Category Archives: Facts

We have to talk about the elephant in the room

  1. I am an Indian (Brown) immigrant in the United States. I have been here for 3 election cycles but I do not have the right to vote yet.
  2. I have friends both democrat and republican and we have been friends for over 12 years now.
  3. I have the benefit of not choosing sides, and I have the ability to look at things from an “outsider’s” point of view.
  4. I have hope for my adopted country.

Well after that disclaimer, I feel we need to talk to one another now more than ever. There was a CNN news piece that people weren’t going to be with their families over thanksgiving this year. That was just disheartening. Doesn’t matter what our political allegiance may be, I don’t think families should be affected by it.

Having said that, I feel we are very deeply affected. When a friend of mine who is a nurse at a hospital I used to intern at, was fervently supportive of Donald Trump, it made me question a few things.

  1. Did she not really like me as I did take up a position that could have gone to an American white doctor.
  2. Does she think I should go back to India?
  3. Does she not care about what the leader of this nation believes in, whether or not he respects women, people of color, considers climate change to be real and really truly cares about the working class.
  4. Her support of Donald Trump made me wonder what she truly felt about me.
  5. It made me question the future of our friendship.

I have time and again played back the years of knowing her. She was the only one I confided in about my deepest fears and darkest thoughts. I knew she would get me. At that time she did. I have been deeply troubled about the foundation of our friendship.

I knew I had to stop letting her posts on Facebook stop affecting me. I know heart of hearts, she is the same person she was when we became friends. She and I have grown up together as people and we have had each other’s back when no one else knew that we were crumbling. No politics can take that away from us.

So I decided I am not going to let petty politics change my love for her, my attitude towards her, and if need be I will stop following her on Facebook. What about the rest of the Facebook posts. People justifying their choice of Trump and being okay with “losing friends” over Facebook.  What about those that fear or feel angry at people who did chose Trump claiming that they will delete those different from them.

I see a cry for acceptance, fear, desperation. I see the need to talk more, engage more, think more and act more. I already see people getting more involved with their community. I see people voicing themselves a little stronger/louder. I feel a little can go a long way and even though some of us think we are doomed, I see hope. A little adversity always brings out the best in people. Also, Facebook is not a measure of our relationships, people.

With that out in the open, I wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving weekend and a very happy holiday season.

 

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Thought-pourri

Only until a few days ago, I had not hit the 30 day mark. I thought I had plenty of time and boom, I am 2 days over. While we didn’t really exchange any words I was here wondering if anyone else had.

Times are confusing. The body, mind and heart wants three very different things. The constant internal struggle is exhausting. Playing it cool, isn’t working in my favor at the moment.

Do the work, people told me. A degree gets you no where. That could be true. Am I hiding from the real world behind academia? I often question myself.

There are days when I am euphoric and I want to scream out to the world. Then there are days that I am worried and scared and my spirits are dampened. The manic depressive states has taken on a brand new meaning in this ones life.

Relationships-are they real, or they belong to a make believe world? There is always a constant flow of people which I thoroughly enjoy. But are there any roots to be laid?

When I look at him, most times I see my best friend, my buddy, sometimes he is just a little boy I love and want to take care of. Then there are days  I rest my head on his shoulders feeling loved, cared for, safe and grounded.

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all” – Hellen Keller.

Life continues to be a wonderful challenge.  How have you been?

 

 

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It doesn’t begin even after it has…

Countless couples like me and my husband did everything in our 20’s not to have children. In our 30’s we are doing everything to have at least one child. Each one of us has our own different struggle stories. That, it is raining babies provides some sort of solace. But then it would be a lie to say it doesn’t hurt just a little bit every time we hear of our friends and family having a baby. Every month we go through the cycle of reliving our  disappointment yet again.

We hold on to hope day in and day out. We pray, we become the support the other needs. We remind ourselves that we are there for each other and that no matter what we love each other. We are each other’s anchors, because this journey can really drain you emotionally, physically, not to mention financially.

Yet we both have come to realize that having a baby isn’t the end of it. In the recent months we have been exposed to a different side to parenting. No one tells you about their autistic child, or their five year old who is diagnosed of Crohn’s disease. No one tells you how much parents worry about the health of their child, or how much their life changes. How saving for college takes on a whole new meaning. No one tells you that even when their child becomes an adult parents spend sleepless nights when they know their child is struggling. I guess not enough likes for reality.

