Category Archives: Expectations

Acknowledgements Page

My master’s thesis will be done tomorrow. It is the last date of submission, so even though I don’t feel done, I have to be. In a way I am happy about that, as I am so ready to be done with it! One of the pages I have been looking forward to writing in my 50+ page thesis is the acknowledgements page. While this exact version may not make it to the very specified page, I wanted to share my acknowledgements here.

I want to take this opportunity to thank some key players who have been instrumental in me getting my master’s thesis!

  1. The asshole co-worker: When I joined my new job last year, one of my co-workers would keep repeating that I was a doctor, a master’s student and a Phd student,  I have a grant to my name and I still managed to get great grades in the the Public Health classes that I was enrolled in. When he said it the first time, I realized I was doing a lot, and that perhaps a work life balance would be a good thing. When he repeated himself about 30 million times, I knew it was coming from spite. He oozes competition and self-entitlement. He helped me seal my determination to show his  entitled self, what it means to be a hard working brown immigrant woman and how much we can do when we set our minds to something. So this thesis is for you buddy!
  2. The Program leadership who warned me against “doing too much” Your tone was more of a warning than that of concern. You put me on alert and hence I am glad I decided to prove you wrong. I am submitting my thesis and I know for a fact that I will be granted my degree.
  3. My husband: My rock, my anchor, the shoulder I have cried on many times, my support. I truly couldn’t have done this without you.
  4. My mom: A doctorate herself kept it very real for me. She was probably the only person who told me like it was. On the days I wanted to give up, she reminded me why I started in the first place.
  5. My friends: Some that I see on a daily basis, some I text on a daily basis, some that I don’t see or talk to on a daily basis, but all of them have empowered me, reminded me that I can kick ass when I am not feeling sorry for myself and that I got this even when I didn’t think I did. You don’t even know you kept me going because you were just your awesome selves and I cannot thank you enough for being yourselves and for being in my life!

Few more hours people and I will be done! Boo ya!



Filed under A first, Always one step behind, Celebration, Determination, Dreams, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Faith, Goal, Inspiration, Life, Love, Motivation, People, Personal, Rants, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Truth, Update


New York city, a place you get to call home with the sky scrappers and Wall Street, the theater scene along with the food scene. The best universities and hospitals to boast of. It seems like a great place to be. And yet, this is the city where the maternal mortality rates are higher than any other developed country in the world, vaccination rates are low, disparities in income exist out of proportion and at the end of every street corner one finds the evidence of extreme poverty. Which reality should we chose to look at today?

Three continents, 3 medical licences, 2 residencies, one fellowship, three graduate level degrees. What do you say, is that enough? And is it? The heart desires so much more. Some times the heart does not know where to stop. When does enough truly become enough?

One natural pregnancy, 5 failed intrauterine insemination,  one intrauterine insemination that led to a pregnancy, two second trimester miscarriages, 4 failed in-vitro fertilization attempts. Do you see the writing on the wall or do you see your eventual goal just one step closer?

Children are dying due to preventable shootings. Is it worth the struggles we have been through to have a baby in this country, if I will constantly live in the fear that their school is no longer the safest place they could be in?

I like my home. I know it is not perfect and there is so much to do. There are problems which I will own.  Only when I do that can I make a difference. Where do I stop? Who truly needs to change is it? Is it them or is it me?

Every time my body says enough is enough, my heart whispers, just one more time. Every time my friends and family tell me to give up, my resolves strengthens. It may turn out to be an unfulfilled wish, but at least I know I would have given it my best!

I worry about having children in this country, in this dying world for that matter.  But when you see children  doing what adults should have done, I see hope. I see hope for a brighter future. I see hope for a future with my children.

How do you chose to look at life? What is your perspective?


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Filed under Determination, Disappointments, Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Faith, Hope, Life, Motivation, Pain, Personal, Philosophy, Pregnancy, Priorities, Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Success, Thoughts, Truth, Update

To my single girl friends…

And I have plenty of those. You know who you are. Who am I kidding. I don’t think anyone of you actually reads my blog. Either way, it is a bit alarming to me to find that I am almost nearing 40 and I have so many of my peers who are still single. I am talking about my female friends. They are smart, educated, independent, funny, come from good families, grounded and yet they are single. My husband and I talk about that sometimes. He has often expressed his disbelief that women such as these haven’t yet found a man, who would gladly be their life partners. These are well-traveled, well-spoken, successful women. He tells me that men would be lucky to have these women in their life. I agree with him, but I also think that those are the very reasons, these women find it hard to find men who will want to be with them.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not against men. Heck I am married to one. But is he more special than I give him credit for? I would expect most men to be like him. I expect most men I grew up to be like him. I expect men to be respectful, sincere, compassionate, patient, loving. That isn’t too much to ask for is it? And yet when I see men, marriages and people around me, I see what these single women see. It is pretty disdainful if you ask me. I don’t think men in many societies have learned to create that balance between hierarchy, leadership, team player all at once in a home setting. One cannot be an authoritarian leader at all times to be successful. You have to learn to give some, take some to make things work.

