years ago. I understand your need for space, growth and new friends. I hope that you can do that too.
There are somethings I don’t understand though. I don’t understand your lack of confidence in yourself. You are educated with careers you have chosen, have great families and wonderful children to speak of. You may not have everything on your list, but from where I and the rest of world sees it, you have arrived in life. I hope you can see it too.
Some of us are happily married. I hope you know marriage is a work in progress. Let me rephrase. Marriage is a daily work in progress. There is no denying, I have been very blessed with my husband. By no means is he perfect or our relationship without its failings. We have great days and we have terrible ones. Point being, men aren’t perfect but neither are we. You may not have what I have, but you will get what you are destined for. Don’t give up on love and happiness and a great partner.
Most of all, I don’t understand your lack of enthusiasm for life, lack of opinion, lack of the fire we had all set out with. Like you have for me, I am happy to step back if you need the time. I hope you bounce back. We have so much to live for, so much to see, so much to enjoy,and so much to fight for. There will be tears and disappointments through it all, but remember there will always be us!
Filed under A first, Bonding, Camaraderie, Coach, Communication, Confusion, Decisions, Disappointments, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Opinion, People, Thoughts