A Monday is a good time to put some thoughts I think. I have noticed that the busier I am the more regular I am with writing on my blog. To be fair to me, I have had exams, change in course, probably working on a change in career, looking for mentors, traveling, looking for a place to buy, and staying healthy for what lies ahead of us. To say I didn’t have my plate full would be lying.
My husband and I finally went to Europe. After being together for 8 years, we finally went on the much promised/discussed visit to Paris. Will probably write more about that in another post. Friends and family were quick to label our trip many things because now every thing has a name to it. For us, it was just a trip that took long to get on to. My husband and I relived our times in Europe, felt very young and carefree again and loved every minute of being there without having to explain any of our guilty pleasures.
I feel very tired of people around me. I feel scrutinized, judged, commented upon, advised to constantly. I miss the relationships that would just take me for who I am. I miss easy breezy relationships. I no longer feel that people would be happy for my success, or share my happiness just for it. I always seem to get questions, doubts, dark clouds. I am reaching a point where I don’t feel like sharing anything with anyone.
When there are dark clouds all over you, it is hard to stay happy and content and stress free. It is difficult to believe this is a good place to bring in a child. It is difficult to create a small bubble that feels safe and warm and yours. And despite all of it, people will tell you to. My question to them is how?
If you read all this and care to share a kind or encouraging word, or just a hi-five you are most welcome to. And don’t worry. Now that this is out of my system, I am sure life will look up.
Happy Monday, y’all. Here is to upwards and onwards!
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I left India right after high school. Every vacation I take back to my country is an opportunity for me to discover something new, visit a new street, eat at a new restaurant, meet my family and friends, experience watching a movie in cinema, watch plays at theaters. Do all the things I missed out had I gone to graduate school in my city, or became the adult I am today.
For all practical reasons I’m the outsider. I realize that in spite of my acute sense of patriotism, my immense pride in my country, most people treat me like a foreigner. It’s interesting as I realized a long time ago, that I’m far more aware of what is happening on the political/ economic scene and more in tune to the international presence that India has than a lot of people I know within India.
I do not generalize though. I have always enjoyed speaking to a co-passenger, or the taxi driver, rickshaw wallah, relative, friend who knows the city roads, reads the news paper or has an informed opinion and is up for a stimulating conversation.
Coming home stopped being the same after my father died. It continues to be home though. India continues to be where I feel I belong the most in spite of all the places I have lived and the reactions I receive from people here.
India isn’t the same as I left behind. The people, landscape, economics, politics, attitudes have all undergone a change. I embrace this change as any citizen would. Some I don’t approve of, most I enjoy to watch. Some bewilder me, some make me wonder where did we go wrong?
No matter how hard people try to make me look like the outsider, it’s always a great experience coming back home.