Tag Archives: Change

Thought-pourri

Only until a few days ago, I had not hit the 30 day mark. I thought I had plenty of time and boom, I am 2 days over. While we didn’t really exchange any words I was here wondering if anyone else had.

Times are confusing. The body, mind and heart wants three very different things. The constant internal struggle is exhausting. Playing it cool, isn’t working in my favor at the moment.

Do the work, people told me. A degree gets you no where. That could be true. Am I hiding from the real world behind academia? I often question myself.

There are days when I am euphoric and I want to scream out to the world. Then there are days that I am worried and scared and my spirits are dampened. The manic depressive states has taken on a brand new meaning in this ones life.

Relationships-are they real, or they belong to a make believe world? There is always a constant flow of people which I thoroughly enjoy. But are there any roots to be laid?

When I look at him, most times I see my best friend, my buddy, sometimes he is just a little boy I love and want to take care of. Then there are days  I rest my head on his shoulders feeling loved, cared for, safe and grounded.

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all” – Hellen Keller.

Life continues to be a wonderful challenge.  How have you been?

 

 

Advertisements

2 Comments

Filed under Abstract, Blogging, Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Facts, Fears, Hope, Life, People, Personal, Plans, Relationships, Thoughts, Wishes

One month down!

Daymn! Time passes off fast. This has to be the most repeated statement ever. This is my monthly check-in with my resolutions- so if you are looking for an earth shattering, soul stimulating, cryptic, funny or philosophical post, this is the time you stop reading and find another blog post to ruminate over. This right here is just a check-in from this post:

Things I’ve got: Done and dusted for the month of January!

  • Drink more water, 10K steps daily at a minimum
  • Write at least one paper every 3 months- working on it. Will finish 3 papers this week
  • Network on a daily basis
  • Get a better job- Got a new job!
  • Log in a daily thought- Yes!
  • Learn to bake bread, try new recipes, try new cuisines- three breads this month
  • Meal prep weekly, weigh my food, log food, water and exercise diligently- Yes!
  • Read articles, books that don’t include school work, research articles, and news.- 1984, Gone girl, NYT!
  • Blog/Instagram/ Write reviews regularly. Make a schedule and stick with it.
  • Limit online/social activity: Do it daily but restrict the number of hours on it- An hour daily.
  • Continue and increase recycling- remember almost everything can be recycled- More about this in posts to come.
  • Continue and do better with minimalistic living- Loving it! It is hard though.
  • Let go of people, places, ideas and thoughts that don’t want to stay- Not that hard.
  • Remember that money saved is money earned- Oh yeah!

Things I need to work on/ or are a work in progress:

  • Complete Master’s thesis- I haven’t even started yet.
  • Complete all pending research papers -on the way.
  • Weight training, swimming, yoga to be incorporated in weekly routines- Haven’t started with swimming yet.
  • Sort out pending paper work from last year- Haven’t really started.
  • Read the newspaper daily, not monthly- Not happening yet. February-c’mmon step it up baby.
  • Wake up early(6am-ish), exercise, shower, light an aggarbatti at the home. Not waking up early, but rest is good.
  • Invest in property- started the process to find out how much we can afford.
  • Travel to a destination outside of the US- May not happen with the new job, baby making plans etc. But a girl can dream right.
  • Learn Spanish-this is the year
  • Go skating this year-maybe
  • Learn to dance -maybe

 

 

6 Comments

Filed under Blogging, Challenges, Communication, Decisions, Determination, Disappointments, Dreams, focus, Friends, Goal, Health, Home, Issues, Life, Living my life, Milestones, Motivation, People, Personal, Plans, Priorities, Resolutions, Success, Thoughts, Update, Wishes

Hello

It recently hit me that happiest people can also have a world of emptiness, fear and doubts. Just because people smile a lot, talk a lot, eat a lot or hug a lot, they don’t necessarily not struggle with daily stresses. Stress hits everyone and how we react to it, defines us.

Same goes for depression. Just because someone goes through their daily motions of wake, work, eat, exercise, sex, sleep doesn’t mean they couldn’t have have something gnawing at their hearts, minds and subconscious. Sometimes we see those symptoms, sometimes we don’t.

Counselors aren’t mythical creatures. They have gone to a real school and learned real tricks to help us reset our brains. I think it could be cultural but I see a lot of resistance to getting help. With the growing unhappiness in our society, I see an increased value in their services.

So this year, my hope for myself is to slow down a bit, relax, be content, be patient with people and things around me and find true happiness. What are your hopes for yourself?

 

7 Comments

Filed under Abstract, Always one step behind, Blogging, Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Confusion, Conversations, Culture, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Fears, focus, Goal, Healing, Health, Hope, Life, Living my life, Motivation, Opinion, Philosophy, Priorities, Questions., Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Update, Wishes

3.1 miles..

One Sunday I signed up for a 5K. Something I had always said I couldn’t do. It was time to shake things up and I did. The max run rate on the registration website was 15miles/hour. So I told myself if I could finish the race in less that 40 minutes I would have done it in less time than the max amount allowed. I would be happy with it. I was.