No one tells you that if you think having a baby is tough, you have no idea what having a baby really means.

 

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Friday fives! 

1. I’m embracing the true meaning of letting go. It means different things to different people. So I’m finding my meaning and letting go. 

2. When the mind refuses to get tamed one can tire the body enough to overcome the mind.

3. Continuing to challenge the body with a 10 K race! Very excited about this one. 

4. Going to learn how to be happy, stress free. 

5. Unclear about the future. Don’t know what coordinates I occupy at the moment or where I’d like to be in a few years. 

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When doctors get it wrong. 

Personal details to follow.

I’m waiting to go back to the fertility specialist. 

When I met him last year the one thing no one asked us at this clinic was how often my husband and I had sex. The frequency, quality and timing of sexual encounter are very essential aspects in the baby making process. 

Just because we are a happily married couple who don’t believe in abstinence or protection, and definitely beat the national average of how many times we do it in a week, we may not necessarily be doing it right. 

Question to you- How many people does it take to ruin the chances of conceiving a baby during 6 years of marriage. Well two of course. The odds really go up when the two are you guessed it a doctor and a banker. 

Against all odds we conceived naturally last year. Well when you start aiming it right, at the right time, put healthy habits, like exercise and diet to the mix, your chances go up. 

Unfortunately we lost a perfect little boy. I’m not looking forward to this conversation with the infertility specialist. Last time we left his office our options were in-vitro fertilization or adoption. This time I have no clue what to expect. Gulp! 

Wish me luck! 

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Oh Air-India, take me home.

A few years ago Air-India celebrated it’s 75th anniversary of being operational as a national carrier. My father had worked for this company his entire life, some 34 plus years. What my family and I felt for this company, or the loyalty we have cannot really be put into words. For me, it was our lifeline. The airline made my education, my childhood travel experiences and my identity possible. For me, it has been second home, in so many ways. So I wrote a post about it, to congratulate the company and to express the pride I felt. But took it down because I didn’t want harmless criticism or the comments from people who haven’t been Air-Indians. Sorry, but you know nothing about being one, unless you have been one.

A very good friend and fellow-blogger, caught my post in the 30 seconds it was up. He understood why I had taken it down, but recommended I should not let people’s opinions make me shy of my own. It was great advice and I wanted to put up the post but for the life of me I couldn’t find it. I have regretted that one.

It has been over three years that I have flown Air-India and a long distance flight at that. Right from the familiar beautiful Indian faces, to the vibrant colors, the 23 possible Indian languages one can hear in a single long-distance flight, from new-borns to almost in the grave uncles/aunties, from the fantastic collection of Indian movies to the wonderful co-passenger who completely identifies with your sentiments of living abroad and cannot wait to be back home. Last but not least, the wonderful Indian meals that give you the slightest hint of what awaits you on your trip back home.

Oh Air-India you take me back home every single time.

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Nature vs science

Or should it be the other way around? The past few days have been very contemplative. I have been contemplative. I have thought of things I would never have. Reached out to people I normally wouldn’t and sought solace in places I was very angry with. All in all, I cannot explain my mind and my actions.

It has been very humbling to realize that my scientific brain may not find the answers it seeks. As a friend rightly explained, medical science cannot explain or test for the things it doesn’t know. We don’t know so much. Explains why my nurse apologized for the medical fraternity as soon as she entered my room. I was almost offended as I have a lot of faith in my science. Now 10 days later I understand what she was apologizing for. Medical science has barely touched the surface. Not much to speak home about eh?

Science does not explain our faith. Be it in god or our science or whatever else we believe in. I want to believe (that too very strongly) that I will find the answers. So I can do something about it. People around me tell me to keep my faith in god. Don’t look for answers, trust his better judgement. Well right now that is a little hard to do. I have also been told to trust my own body. It knows what is right. Well if it did then how come so many of us get cancer, or experience unexplained catastrophes.

Something is obviously not right or aligned. And yet the human race persists. The tenacity we show in accepting and moving on is mind numbing sometimes. Is that a mere defense mechanism? Are we in denial? Or is it really best to let go?

Will nature always win over science?

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