Category Archives: Men

Reflection 005

I pass by  ice-cream trucks everyday. I have no desire to eat one. I do however smile each time. On your return I’m going to enjoy bullying you to share one with me. It struck me this morning, it’s you that brings out the child in me not the ice cream. 

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Heart break 

I called it friendship. You called it a favor. We both knew it was much more. Only you knew it was wrong. I took my heartbreak and left. It wasn’t forever as you have come back into my life. Only to break my heart again. 

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Happy Thanksgiving…

You know the biggest joke about thanksgiving?  “Only people in American will have bloody wars over materialistic things 24 hours after they have said thanks for everything they already have.”

Despite all the commercialization, blood bath and expensive travel that happens this week, Thanksgiving continues to be my favorite American holiday.

You get blessings, kindness and love from the most unexpected places. My father used to tell me that always do good, with no expectations in return. Even if you don’t receive from the same person, God will look out for you and you will receive when the time is right. Just do your thing. I am thankful for that advice now more than ever. Having had a few rough years myself, I have reaffirmed my belief that everyone has their own struggles. Just because we know nothing about them, and people always put up a brave front, doesn’t mean they don’t have struggles of their own. Be nice, it doesn’t take away anything from anyone. I am very grateful for the sound advise.

I am very thankful for my husband. Not only has he loved me despite all odds, he has embraced my family, my friends, along with our craziness. I haven’t changed as a person “just because I got married.” I have changed a great deal because I have grown up as a person, professionally and personally. I continue to be a work in progress, but every time I look into my husband’s eyes- I see his idea of perfection. I am very grateful for his love.

There are people I haven’t met in person, or met very briefly, and yet I am very thankful they are in my life. Some have sent me countless messages of encouragement, love and support while others have given it to me straight. Even though life has tried it’s best to pull me down, it has also showed me just how you bounce back, thanks to these very people. I am very grateful to know, that people who have full lives of their own will take time out for you. Whether it is making you feel special on your birthday, or remind you that there is no place for stress-induced-ruining-of-health. I am very grateful to see them make a place for me, even in their very full hearts.

I am thankful to this blogging space. No matter how much you have been ignored, you are right where I need you to be. I am really glad I have this space to vent /rant /complain /reminisce /pontificate /laugh /ridicule and just be myself. Eleven years and going strong!

Happy Thanksgiving y’all.

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Thought-pourri

A Monday is a good time to put some thoughts I think. I have noticed that the busier I am the more regular I am with writing on my blog. To be fair to me, I have had exams, change in course, probably working on a change in career, looking for mentors, traveling, looking for a place to buy, and staying healthy for what lies ahead of us. To say I didn’t have my plate full would be lying.

My husband and I finally went to Europe. After being together for 8 years, we finally went on the much promised/discussed visit to Paris. Will  probably write more about that in another post. Friends and family were quick to label our trip many things because now every thing has a name to it. For us, it was just a trip that took long to get on to. My husband and I relived our times in Europe, felt very young and carefree again and loved every minute of being there without having to explain any of our guilty pleasures.

I feel very tired of people around me. I feel scrutinized, judged, commented upon, advised to constantly. I miss the relationships that would just take me for who I am. I miss easy breezy relationships. I no longer feel that people would be happy for my success, or share my happiness just for it. I always seem to get questions, doubts, dark clouds. I am reaching a point where I don’t feel like sharing anything with anyone.

When there are dark clouds all over you, it is hard to stay happy and content and stress free. It is difficult to believe this is a good place to bring in a child. It is difficult to create a small bubble that feels safe and warm and yours. And despite all of it, people will tell you to. My question to them is how?

If you read all this and care to share a kind or encouraging word, or just a hi-five you are most welcome to. And don’t worry. Now that this is out of my system, I am sure life will look up.

Happy Monday, y’all. Here is to upwards and onwards!

 

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Friday Fives!

If I asked my 23 year old self, I would have said that I have a lot of time, medical science has advanced so much that the biological clock was a matter of old folks tales. There are plenty of stories of women in their 40’s getting pregnant. That holds true now more than then. What no one tells you is the costs of getting pregnant so late in life. I am not even alluding to money. After all, who puts a price tag on a child. The costs are more in terms of time, emotions and physical struggle. By the time a woman is in her 30’s the responsibilities, stress, commitments she has is way more than one anticipates in their 20’s. So here I am into my late 30’s wondering if I would fail in the one superpower I was born with?

