Things to do this week:
One clinical day, one medical-education day, 5 one hour presentations, 3 meetings for graduate school, master’s thesis revisions for submission due, PhD proposal hard deadlines due. Apart from this regular work week, I have guests coming to stay with us from India. I am beyond excited and can barely concentrate on what needs to be done.
So today’s mantra: Clear your mind of can’t. I’ll let you all know if I survive this week!
How does your week look like?
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I wrote a few months ago about my struggle with a friendship. The current political climate does not help at all. The insecurity of not knowing what someone really thinks of you, is crippling to a relationship. But does one’s political affiliation make them a bad person/friend/citizen?
I am not the one to answer any of these questions. Unfortunately, this also appears to be the biggest struggle of our time. We just don’t know who our friends are. We don’t know how valued we are by the people around us. As humans we all need the validation of ourselves. The social structure around us, is diminishing the value of self esteem.
In a society where the number of likes on a Facebook picture/post or the number of hearts on an Instagram picture is more reassuring than meeting a friend in person or a one on one phone call, the factors that play into self validation have changed.
Does that change how humans feel? Is having that 3 am friend enough? Is having one friend enough when the world seeks validations from hundreds/thousands? Is there value in human contact. Of any kind?
With the changing landscape of human behavior I often ask myself, am I expecting too much from people around me? Is it too much to ask for mutual respect, compassion, affection and the ability to once in a while put the other before your own self-interests. I have often thought about what makes a successful relation and every time, it comes down to the people in it!
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This post will probably resonate with someone who has been in a relationship for a long time and perhaps time isn’t the most essential factor. Being in a relationship for real is the only real qualification you need to understand where I come from.
If anyone thinks that love is enough to sustain a relationship, how wrong would they be? Sometimes I wonder if the concept of love is over rated. What really is love, someone please do tell me.
When I met my husband years ago we would often discuss the what if’s in our lives. We liked planning for our future. Even then we were aware that the worst life has to offer can happen to the best of people. We saw people around us breaking up their relationships for the darndest of reasons. We often would ask each other what would be our limit.
All rosey eyed and in love I didn’t have answers when I first met my husband. But over time I knew for me, lack of respect in a relationship would be the end of that relationship.
Then again what does respect mean? To me it means a smile, a hug, a warm squeeze of the arm on a tough day, doing small things over the apartment when you know the partner cannot do it due to time constraints, bringing over food, sending silly smileys over the phone just to bring a smile on your face. Sometimes it could mean being in your corner when the family seems against you, or going for Tibetan momos 4 weeks in a row because your partner has crazy cravings for them.
You may say that is love. Yes part of it is. Rest of it goes way beyond love! What do you think?
Filed under A first, Camaraderie, Challenges, Culture, Emotions, Life, Love, Personal, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Truth
An unusual text message. Unlikely person to send it. Unlikely time to get it. Something had to be wrong. It was. I lost a part of my childhood instantaneously. I lost my mind, had my heart broken and my soul shattered. The one person I know I can always turn to, didn’t seem like the one I should turn to. Despair, pain, and loss of my footing is an unknown and uncomfortable place to be. Three weeks out now and I am still grappling with this new reality.
An unknown future lies ahead of me. Some of the uncertainty is my own making. Just like grief, some of us deal with stress with the five stages. I have surpassed denial and anger. Current state lies some where between depression and bargaining. Some days I want to give it all up and then other days, I remind myself I wasn’t born to give up. As in Finding Nemo, one just has to keep swimming.
An unlikely friendship could have been nurtured, but as time passes it seems to be very unlikely. There is very little space for disrespect, flakiness, and entitled behavior. Fully aware that it is hard to create bonds of friendship as an adult, I generally keep a high threshold for poor judgement and behavior. Something I have learned in my years of making and keeping good friends, is that if we believe we deserve good quality people in our life, then we don’t need to settle for poor quality relationships. We just have to keep the faith and continue striving for good.
