Quieter days, shut doors at night. The lost love, doesn’t feel as bad.
Missing are the conversations, hugs and kisses. Those days are long gone.
The sun doesn’t shine as bright, nor does the rain come down hard.
Has autumn made its way already? Is Summer really gone?
Filed under Abstract, Disappointments, Doubts, Emotions, Experiences, Friendship, Life, Loss, Love, Love hurts, Marriage, Pain, partner, People, Personal, Questions., Relationships, Short, Society, Thoughts
I had 4 blogs. None getting the attention, I thought I would give them. In the years that I have been blogging, I have resisted the urge to start forty six blogs, even though I really wanted to. I realize that there are many facets to our existence. Even though I occupy one body I live several lives. I don’t suffer from any disorders I can assure you. Just because I like food, travel, theater, medicine, research, or would love to write about varied topics, I know that people who read this blog might not have the same interests. Hence the need for different blogs. You know to tease out the right audience, so I can generate some conversation on the blog. We all would like a meaning conversation on our blogs. With the way my blogs were going (no where), I wanted to change things up. So I merged three blogs into one. For now I have two blogs. I plan on starting another but I will wait a while before I get into that.
I don’t recollect when I stopped being vociferous about my opinions. I have plenty like all of us do. Like all of us should. I even disagree strongly. I just don’t voice my thoughts. I find people very volatile with poorly researched facts voicing their opinions based on their emotions and perceptions rather than putting the facts together, or listening to other points of view. There is no discussion to be had with such people. Which over the years I find is almost every body. Small minded people, who lack intellect, are really not worth getting into a discussion with. So over time I have changed from talking to listening missing real conversations with real people. Unfortunately those very ignorant think I agree with them because I don’t oppose them. If only!
A Monday is a good time to put some thoughts I think. I have noticed that the busier I am the more regular I am with writing on my blog. To be fair to me, I have had exams, change in course, probably working on a change in career, looking for mentors, traveling, looking for a place to buy, and staying healthy for what lies ahead of us. To say I didn’t have my plate full would be lying.
My husband and I finally went to Europe. After being together for 8 years, we finally went on the much promised/discussed visit to Paris. Will probably write more about that in another post. Friends and family were quick to label our trip many things because now every thing has a name to it. For us, it was just a trip that took long to get on to. My husband and I relived our times in Europe, felt very young and carefree again and loved every minute of being there without having to explain any of our guilty pleasures.
I feel very tired of people around me. I feel scrutinized, judged, commented upon, advised to constantly. I miss the relationships that would just take me for who I am. I miss easy breezy relationships. I no longer feel that people would be happy for my success, or share my happiness just for it. I always seem to get questions, doubts, dark clouds. I am reaching a point where I don’t feel like sharing anything with anyone.
When there are dark clouds all over you, it is hard to stay happy and content and stress free. It is difficult to believe this is a good place to bring in a child. It is difficult to create a small bubble that feels safe and warm and yours. And despite all of it, people will tell you to. My question to them is how?
If you read all this and care to share a kind or encouraging word, or just a hi-five you are most welcome to. And don’t worry. Now that this is out of my system, I am sure life will look up.
Happy Monday, y’all. Here is to upwards and onwards!
Filed under Always one step behind, Blogging, Bonding, Camaraderie, Career, Challenges, Communication, Confusion, Conversations, Culture, Dreams, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Friends, Life, Living my life, Marriage, Men, Motivation, People, Personal, Philosophy, Priorities, Rants, Relationships, Society, Success, Thoughts, Wishes
If I asked my 23 year old self, I would have said that I have a lot of time, medical science has advanced so much that the biological clock was a matter of old folks tales. There are plenty of stories of women in their 40’s getting pregnant. That holds true now more than then. What no one tells you is the costs of getting pregnant so late in life. I am not even alluding to money. After all, who puts a price tag on a child. The costs are more in terms of time, emotions and physical struggle. By the time a woman is in her 30’s the responsibilities, stress, commitments she has is way more than one anticipates in their 20’s. So here I am into my late 30’s wondering if I would fail in the one superpower I was born with?