I wasn’t happy enough. That is the one thing about humans. Once we get what we wanted we start wanting something else. We are never satisfied. Sometimes it is a good thing, sometimes not so much. So another Sunday evening I signed up for a 10K, in the hope to improve on my time, stamina and performance. I am no where close to where I want be in terms of my training. But in the next 5 weeks I hope to be exactly where I should. At the finish line. Claiming my prize at the end of it, hugging the man who would be most proud of me. Texting a few people to tell them my time, who would share my joy.

On this journey and I call it a very positive one, I have met some amazing people. Those who told me to never say never and those who thought me to believe in myself. Those that showed me when you put your mind to something, you can achieve anything. When I was presented with the TCS NYC marathon after party passes, I decided that was the birthday celebration I would have. So I stood at the finish line to watch two of the four people I personally knew from the 50,000+ people who ran the marathon. It had to be the most exhilarating, emotion inducing moment for me. I cried when I joined the crowd to applaud the 94 year old man cross the finish line. I couldn’t stop jumping when I spotted my cousin make the final leap to the mark and then the one girl I have only met twice but has come to mean so much to me in the last few months, throw her hands up in the air as she owned the TCS NYC marathon.

Thank you, I couldn’t have asked for a better celebration of my birthday. 3.1 miles in absolutes isn’t a very long distance but I know it has changed my life forever.

IMG_7161

Leave a comment

Filed under A first, Birthday, Celebration, Determination, Inspiration, Life, Living my life, Motivation, Plans, Running

The friendship bubble has burst!

Rant and just short of profanity! You have been warned.

That would have had to be the most underwhelming phone call I have participated in. One would think that a conversation that was put off for 13 plus years would have a more crescendo inducing high octave kind of finale. If the last few words do not make sense, don’t worry, the conversation didn’t either.

With the recent influx of “means of communication” you know you will eventually cross paths. When you physically and emotionally avoid having a conversation for years, you expect the said conversation to mean something, leave you happy, make the wait worth it, have a good effect on you. Something different in this conversation would be a reasonable expectation to have, right? You know, since people grow up, have children of their own, go through life. One would expect that things would change, people would change. That would be a reasonable expectation to have. Right? Wrong. Somethings don’t change, some people don’t change. EVER!

For all the heartache, loss of faith in relationships, some very messed up behavior and expensive counselor bills that have followed the last 13 plus years, I can finally say it wasn’t worth it. You weren’t worth it then, you aren’t worth it now. You do have the uncanny ability to screw someone else’s life and make them believe that it was all their fault. That is a gift which has brought you far and yet when I see you, I find you at exactly the same place. I will give you credit for the one truth you did speak- I gave you too much credit and you didn’t deserve it. Amen to that brother!

So, while I am on a roll, let’s just clear up one more thing. I never wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Respect, trust and freedom a very crucial elements in a relationship to me. I am not surprised you couldn’t see it, being all blinded by the love of your life. I bet if she knew what I did about you, she would not have stuck by your either. Actually scratch that. She may have. You are perfect for each other, you need someone to stoke your ego, she needed someone to pay the bills. Match made in heaven.

All said and done, I would like to thank you for one thing. I learned what friends should not be. You were my best lesson in life. Now that I have this off my chest, I think I can go back to being normal, trusting, non-judgmental, and giving friend that I was raised to be.

3 Comments

Filed under Communication, Conversations, Emotions, Friends, Life, Sad, Thoughts

When seasons change.

There is hope of change. Moving away from what has been. An opportunity. One we may need. One we may not necessarily like but an opportunity nonetheless. One would think the past could be left behind. Or at least hope that with the change of the season, a certain novelty in the current state could be endeavored. Perhaps that is a lofty goal. Perhaps one should aim high. Perhaps it is time to stop and smell the roses.

No matter what the season is changing. It is time to embrace what it brings with it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Abstract, Communication, Decisions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Priorities, Update

How do they do it?

Just when I thought I deserved to take a break- of course something important is due. As of yesterday.

I want to know how successful people do it. Stay on top of things. Not stress out. Or do, and they just don’t show it?

I attended a conference recently and one of the presidents of the societies, is the Chief of pediatric surgery at a leading hospital in this country, researcher with 2 grants to his name, a lab with over 50 people being mentored in it, husband, father, board of member of his synagogue, competitive swimmer. The list was endless. Everyone who was present there spoke of how wonderful a human being he was, how his sense of humor kept everyone going and that he was truly deserving of everything that he achieved.

Of course I joined the 1500 members in giving this man a standing ovation. I felt truly honored and inspired to be in the company of such an accomplished human being.

Now I am back to my own reality. I struggle everyday. I make countless lists and sleep well even when I am able to accomplish less than 50% on it. Somehow I feel this needs to stop. I need to have more goals and I need to realize the urgency. I am hitting mid-life in about 15 years but it is coming. Quicker that we know it.

I want to tear my hair out and scream and shout and hide from reality, most of the time. But sometimes you meet some one and you wonder how do they do it?

Leave a comment

Filed under Always one step behind, Determination, Motivation, Success