Not all is lost as I start this year on a rather somber and humbling note. I celebrated 9 years with my wonderful husband. We have laughed and cried together through this beautiful life journey. Despite its ups and downs I would go on this exact same journey with this man many many times over. A quote by Ellen DeGeneres perhaps summarizes my relationship a tad bit better, ” To be loved is wonderful, to be understood is profound”
So how has your new year been so far?
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Just checking in! How were your first two weeks of this year?
2 more years and we will be in 2020’s. So fascinating! Has that hit anyone yet?
As a “blogger” I fail miserably. Of all the hats I wear on a daily basis, blogger hat suffers the most. I don’t have the words I once had in my arsenal to write. I don’t have the time, I once freely enjoyed. I don’t have the will to make the effort either.
I would hope I can change that this year.
Filed under Blogging, Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Culture, Decisions, Determination, focus, Hope, Life, Living my life, Motivation, Resolutions, Short, Wishes
There is no other way to say this but no one has it good. In the day and age of social media over load, it may seem that all people do is be happy and make merry. What we don’t share is our daily lives, with its struggles and uncertainties. What doesn’t come through those filters are our insecurities and our fears.
A month ago, my Facebook feed was flooded with R.I.P messages for a young man I met around 9 years ago. He was almost a decade younger than me in college and very shy. I met him and his sister during their spring break. Two typical brown kids in the United States. It was easy for them to see that I understood their very brown parents better than they themselves did and we bonded right away. That level of understanding-misunderstanding made us laugh, talk into the night, and share a closeness I would never encounter again. I never even met the two kids again apart from the occasional interactions via Facebook. And so when I learned of his death I reached out to the sister and parents. The devastation caused by the loss of this young brilliant warm affection human being has touched me as well. One can only imagine what people close to him feel. There is an outpouring of messages on Facebook for this young man even today, a month after his passing.
Last Saturday I was woken up by a frenzy of text messages from my co-worker. His 72 year old ex-military healthy father was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on his first visit to the ER in 30 years. How does one even come to grapple with news like that. There is no cure, there is no hope. What do you tell your family when they look to your for some rationalizing of the impossible. For advise. I can only imagine what my co-worker is going through. He is the youngest of 7 siblings. Being the only physician in the family he is going to have to suck away the last rays of hope this family has at helping their father.
I can go on and on. One may feel that god gives different share of happiness to everyone, but let me assure you, there is equal amount of crap in every ones life that they need to deal with. We didn’t get pregnant with the last IVF cycle. Rather than feeling sorry for ourselves, we are compelled to counting our blessings when we see all the misery around us. I am not even going to get into the misery that is our government, the wars, the famine, the treatable infectious diseases that plague our society. We are even losing our basic sense of decency and respect. I am shattered today for more than one reason. My hope for me, my family and the rest of the world is that despite all the craziness in the world, we can all find some peace!
Filed under Abstract, Always one step behind, Attitude, Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Condolences, Conversations, Death, Disappointments, Emotions, Experiences, Friendship, Hope, Life, Living my life, Pain, People, Personal, Pregnancy, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Wishes
Thank you to all of you who have wept with me and for me. Those of you who emailed, messaged, and sent lovely notes full of love and prayer and warmth and concern. Even those of you that stayed silent, know that I understand. Some things are just hard to make any conversation about. I have been in that spot. I just didn’t know what to say, so I said a silent prayer, hoping things would get better for the person struggling.
The good thing with struggle is that I find them very character building. I had to truly work on myself and not go down the rabbit hole of asking myself or god, why me? I taught myself to say, so that happened, as does life to everyone, where to next?
I have taken my time. I have changed homes, I have traveled to 11 countries in the interim, I have worked on my relationship with my mother, I have embraced yoga, healthy eating and regular walks. I haven’t yet reached the stage of meditation or veganism, but I feel I am pretty close to being awesome ( my own measure). I definitely feel ready to give the possibility of a family with a child in it a good fight.
Join me, as I tell you more about this journey, struggle and what hormones can do to a relatively normal person!
Filed under A first, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Dreams, Expectations, Experiences, Fear, focus, Goal, Healing, Health, Life, Living my life, Marriage, musings, People, Personal, Plans, Pregnancy, Resolutions, Success, Thoughts, Wishes