Last week starting Sunday had to be the best and the worst week for me this year.
Sunday kicked off Diwali celebrations in our new apartment. I wasn’t up to company, celebrations, or even embracing the new place. I am not very good with change. But perhaps change is exactly what we needed.
I love birthdays in general. Mine most of all. EVERYONE should know that. This year has been miserably tough. Every birthday I am reminded that I lost my first baby just a day after my birthday. This year I had hoped my second baby would make it to my birthday so we could have had a fighting chance. That didn’t happen either. I almost didn’t want to live through the day, because I didn’t know if I had it in me to face the potential burst of emotions.
The birthday came despite my denial with a promise that four days later it would be my husband’s. The old man turned 40 this year. I decided to give him a birthday he could feel loved, honored and appreciated for who he is! So I took solace that I had something else to think about.
Last week my husband and I experienced pouring in of love, affection, hugs, phone calls and messages. People came out in numbers to join us in our attempt to celebrate life that exists and forget even if for just a second of the life that didn’t make it. I am touched by the effort our friends made to take time out of their busy schedules to ensure we were made to feel special and loved.
Even though this was a tough week to live by, the universe had other plan for us. With the love we have experienced in the last one week, I feel we are stronger and more prepared for the challenges that lie ahead of us. I got to make my husband feel loved and appreciated and nothing makes me happier than a 40 year old man, feel like a young boy again.
A very happy birthday to both of us! I am ready for the world again 🙂
Filed under Birthday, Blogging, Bonding, Camaraderie, Celebration, Challenges, Death, Decisions, Disappointments, Emotions, Experiences, Friends, Healing, Life, Loss, Love, New York, People, Rants, Relationships, Society, Thoughts
Let’s just all take a minute to agree upon the fact that this was the toughest week the husband I have survived without once mentioning the tragedy that struck us last year. An event that has changed me for life, that has changed my relationship with my husband forever and the one that has made us both appreciate little mercies in life.
So while we were profoundly affected last year, this year we celebrated and hugged and laughed and smiled and not once did we bring up last year. I deliberately so, the husband probably because he forgot.
And that is okay.. out with the old, in with the new. We are going to be okay. We are! We just have to take a deep breath in…. and then let go…
One Sunday I signed up for a 5K. Something I had always said I couldn’t do. It was time to shake things up and I did. The max run rate on the registration website was 15miles/hour. So I told myself if I could finish the race in less that 40 minutes I would have done it in less time than the max amount allowed. I would be happy with it. I was.
I wasn’t happy enough. That is the one thing about humans. Once we get what we wanted we start wanting something else. We are never satisfied. Sometimes it is a good thing, sometimes not so much. So another Sunday evening I signed up for a 10K, in the hope to improve on my time, stamina and performance. I am no where close to where I want be in terms of my training. But in the next 5 weeks I hope to be exactly where I should. At the finish line. Claiming my prize at the end of it, hugging the man who would be most proud of me. Texting a few people to tell them my time, who would share my joy.
On this journey and I call it a very positive one, I have met some amazing people. Those who told me to never say never and those who thought me to believe in myself. Those that showed me when you put your mind to something, you can achieve anything. When I was presented with the TCS NYC marathon after party passes, I decided that was the birthday celebration I would have. So I stood at the finish line to watch two of the four people I personally knew from the 50,000+ people who ran the marathon. It had to be the most exhilarating, emotion inducing moment for me. I cried when I joined the crowd to applaud the 94 year old man cross the finish line. I couldn’t stop jumping when I spotted my cousin make the final leap to the mark and then the one girl I have only met twice but has come to mean so much to me in the last few months, throw her hands up in the air as she owned the TCS NYC marathon.
Thank you, I couldn’t have asked for a better celebration of my birthday. 3.1 miles in absolutes isn’t a very long distance but I know it has changed my life forever.