Category Archives: Communication

To my Trumpsters! 

You know I’ve been respectful of your choices right?! But today I ask you, can you see yet what we see or is he still the president you think you deserve? 

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If only I could say this to you. 

Your message made me really sad. Just like our last conversation on the phone did. I never had the liberty to develop any feelings for you as I knew about R even before you told me about her (Curtesy PS). As much as I enjoyed talking to you then and felt the warmth of your affection, I was always aware that you were spoken for. Yet the rude shock of being discarded as a nuisance was hurtful.( You said now that you are married, it wouldn’t be right by your wife for us to continue talking). Apart from our spoiled rice fiasco in your dorm room, nothing transpired between us that I could hold onto. Instead I felt a certain distance from you which I had come to respect. That day in London remains a heartwarming memory, and always brings a smile to my face. I want to hold onto that memory. While I applaud your effort at honesty, I think what makes me sad is that you allowed yourself to be selfish then and you are being selfish now. It was about you and doing the right by R then, it’s about your pain now. It doesn’t feel like I feature any where in your thoughts/considerations/decisions. That makes me sad. Even friends don’t treat their friends like that, let alone someone who may once have had a kind of love for someone that could be painful. 
I don’t know if this is good bye yet, but do forgive me the day that it is. 

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Reflection 003

Papa, “I don’t think people like me”, I said one day. I was just stating an observation. “Why would you say that”, he asked. People tease me in school. They make fun of my hair and my round face. They call me names. He smiled, and he asked me, ” Are you sure they don’t like you?” He said no more.

No I wasn’t sure that they didn’t like me. So I told myself if they were talking to me, teasing me-yeah semantics they must actually like me. I learned to laugh off the unwanted attention.

For the longest time, I thought my father had ruined my perception of people’s reaction to me. I read people wrong. Perhaps I do. But what he did right was instill a level of confidence in my self-worth and my own being.  Nothing anyone says, can instill any doubts in me about myself.

Thank you, papa.

Now only if people who retorted to this New York times article could have been more proud of their own achievements, than belittle it by being “offended” by a cartoonist.

 

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Filed under Abstract, Attitude, Communication, Confusion, Conversations, Doubts, Emotions, Experiences, Hope, Humor, Inspiration, Life, musings, Philosophy

Happy Hump Day!

The lack of posts is because of the 5 weeks the husband and I took to travel. We decided we had had enough with our current lives. So we needed to reboot. With a bit of rearranging our lives, commitments, vacation times and bank balance we managed to get some time off. We then looked at the map and put our fingers on the farthest and warmest countries we could find.

I had my reservations. Five weeks is a long time. Same room, same food, same routines with complete lack of privacy, me time, my friends that I wasn’t sure how the husband and I would get along. I also didn’t know what the husband was going through. Why did he think this was a good idea? For me, I was mostly in it for the ride. We had our back packs, our carry-ons and off we were. Except for one day when I missed my home, I have to say I didn’t think of New York once. I guess  it is true that home is where the heart is. And my heart was right there with me.

I am still jet lagged. I choose to be. My mantra is to be less stuck up this year. That is a tall order. We don’t even realize how many things just bog us down or we hold on to. So no alarms since we have come back and if the eyes are shut for 11 hours so be it. I know the luxury won’t last too long. Just because I am ready to let go, doesn’t mean the world will also be as relaxed.

This trip has been very good for me personally. I have come back refreshed, happy and determined. I have some personal and professional goals I would like to achieve which include writing more.

What are your goals? How did you ring in the new year? What do you want 2017 to be like for you?

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Filed under Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Experiences, Friends, Hope, Life, Living my life, Marriage, Milestones, Motivation, New York, partner, Personal

We have to talk about the elephant in the room

  1. I am an Indian (Brown) immigrant in the United States. I have been here for 3 election cycles but I do not have the right to vote yet.
  2. I have friends both democrat and republican and we have been friends for over 12 years now.
  3. I have the benefit of not choosing sides, and I have the ability to look at things from an “outsider’s” point of view.
  4. I have hope for my adopted country.

Well after that disclaimer, I feel we need to talk to one another now more than ever. There was a CNN news piece that people weren’t going to be with their families over thanksgiving this year. That was just disheartening. Doesn’t matter what our political allegiance may be, I don’t think families should be affected by it.

Having said that, I feel we are very deeply affected. When a friend of mine who is a nurse at a hospital I used to intern at, was fervently supportive of Donald Trump, it made me question a few things.

