Category Archives: Men

They don’t make ’em like that anymore

Being born in a very modest salaried family I was raised in a one bedroom apartment. Love, respect, freedom, consideration, compassion and tolerance are some of the values I learned there. I may not have had much else, but love and respect were abound.

My father was the sole earner for the longest time. He would leave a set amount of cash in a common place where my mother knew she could pick up money for herself; as and when she needed it. No questions asked.

As a young child, I always considered it an endearing arrangement between my parents. I revered my father for the respect and freedom he ensured my mother received. My mother never felt the deprivation, control, lack of self respect that comes with lack of an income.  Her economic empowerment at at time that she made no money, was inspiring.

When I got married, I wanted a set amount of money to be put aside for me naturally. I used to call it “pocket money”. Times had changed, credit cards were the way to go, my then new husband said to me. He abhorred the idea of pocket money, but instead gave me 3 credit cards to use. Of course I was taken aback. I didn’t want to feel like I had to explain the money I would like to spend on me.

I could spend whatever money I wanted to, he would often reassure me. Instead I felt like I was being controlled. I couldn’t wait to get my “own money” to feel the same love and freedom my mother enjoyed so many years ago.

My “own money” didn’t come for the longest time. Graduate school and medical residency lends itself to school loans and large credit card bills, not an income. So where does that leave me. Still no pocket money, instead 3 credit cards to my name and a not so new husband taking care of me and all of my expenses.

Only recently was I listening to a documentary on the plight of women in some societies. Rich husbands who would provide an “allowance” to their wives. In a society which does not invest in its women to educate them which could then translate to empowerment seems unreal. But it isn’t. As I was listening to this documentary with my blood boiling to all degrees of fury, I was reminded of my own equation with my husband.

He never once bought into the whole “pocket money”/ “allowance” business despite my several protests. And though there was a lack of that second paycheck he always treated me as an equal. It has only taken me 9 years of being married to finally appreciate this level of respect and love. It is true, they don’t make ’em like that any more. 🙂

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Filed under Always one step behind, Attitude, Experiences, Hope, Life, Marriage, Men, musings, partner, People, Personal, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Truth

Oh marriage?!

So apt to find this draft which has only the title on this page. Yesterday was Karva Chauth. A day I think is supposed to be a private event. At least that is how I grew up to believe it was.

My childhood and tradition forming period in time missed the Karan Johar movies, who in my opinion has completely ruined the sanctity and the way we approach our traditions. Too commercialized in my opinion. And really if your mother didn’t do KC, don’t start now just to be invited to a KC party.

First of all, if anyone thinks that even a non-science educated women, believes fasting/ praying to the moon will either improve her relationship with her husband or increase the longevity of her husband’s life, then you are not giving this said woman basic respect. We women at least in today’s age, know that none of it is true; even as we recite the ancient mythical story of Karva and wait in vain for the moon as it never rises on time.

So I asked myself yesterday, why do I do this fast. I am after all a doctor and a scientist. Why when I have been trained in critical thinking and asking sound clinical questions, do I drop everything to fast, cook up a feast and wait for the moon to rise. I don’t even particularly pray when the moon does show up.

Quite honestly I don’t know. Marriage is bloody hard. It is a daily work in progress.  My once a year fast does nothing for our marriage. Well may be a little. It boosts the man’s ego, I get fussed about all day by the man who cannot get over the fact that I would fast for him, so he makes promises he wouldn’t otherwise. Quite worth it, if you ask me. 😉

 

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Filed under Attitude, Culture, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Love, Marriage, Men, partner, Personal, Questions., Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Wishes

I want to be your bride all over again.

When the boy said he wanted to marry me, I told him I had my career on my mind. He then spoke to my father and asked his permission to marry me, with a vow to fulfill all my dreams.,be it career, travel, family, food, all with love, compassion, care and respect.

And he has kept his promise beyond my wildest expectations. He has done so every single day. Despite our fights, silences, disagreements, frustrations, setbacks, intermingled with long sighs, doubts and disappointments, the boy has been rock solid. He has been my friend, husband, confidant, and the best travel buddy I could have asked for.

He is the person I try all my new recipes on, the confidant who listens to my daily woes. He is the friend I want to be held by when I’m having a bad day, the voice I want to hear when I need to know that I will survive.  He is that man whose smile brightens up my day, whose gentle strokes on my back soothe my very worst days. He is the husband who showed me how to love my family more, be more patient, be more giving. He is the guy who makes me a better person.

