Tag Archives: Love

Heart break 

I called it friendship. You called it a favor. We both knew it was much more. Only you knew it was wrong. I took my heartbreak and left. It wasn’t forever as you have come back into my life. Only to break my heart again. 



Filed under Conversations, Disappointments, Emotions, Friendship, Hope, Life, Love hurts, Men, Pain, People, Personal, Relationships, Sad, Short, Society, Thoughts

Happy Thanksgiving…

You know the biggest joke about thanksgiving?  “Only people in American will have bloody wars over materialistic things 24 hours after they have said thanks for everything they already have.”

Despite all the commercialization, blood bath and expensive travel that happens this week, Thanksgiving continues to be my favorite American holiday.

You get blessings, kindness and love from the most unexpected places. My father used to tell me that always do good, with no expectations in return. Even if you don’t receive from the same person, God will look out for you and you will receive when the time is right. Just do your thing. I am thankful for that advice now more than ever. Having had a few rough years myself, I have reaffirmed my belief that everyone has their own struggles. Just because we know nothing about them, and people always put up a brave front, doesn’t mean they don’t have struggles of their own. Be nice, it doesn’t take away anything from anyone. I am very grateful for the sound advise.

I am very thankful for my husband. Not only has he loved me despite all odds, he has embraced my family, my friends, along with our craziness. I haven’t changed as a person “just because I got married.” I have changed a great deal because I have grown up as a person, professionally and personally. I continue to be a work in progress, but every time I look into my husband’s eyes- I see his idea of perfection. I am very grateful for his love.

There are people I haven’t met in person, or met very briefly, and yet I am very thankful they are in my life. Some have sent me countless messages of encouragement, love and support while others have given it to me straight. Even though life has tried it’s best to pull me down, it has also showed me just how you bounce back, thanks to these very people. I am very grateful to know, that people who have full lives of their own will take time out for you. Whether it is making you feel special on your birthday, or remind you that there is no place for stress-induced-ruining-of-health. I am very grateful to see them make a place for me, even in their very full hearts.

I am thankful to this blogging space. No matter how much you have been ignored, you are right where I need you to be. I am really glad I have this space to vent /rant /complain /reminisce /pontificate /laugh /ridicule and just be myself. Eleven years and going strong!

Happy Thanksgiving y’all.


Filed under A first, Attitude, Blogging, Bonding, Conversations, Culture, Disappointments, Emotions, Expectations, Food, Friendship, Healing, Health, Inspiration, Life, Living my life, Marriage, Men, Milestones, New York, Pain, partner, People, Personal, Priorities, Relationships, Society, Thoughts

It doesn’t begin even after it has…

Countless couples like me and my husband did everything in our 20’s not to have children. In our 30’s we are doing everything to have at least one child. Each one of us has our own different struggle stories. That, it is raining babies provides some sort of solace. But then it would be a lie to say it doesn’t hurt just a little bit every time we hear of our friends and family having a baby. Every month we go through the cycle of reliving our  disappointment yet again.

We hold on to hope day in and day out. We pray, we become the support the other needs. We remind ourselves that we are there for each other and that no matter what we love each other. We are each other’s anchors, because this journey can really drain you emotionally, physically, not to mention financially.

Yet we both have come to realize that having a baby isn’t the end of it. In the recent months we have been exposed to a different side to parenting. No one tells you about their autistic child, or their five year old who is diagnosed of Crohn’s disease. No one tells you how much parents worry about the health of their child, or how much their life changes. How saving for college takes on a whole new meaning. No one tells you that even when their child becomes an adult parents spend sleepless nights when they know their child is struggling. I guess not enough likes for reality.

No one tells you that if you think having a baby is tough, you have no idea what having a baby really means.



Filed under A first, Abstract, Always one step behind, Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Confusion, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Dreams, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Facts, Faith, Fears, focus, Goal, Health, Hope, Humor, Issues, Life, Loss, Love, Milestones, Pain, partner, People, Personal, Philosophy, Pregnancy, Questions., Rants, Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Update, Wishes


I have talked about this day so many times on this blog. No matter what where how old you were, you have a story. I am sure everyone has one. You remember exactly where you were, what you were doing and the vulnerability you felt when you heard/saw the news.