The presidential electoral candidates in the United States has me worried. The country being largely divided into two groups it is difficult to agree with all the principles of one party over the other. Each party brings in good ideas with some very bad ones. Of course people vote for the party and not an individual, but don’t individuals matter? Right now all I see is a bunch of clowns. Or has Obama really set the bar that high?
Being the doctor, I am a go to person for a lot of people. I consider it a privilege that people would trust me with their most intimate fears. Come to me for a second opinion, an idea they want to run by, just to voice their concerns, or just use my being a doctor as an excuse to speak with me. When I have my doctor hat on, I am always happy to be of service. So when I get push back on the healthy living articles I forward to family and friends, or when people tell me to “chill” when I remind them that they should get their yearly medical check-ups, I am left wondering at the irony at the situation.
Please don’t kill my blog. I appreciate the fact that there are people who read my blog. Some of you that do, reached out to me via emails/texts/instagram asking me if I was okay based on my last post. However well meaning you were, I really would have preferred comments here which is why I didn’t encourage conversations on other mediums. I write a post, to generate conversation here. If I wanted to reach out to you in person, I would have. Imagine how many more people we could have reached if we talked about things here. Blogging begets comments on blog. A blogger can hope.
On the most positive note, I was invited to join the swimming master’s class this week. I have been wanting to get to that level for a while now, but don’t think I am ready. My old swim coach mentioned that he will work at my level and get me to speed. I cannot wait. Needless to say I am excited like a school girl and giddy with happiness at the prospect of working with my old coach after 18 months.
What is making you excited and happy or sad and confused? Have a great weekend you all.
Filed under A first, Abstract, Blogging, Camaraderie, Challenges, Coach, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Friends, Goal, Healing, Health, Hope, Inspiration, Issues, Life, Living my life, Love, Men, Motivation, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Poems, Pregnancy, Priorities, Questions., Relationships, Resolutions, Short, Society, Success, swimming, Thoughts, Update, Wishes
I looked for my previous posts on thanksgiving, and found this. Tomorrow all those years ago, changed the course of history. Most of us got closer and stood united against the attack on our home. It didn’t matter which family I belonged to, which language I spoke, what my religious beliefs were, or even which country I lived in. For those of us who have had the privilege to call Mumbai home, were deeply affected. Our home was under attack and we were hurt. Together.
Tomorrow happens to be Thanksgiving in my adopted country. It is one of my favorite holidays. It is the celebration of harvest and a way of giving thanks.The origin of this holiday can induce some negativity around the holiday, but now it is a time when families get together for a food coma inducing food fest , family, warmth, hugs and love. There is no exchange of gifts which makes it a real holiday especially in this very consumerism driven society. I absolutely love it.
I have a long list of things I am thankful for, but today I am going thank this blog. It has been a part of me for 10 interesting years. Thanks for providing me this platform for my expressions, relief, friends I have made, and the wonderful bloggers I have been able to follow.
Happy thanksgiving y’all!
Filed under Celebration, Communication, Conversations, Culture, Environment, Expectations, Food, Friends, Home, Hope, Issues, Life, Loss, People, Priorities, Society, Thoughts, Wishes
It’s very lonely. Most battles have to be fought alone. There is help or advice available, but the actions have to be one’s own.
The one thing we have power over is the one power we give away most readily. Next time you eat a french fry I want you to think about it.
I always voiced my concerns about smokers. I am finding that obesity is equally bad. I might have to join a new fight, starting with myself.
A goal without a plan is just a wish. Nothing could be truer in my case. There is so much I want to achieve but I don’t seem to have the appropriate plans. That will change starting now, especially since I caught myself looking at sprint triathlon dates for next year.
I love my family. I detest my family. Enough said.
Happy Thursday y’all!