The day I married you, was the best and most fun day in my life. That day was magical but I had no idea that I was embarking on the best journey of my life. For all the laughs, tears, hugs, phone conversations, kisses, long walks on the beach, comfortable silences, star gazing nights, new year’s eve filled with fireworks and more, I want to be your bride all over again.

*No it’s not our anniversary or his birthday. 🙂

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Reflection 005

I pass by  ice-cream trucks everyday. I have no desire to eat one. I do however smile each time. On your return I’m going to enjoy bullying you to share one with me. It struck me this morning, it’s you that brings out the child in me not the ice cream. 

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Heart break 

I called it friendship. You called it a favor. We both knew it was much more. Only you knew it was wrong. I took my heartbreak and left. It wasn’t forever as you have come back into my life. Only to break my heart again. 

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Filed under Conversations, Disappointments, Emotions, Friendship, Hope, Life, Love hurts, Men, Pain, People, Personal, Relationships, Sad, Short, Society, Thoughts

Happy Thanksgiving…

You know the biggest joke about thanksgiving?  “Only people in American will have bloody wars over materialistic things 24 hours after they have said thanks for everything they already have.”

Despite all the commercialization, blood bath and expensive travel that happens this week, Thanksgiving continues to be my favorite American holiday.

You get blessings, kindness and love from the most unexpected places. My father used to tell me that always do good, with no expectations in return. Even if you don’t receive from the same person, God will look out for you and you will receive when the time is right. Just do your thing. I am thankful for that advice now more than ever. Having had a few rough years myself, I have reaffirmed my belief that everyone has their own struggles. Just because we know nothing about them, and people always put up a brave front, doesn’t mean they don’t have struggles of their own. Be nice, it doesn’t take away anything from anyone. I am very grateful for the sound advise.

I am very thankful for my husband. Not only has he loved me despite all odds, he has embraced my family, my friends, along with our craziness. I haven’t changed as a person “just because I got married.” I have changed a great deal because I have grown up as a person, professionally and personally. I continue to be a work in progress, but every time I look into my husband’s eyes- I see his idea of perfection. I am very grateful for his love.

There are people I haven’t met in person, or met very briefly, and yet I am very thankful they are in my life. Some have sent me countless messages of encouragement, love and support while others have given it to me straight. Even though life has tried it’s best to pull me down, it has also showed me just how you bounce back, thanks to these very people. I am very grateful to know, that people who have full lives of their own will take time out for you. Whether it is making you feel special on your birthday, or remind you that there is no place for stress-induced-ruining-of-health. I am very grateful to see them make a place for me, even in their very full hearts.

I am thankful to this blogging space. No matter how much you have been ignored, you are right where I need you to be. I am really glad I have this space to vent /rant /complain /reminisce /pontificate /laugh /ridicule and just be myself. Eleven years and going strong!

Happy Thanksgiving y’all.

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Thought-pourri

A Monday is a good time to put some thoughts I think. I have noticed that the busier I am the more regular I am with writing on my blog. To be fair to me, I have had exams, change in course, probably working on a change in career, looking for mentors, traveling, looking for a place to buy, and staying healthy for what lies ahead of us. To say I didn’t have my plate full would be lying.

My husband and I finally went to Europe. After being together for 8 years, we finally went on the much promised/discussed visit to Paris. Will  probably write more about that in another post. Friends and family were quick to label our trip many things because now every thing has a name to it. For us, it was just a trip that took long to get on to. My husband and I relived our times in Europe, felt very young and carefree again and loved every minute of being there without having to explain any of our guilty pleasures.

I feel very tired of people around me. I feel scrutinized, judged, commented upon, advised to constantly. I miss the relationships that would just take me for who I am. I miss easy breezy relationships. I no longer feel that people would be happy for my success, or share my happiness just for it. I always seem to get questions, doubts, dark clouds. I am reaching a point where I don’t feel like sharing anything with anyone.

When there are dark clouds all over you, it is hard to stay happy and content and stress free. It is difficult to believe this is a good place to bring in a child. It is difficult to create a small bubble that feels safe and warm and yours. And despite all of it, people will tell you to. My question to them is how?

If you read all this and care to share a kind or encouraging word, or just a hi-five you are most welcome to. And don’t worry. Now that this is out of my system, I am sure life will look up.

Happy Monday, y’all. Here is to upwards and onwards!

 

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