You know I’ve been respectful of your choices right?! But today I ask you, can you see yet what we see or is he still the president you think you deserve?
Category Archives: Camaraderie
The lack of posts is because of the 5 weeks the husband and I took to travel. We decided we had had enough with our current lives. So we needed to reboot. With a bit of rearranging our lives, commitments, vacation times and bank balance we managed to get some time off. We then looked at the map and put our fingers on the farthest and warmest countries we could find.
I had my reservations. Five weeks is a long time. Same room, same food, same routines with complete lack of privacy, me time, my friends that I wasn’t sure how the husband and I would get along. I also didn’t know what the husband was going through. Why did he think this was a good idea? For me, I was mostly in it for the ride. We had our back packs, our carry-ons and off we were. Except for one day when I missed my home, I have to say I didn’t think of New York once. I guess it is true that home is where the heart is. And my heart was right there with me.
I am still jet lagged. I choose to be. My mantra is to be less stuck up this year. That is a tall order. We don’t even realize how many things just bog us down or we hold on to. So no alarms since we have come back and if the eyes are shut for 11 hours so be it. I know the luxury won’t last too long. Just because I am ready to let go, doesn’t mean the world will also be as relaxed.
This trip has been very good for me personally. I have come back refreshed, happy and determined. I have some personal and professional goals I would like to achieve which include writing more.
What are your goals? How did you ring in the new year? What do you want 2017 to be like for you?
Last week starting Sunday had to be the best and the worst week for me this year.
Sunday kicked off Diwali celebrations in our new apartment. I wasn’t up to company, celebrations, or even embracing the new place. I am not very good with change. But perhaps change is exactly what we needed.
I love birthdays in general. Mine most of all. EVERYONE should know that. This year has been miserably tough. Every birthday I am reminded that I lost my first baby just a day after my birthday. This year I had hoped my second baby would make it to my birthday so we could have had a fighting chance. That didn’t happen either. I almost didn’t want to live through the day, because I didn’t know if I had it in me to face the potential burst of emotions.
The birthday came despite my denial with a promise that four days later it would be my husband’s. The old man turned 40 this year. I decided to give him a birthday he could feel loved, honored and appreciated for who he is! So I took solace that I had something else to think about.
Last week my husband and I experienced pouring in of love, affection, hugs, phone calls and messages. People came out in numbers to join us in our attempt to celebrate life that exists and forget even if for just a second of the life that didn’t make it. I am touched by the effort our friends made to take time out of their busy schedules to ensure we were made to feel special and loved.
Even though this was a tough week to live by, the universe had other plan for us. With the love we have experienced in the last one week, I feel we are stronger and more prepared for the challenges that lie ahead of us. I got to make my husband feel loved and appreciated and nothing makes me happier than a 40 year old man, feel like a young boy again.
A very happy birthday to both of us! I am ready for the world again 🙂
Five things that don’t help when you have just lost a 6 month fetus!
1. Well wishers tip toeing around you. They want to say something “right”. But they have absolutely no clue what to say. There is no right or wrong. We lost a child. Or the potential of being a real person. We lost our dreams and hopes and aspirations. We lost our own potential. It’s like doing everything you could to get a job, you go through 6 rounds of interviews. In your gut you think you got it this time. Why would you get to the 6th round of it wasn’t meant to be. And yet the job goes to another candidate. Nothing against the other candidate. But why not me? So yeah. There is no “right” thing to say. But say something. It’s a freaking huge loss. Don’t hide behind political correctness.
2. People telling you, it wasn’t meant to be. Something better is in store for you. This I feel is the worst. This is probably the most true, but it’s also the worst thing to tell a would be mother. It seems like getting pregnant isn’t what it used to be. You know two people have awkward sex at the back of the car and wham! Positive test. It takes months and years of trying, doctors visits, medical treatments, artificial insemination/fertilizations yada-yaad-ya. And even then there are no guarantees. Then the ensuing pregnancy related issues of nausea, taste changes, gi upsets, mood swings, etc etc. Accompanied by doctors visits, injections, tests and more tests. When finally things settle and you start to feel the slightest hint of life inside -those sweet kicks. Then to lose a child. You got to be freaking kidding me. Something better??? Why wasn’t this it? I was so ready to put it all behind me.
3. Everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant and having healthy babies. How does that happen??? Why didn’t I get my success story? Some of my friends are having their second child. When they want that child- like on demand. And here it took me 16 months to get pregnant that too with help. I want to know what they are doing differently.