The presidential electoral candidates in the United States has me worried. The country being largely divided into two groups it is difficult to agree with all the principles of one party over the other. Each party brings in good ideas with some very bad ones. Of course people vote for the party and not an individual, but don’t individuals matter? Right now all I see is a bunch of clowns. Or has Obama really set the bar that high?

Being the doctor, I am a go to person for a lot of people. I consider it a privilege that people would trust me with their most intimate fears. Come to me for a second opinion, an idea they want to run by, just to voice their concerns, or just use my being a doctor as an excuse to speak with me. When I have my doctor hat on, I am always happy to be of service. So when I get push back on the healthy living articles I forward to family and friends, or when people tell me to “chill” when I remind them that they should get their yearly medical check-ups, I am left wondering at the irony at the situation.

Please don’t kill my blog. I appreciate the fact that there are people who read my blog. Some of you that do,  reached out to me via emails/texts/instagram asking me if I was okay based on my last post. However well meaning you were, I really would have preferred comments here which is why I didn’t encourage conversations on other mediums. I write a post, to generate conversation here. If I wanted to reach out to you in person, I would have. Imagine how many more people we could have reached if we talked about things here. Blogging begets comments on blog. A blogger can hope.

On the most positive note, I was invited to join the swimming master’s class this week. I have been wanting to get to that level for a while now, but don’t think I am ready. My old swim coach mentioned that he will work at my level and get me to speed. I cannot wait. Needless to say I am excited like a school girl and giddy with happiness at the prospect of working with my old coach after 18 months.

What is making you excited and happy or sad and confused? Have a great weekend you all.

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You don’t always need words!

 

Unsaid words make for the worst conversations. The guessing game is tough, painful, and time consuming. We yearn for the truth. Who knows what that is?

*”In a face to face conversation a lot more is apparent via the non-verbal, the eye contact, body language etc, and the content of the conversation – who is contributing how much, how much monosyllabic utterances etc are being used. This assessment is difficult as it is – because how much do [you] actually know someone or what’s really going on for him/her, but particularly more difficult in written esp text chat etc, given one might not even smile but respond with LOL!*

Hopes and desires take over the senses and turn to pain and anguish. Instead can I propose some faith in your belief. Even if the words you wanted to hear weren’t uttered, trust your self, your feelings and savor the memories you made.

*”Between two people it is the underlying central character of the relationship that they share is the only thing that matters, everything else, including the quantity and quality of conversations etc is an embellishment.”*

*I would quote you, but I don’t even know how to address you, or what place you want to have in my life. Thank you for your words!

 

 

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Being married..

..is not the same as being happily married. I consider it the most demanding political career one can juggle with other careers. I’ve said this before and I’ll hopefully keep saying it again. I have a good marriage. It doesn’t come easy for either of us is something I don’t often talk about. A good marriage is a daily work in progress requiring a daily reminder towards our commitments towards each other. This takes effort, restraint, thinking and lots of active participation, along with love respect and devotion.

During this visit to India, I’ve come across a growing concern for the current and future generations of newly married couples. The dissent in marriage is even experienced by those married for over a decade. True story- nothing surprising there.

My top few reasons for growing divorce rates in a country that is considered culturally conservative, full of sari clad women, and well raised boys.

1. The above statement isn’t true. There is no respect. Period. For life, elders, women or the institution of marriage to name a few. There is no culture. There are no well raised children. The false sense of entitlement is taking away from the inherent Indian culture of respect and restraint. Men remain boys and well women can use some growing up as well.

2. Communication. Absolutely essential in a successful marriage but instead of talking to each other, married couples are talking about each other. If not on whatsapp and Facebook then via phone to mommy dearest which is never a good idea.

3. Pride: this could have been a good thing but when one constantly thinks they can get better because they deserve better, they stop appreciating what they have. Everyone in a relation needs constant validation, so give a little take a little. Let Mr. Pride take a hike.

4. Commitment: The infamous chalta hai attitude is creeping into our married lives. It’s okay to hit on another’s wife, it’s okay to share a drink with another’s husband. While flirtation and social drinking are harmless in themselves it is the intention behind these actions that are causing an increase in distrust and divorces. When one becomes callous about their partner’s feelings there is bound to be unhappiness.

16th marked 7 years to the day I said my marriage vows in a social gathering. Mutual respect, communication and trust form the foundation of the relationship we share. I’m grateful for good sense and God for making these last 7 years that happiest of my life. We are by no means the perfect happy couple, but we are perfect for each other.

Happy anniversary dear!

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