Vulnerability was probably followed by fear, anger, frustration and sadness. I saw tears in the eyes of grown men and fear in those that often knew how to comfort us. True, life as we knew it would never be the same again. Not for the ones who were directly affected but everyone who has experienced this in their lifetime.

I often wonder though is #Never forget an appropriate/adequate homage to those who suffered, whether it was loss of a loved one, property, health, safety or even a good night’s sleep, or is it keeping the terror alive and letting the other side win.

My pledge is to #neverforget that they don’t scare us, they don’t dominate us. We will live on and we will flourish. We will love and smile and feel free. We will teach our children to trust and shake a stranger’s hands without fear. We will tell them that this world is a beautiful place and not everyone is bad because of a handful of people.

We will #neverforget that patience, tolerance and love triumphs any act of terrorism thrown at us.

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Filed under Determination, Faith, Fears, Healing, Life


It’s very lonely. Most battles have to be fought alone. There is help or advice available, but the actions have to be one’s own.

The one thing we have power over is the one power we give away most readily. Next time you eat a french fry I want you to think about it.

I always voiced my concerns about smokers. I am finding that obesity is equally bad. I might have to join a new fight, starting with myself.

A goal without a plan is just a wish. Nothing could be truer in my case. There is so much I want to achieve but I don’t seem to have the appropriate plans. That will change starting  now, especially since I caught myself looking at sprint triathlon dates for next year.

I love my family. I detest my family. Enough said.

Happy Thursday y’all!

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Filed under Blogging, Decisions, Determination, Disappointments, Emotions, Environment, Life, Update

Sweet memories..

Ever so often I stop..

To remind myself, there were good days. They ended badly, but there will always be the good.

Ever so often I stop..

To remember all the times we laughed together. The smiles have disappeared but I will always have those laughs we shared.

Ever so often I stop..

To tell myself that you gave me a lot more to live and love for than the pain I feel within.

Ever so often I stop..

To ask myself where did we go wrong. Did it have to turn out this way?

Ever so often I stop..

To wonder if you ever stop to think of me?!


Filed under Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Friends, Hope, Relationships

My dear girlfriends!

I am blessed with all of you in my life. You have stuck by me through all these years. It says more about you being a good friend than me. You all have put up with my brutal honesty, my lack of social skills bordering at awkwardness. You all gave me the space when I needed to focus on my education. Thankfully you continue to do so. You all encourage me when I embark on my new adventures and have always had a kind word to soothe me. Sometimes I feel like you all know me better than I know myself. For that I am very grateful.

Over the years we have all grown up, aged and changed as people. Some for the better, some not so much. Despite our changing priorities I am grateful to still have you in my life. I hope you know I understand you are not the same person you were 10 years ago. I understand your need for space, growth and new friends. I hope that you can do that too.

There are somethings I don’t understand though. I don’t understand your lack of confidence in yourself. You are educated with careers you have chosen, have great families and wonderful children to speak of. You may not have everything on your list, but from where I and the rest of world sees it, you have arrived in life. I hope you can see it too.

Some of us are happily married. I hope you know marriage is a work in progress. Let me rephrase. Marriage is a daily work in progress. There is no denying, I have been very blessed with my husband. By no means is he perfect or our relationship without its failings. We have great days and we have terrible ones. Point being, men aren’t perfect but neither are we. You may not have what I have, but you will get what you are destined for. Don’t give up on love and happiness and a great partner.

Most of all, I don’t understand your lack of enthusiasm for life, lack of opinion, lack of the fire we had all set out with. Like you have for me, I am happy to step back if you need the time. I hope you bounce back. We have so much to live for, so much to see, so much to enjoy,and so much to fight for. There will be tears and disappointments through it all, but remember there will always be us!


Filed under A first, Bonding, Camaraderie, Coach, Communication, Confusion, Decisions, Disappointments, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Opinion, People, Thoughts