4. Your mom comes to your rescue. I’m sure women like their mums to be around. The whole mother-daughter relationship, understanding, bonds of love, etc. I don’t particularly relate to that. I have a pretty kickass mom. She was on a 15 hour flight to the US within 4 hours of being told, that I was taken to the hospital. She felt rightly so that we would need her. And we do. Just to have another human being, the most well meaning, caring, fabulous cook of an awesome person that she is. However, she insists on daily massages, an agarbatti to the gods, three meals, cheerful conversations and ice cream after every meal. I feel like I need to indulge in her before she loses her shit. She is barely holding it together being brave and strong for her daughter. But I see the pain she feels for her little girl in her eyes.
5. Having the best husband/ partner in life. If the man you lost a baby with was a bit of a scumbag, then you could throw a tantrum, stay in a bad mood, eat what you wanted to and shut him out of your life. Just to make sense of what life threw at you. But when you see relief intermixed with fear in the eyes of your man as you get wheeled out of the OR, feeling empty and defeated rather than pain and disappointment, you can’t push your rock away. You want to hold them and grieve your loss together. Sometimes you just don’t know how. We make promises of staying strong together. We tell each other we love each other. We promise we won’t give up. We hope to learn and grow from this experience. We will. Yet I know we both are struggling with the pain we each feel our ourselves and for each other.
Dissatisfaction is the armour of the ambitious he said. The satisfied don’t go very far.
Extroverts are the bad apples of the society. They squish the introverts.
Our dignity lies in our hands. We bring upon what we get.
Look at another perspective, because your own is flawed.
When men speak their mind, they make thinkers and philosophers; when women do, they are privileged.
We all have our opinions. Those we speak out loud and those that we keep to ourselves. We have our own fears and insecurities and prejudices. Only so many of us have the audacity of our beliefs to be honest and voice how we actually feel. Most of us don’t. I am all for opinions. But some I just can’t wrap my head around.
Which camp do you belong to?
First day of the 8th month of 2016! Below is where I am with my plans. Everything in bold is already done and dusted. Those in italics are a work in progress. Life has changed, plans have changed accordingly.
More important than the list that is only pertinent to my life is that life happens and just keeps happening. Plans are just plans. Something work out and other things stop being a priority. I like plans. They keep me on point. They remind me of all the things I have always wanted to do or considered important enough for me at some point to be done.
But that’s not how life turns out. I think it has been the most humbling experience of my life. Nothing has really worked out the way I have planned it. There came a time when I even stopped planning and there in lays the problem. I’ve learned that no plan is a sure path to failure. So that changed thanks to this list.
- Drink more water, 10K steps daily at a minimum
- Read the newspaper daily, not monthly
- Complete Master’s thesis – converted to PhD in Clinical Service
- Complete all pending research papers
- Write at least one paper every 3 months- working on several projects
- Network on a daily basis
- Get a better job- daily work in progress
- Log in a daily thought- daily work in progress
- Learn to bake bread, try new recipes, try new cuisines
- Meal prep weekly, weigh my food, log food, water and exercise diligently
- Weight training, swimming, yoga to be incorporated in weekly routines
- Read articles, books that don’t include school work, research articles, and news.
- Blog/Instagram/ Write reviews regularly. Make a schedule and stick with it.
- Sort out pending paper work from last year
- Continue and increase recycling- remember almost everything can be recycled
- Continue and do better with minimalistic living
- Let go of people, places, ideas and thoughts that don’t want to stay
- Remember that money saved is money earned
- Invest in property
- Travel to a destination outside of the US- Europe 🙂
- Learn Spanish-this is the year
*Joey from F.R.I.E.N.D.S way of saying hello..:)
Two more weeks and we will have crossed another milestone in our lives. I am terrified but also very excited. Look out for an announcement here.
Nothing clears up the mind and soul like genuine conversations with good friends. I am happy, inspired and totally motivated by the wonderful girl friends in my life.
The best advise I have heard in the past few weeks has been to be myself. Sometimes, the person we are, our personality is all the armour we need.
A few years ago, I mentioned on this blog, that I had no regrets. I would live my life just the way I had. Now a few years later I have plenty. I really wished I had done a few things differently.
Nominating the first female presidential nominee by a leading party has made history in the United States. It’s taken them 240 years after independence to finally see a woman worthy of the office. Is there anyone else who sees the problem with it?
Happy Friday! Next week, I plan to review where I am with my resolutions for this year