  1. Did she not really like me as I did take up a position that could have gone to an American white doctor.
  2. Does she think I should go back to India?
  3. Does she not care about what the leader of this nation believes in, whether or not he respects women, people of color, considers climate change to be real and really truly cares about the working class.
  4. Her support of Donald Trump made me wonder what she truly felt about me.
  5. It made me question the future of our friendship.

I have time and again played back the years of knowing her. She was the only one I confided in about my deepest fears and darkest thoughts. I knew she would get me. At that time she did. I have been deeply troubled about the foundation of our friendship.

I knew I had to stop letting her posts on Facebook stop affecting me. I know heart of hearts, she is the same person she was when we became friends. She and I have grown up together as people and we have had each other’s back when no one else knew that we were crumbling. No politics can take that away from us.

So I decided I am not going to let petty politics change my love for her, my attitude towards her, and if need be I will stop following her on Facebook. What about the rest of the Facebook posts. People justifying their choice of Trump and being okay with “losing friends” over Facebook.  What about those that fear or feel angry at people who did chose Trump claiming that they will delete those different from them.

I see a cry for acceptance, fear, desperation. I see the need to talk more, engage more, think more and act more. I already see people getting more involved with their community. I see people voicing themselves a little stronger/louder. I feel a little can go a long way and even though some of us think we are doomed, I see hope. A little adversity always brings out the best in people. Also, Facebook is not a measure of our relationships, people.

With that out in the open, I wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving weekend and a very happy holiday season.

 

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Don’t boo, vote.

dontboovote

 

Today is election day in the United States. And of course the world is watching. After Obama, every candidate will fall short. There are very big shoes to fill which is why the choices this year are frustrating. It is a seasoned politician who comes across as your grandma vs the not to young but eccentric outsider as the choice. In the end it doesn’t matter in the US. It is the senate that controls the decisions and unless people chose for their senators sensibly, the president is but a figure head.

My dear citizens of the United States,

Your country is already great. It strives to provide homes, clean water, food, education and opportunities for all. Your government recognizes that healthcare is not a privilege but a right, same sex marriages are legal and has been a melting pot of people from all races, religions and political affiliations.

Yes we have our own problems in this country. It doesn’t make sense, that we lose our sons, brothers, husbands and lovers in another country for someone else’s war. It doesn’t make sense, that an illegal immigrant is given the opportunities we would have hoped to have for ourselves. I respect those concerns.

This election however isn’t about illegal immigrants, or wars. We have inherited these issues and there is no single president/term answer to these concerns. There isn’t a “wall” or “bombing the shit out of” anything that will solve our problems. Do you really want a country where the leader is disrespectful of anyone who isn’t like them? I feel your frustration but that doesn’t mean you vote blindly.

I haven’t lived through many elections in this country. But I have lived enough on this planet to know that voicing your choice is a right we have fought very hard for. So execute your choice. You have a voice, use it. Also use your brain, ask your heart and then put those together to cast your vote.

Climate change is real, same sex people are normal, women can fight in wars. Hell they can do anything. They can even be the president of the United States of America.

Don’t boo, vote!

Love,

Global citizen: det-res!

 

 

 

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When neighbors become much more

We were moving into our current apartment more than six years ago. A Rabi from the Orthodox Hasidic Jewish community passed by our door just as our furniture was being delivered. He popped his head in, offered help and walked away with a big warm smile.

A few weeks later, as I was coming back from work I was greeted by my neighbor, who also happened to be the Rabi’s wife. She asked me if I would be okay to go into their apartment and turn off the cooking range. Being the first time I was amused. Then I made an effort to get to know more about the ways of the Orthodox Jewish community. I read about Shabbat and made sense of the request my neighbor made of me.

Over the last 6 years, we have watched their family grow from 3 children to 7 and I have been asked to turn off the cooking range on countless occasions. More importantly we have become friends during this time. We have spent time chatting with them, exchanging our thoughts on life, religion, politics, travel, our families. They have prayed for us, visited us in the hospital, sent us food. As we have got to know them over the years the fact that they are very different from us in the way they live, practice their religion, raise their children, dress, eat has stopped being a though worth considering.

Last Friday we were invited to our first Shabbat dinner. I don’t know what prompted the invitation. Is it because we are going to move soon, or because we lost our second baby? Whatever their reason might be, we felt like we were with friends. As they navigated us through their rituals my husband and I wondered why didn’t we do this earlier? We have already shared so much over the last 6 years so why did we not share a meal before?

We spent a good two plus hours chatting to our hearts content, eating a sumptuous meal, listening to their children. As we said our good byes, I wondered if we had just said good bye to a family that had become our closest friends.

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