So the big questions is, are men today threatened rather than enamored by the woman of today? Have we set double standards for what is desirable in a man versus a woman?

To my single friends, after being married for almost 9 years, here is what I have to say to you:

  1. Never ever settle. Nothing is worth that.
  2. No one is perfect. Neither are you.
  3. Rather than height, weight, color concentrate on person and personality.
  4. Character is way more important than paycheck.
  5. Don’t look for your past lovers in your future.
  6. Work hard to find your partner. Since this is life long, work even harder than you worked for your college degree, your first job or that promotion. If you aren’t willing to put in that effort, how will you find a life-partner?
  7. Keep the biological clock in mind. It is a real thing.
  8. Be nice, be patient and be open to possibilities.
  9. Good luck!


Filed under A first, Attitude, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Opinion, People, Philosophy, Relationships, Society, Thoughts

Zero fucks to be given…

Art of not giving a fuck

Sometimes it isn’t about the person in front of you. It is about yourself. What do you allow yourself to feel and do. Have you asked yourself, did you do everything you wanted to do? Did you say yes when you really wanted to say no?

Going to read this book in 16 weeks. Will report what I think about it after!

Meanwhile watch this Ted Talk

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Filed under A first, Abstract, Attitude, Challenges, Communication, Determination, Disappointments, Expectations, Humor, Life, Living my life, People, Personal, Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Truth, Wishes

I am going to give this one last good fight!

Thank you to all of you who have wept with me and for me. Those of you who emailed, messaged, and sent lovely notes full of love and prayer and warmth and concern. Even those of you that stayed silent, know that I understand. Some things are just hard to make any conversation about. I have been in that spot. I just didn’t know what to say, so I said a silent prayer, hoping things would get better for the person struggling.

The good thing with struggle is that I find them very character building. I had to truly work on myself and not go down the rabbit hole of asking myself or god, why me? I taught myself to say, so that happened, as does life to everyone, where to next?

I have taken my time. I have changed homes, I have traveled to 11 countries in the interim, I have worked on my relationship with my mother, I have embraced yoga, healthy eating and regular walks. I haven’t yet reached the stage of meditation or veganism, but I feel I am pretty close to being awesome ( my own measure). I definitely feel ready to give the possibility of a family with a child in it a good fight.

Join me, as I tell you more about this journey, struggle and what hormones can do to a relatively normal person!


Filed under A first, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Dreams, Expectations, Experiences, Fear, focus, Goal, Healing, Health, Life, Living my life, Marriage, musings, People, Personal, Plans, Pregnancy, Resolutions, Success, Thoughts, Wishes

Oh marriage?!

So apt to find this draft which has only the title on this page. Yesterday was Karva Chauth. A day I think is supposed to be a private event. At least that is how I grew up to believe it was.

My childhood and tradition forming period in time missed the Karan Johar movies, who in my opinion has completely ruined the sanctity and the way we approach our traditions. Too commercialized in my opinion. And really if your mother didn’t do KC, don’t start now just to be invited to a KC party.

First of all, if anyone thinks that even a non-science educated women, believes fasting/ praying to the moon will either improve her relationship with her husband or increase the longevity of her husband’s life, then you are not giving this said woman basic respect. We women at least in today’s age, know that none of it is true; even as we recite the ancient mythical story of Karva and wait in vain for the moon as it never rises on time.

So I asked myself yesterday, why do I do this fast. I am after all a doctor and a scientist. Why when I have been trained in critical thinking and asking sound clinical questions, do I drop everything to fast, cook up a feast and wait for the moon to rise. I don’t even particularly pray when the moon does show up.

Quite honestly I don’t know. Marriage is bloody hard. It is a daily work in progress.  My once a year fast does nothing for our marriage. Well may be a little. It boosts the man’s ego, I get fussed about all day by the man who cannot get over the fact that I would fast for him, so he makes promises he wouldn’t otherwise. Quite worth it, if you ask me. 😉



Filed under Attitude, Culture, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Love, Marriage, Men, partner, Personal, Questions., Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Wishes

All I need is a little change in attitude

Every action elicits a reaction. With humans it is generally a very emotional response. Happy/sad/excited/angry etc, depends on our understanding of the intention of the action. If we changed our understanding of the belief, we will change our reaction.

If Dr. Mama Bear thinks her not so daunting stature and even less threatening voice is going to send me to the deep dark hell of self doubt, she has no idea who she is dealing with. 

Happy Wednesday y’all!

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Filed under Attitude, Career, Challenges, Communication, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Living my life, Milestones, Motivation, Opinion, People, Personal, Resolutions, Society