All I need is a little change in attitude

Every action elicits a reaction. With humans it is generally a very emotional response. Happy/sad/excited/angry etc, depends on our understanding of the intention of the action. If we changed our understanding of the belief, we will change our reaction.

If Dr. Mama Bear thinks her not so daunting stature and even less threatening voice is going to send me to the deep dark hell of self doubt, she has no idea who she is dealing with. 

Happy Wednesday y’all!

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Filed under Attitude, Career, Challenges, Communication, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Living my life, Milestones, Motivation, Opinion, People, Personal, Resolutions, Society

I want to be your bride all over again.

When the boy said he wanted to marry me, I told him I had my career on my mind. He then spoke to my father and asked his permission to marry me, with a vow to fulfill all my dreams.,be it career, travel, family, food, all with love, compassion, care and respect.

And he has kept his promise beyond my wildest expectations. He has done so every single day. Despite our fights, silences, disagreements, frustrations, setbacks, intermingled with long sighs, doubts and disappointments, the boy has been rock solid. He has been my friend, husband, confidant, and the best travel buddy I could have asked for.

He is the person I try all my new recipes on, the confidant who listens to my daily woes. He is the friend I want to be held by when I’m having a bad day, the voice I want to hear when I need to know that I will survive.  He is that man whose smile brightens up my day, whose gentle strokes on my back soothe my very worst days. He is the husband who showed me how to love my family more, be more patient, be more giving. He is the guy who makes me a better person.

The day I married you, was the best and most fun day in my life. That day was magical but I had no idea that I was embarking on the best journey of my life. For all the laughs, tears, hugs, phone conversations, kisses, long walks on the beach, comfortable silences, star gazing nights, new year’s eve filled with fireworks and more, I want to be your bride all over again.

*No it’s not our anniversary or his birthday. 🙂

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Giving myself permission to be me!

Many a times when my soul is tortured I turn to Ted Talks. A few inspiring episodes later I am ready to take on the world again. Life circumstances have changed in our household. They aren’t life altering or soul shattering changes, just very small changes. I am learning that even the smallest changes which don’t necessarily change the big picture, also need a learning curve and an adjustment.

That learning curve and adjustment has been taking its toll on me. While I am working on fine tuning my emotional intelligence on current issues in my life I find myself struggling more and more with my stance in life. I am not blind with passion on any one thing. Perhaps my love for the people in my life follows some form of blindness, but nothing else. I have my beliefs I stand by, while I can completely understand yours. I may not accept them, but I know to respect them.

I blame my bringing up for it. My parents raised me to be accepting and non-judgmental. In today’s very polarized world I struggle because of my ability to stay neutral. I feel forced to take side, but I don’t want to lose my essence. I grew up to learn to respect, be tolerant and be accepting of what is different from me.

So while my soul was still tortured, I was looking for something on YouTube from Ted talks to soothe me. I came across this talk from Ash Beckham. I cried at the end of the talk. I will try and explain why. While I am not gay, or have secrets in my closet, I still struggle like all of us do. For once I felt my duality in thought and opinion was okay. It doesn’t have to be Ash or Jesus. I can be me and I don’t need to apologize for it.

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Today might be a good day…

I was in 8th grade when I first realized I could have a best friend. At that time I didn’t know that I had also found my friend for life. That is not the point of this post. This new person in my life gave me a gift then, that comes in very handy when I feel at my lowest, or when I am most scared or deal with self doubt. Self doubt is a funny thing. No one but you go down the rabbit hole with self doubt. And no one but you can scoop you out of it.

This is not a good week. I won’t get into the details but someone in my position got admitted to the hospital. Anxiety was her diagnosis and it has thrown people around me into a loop. Oh! Damn you guys are stressed! Yes Sherlock Holmes – it is taking every fiber in my body to keep sane. So thank you for realizing what a huge effort I am making.

Do I really need the validation from another person I often ask myself. How many times do I give myself a pat on the back. How often do I validate myself? Do you? So today seems like a good day to make use of the great gift my friend for life from all those years ago gave me. On a very dreary days, she said why don’t you write 50 things you like about yourself. It was tough then. I know I can’t get to 50 but today I would like to list 5. Just to brighten up my day, remind myself that I have worked very hard and that I should be kinder and more generous to me.

  1. I am a very generous person. Not only with money, but more importantly with time. I will drop anything that I was doing to be there for people when they have needed me. They didn’t even have to be my closest friends. I believe people in your life are your biggest assets.
  2. I am kind. I consciously work towards lending a sympathetic ear, sharing my life experiences if it could help someone. I try and not judge people, instead I try and understand where they are coming from and then try to help them from within their own constraints
  3. I don’t give up. Doesn’t matter what is thrown at me, if I put my mind to something, I don’t give up. That has paid off. I walk with my chin high, my heart full of gratitude and sleep well knowing I made the people who care about me the most proud.
  4. I am hard working. Well you got to be if you are the kind of person who doesn’t give up right? I always used to think I am the laziest person around. I still think I am. I am always looking to find efficiency in everything I do, so I don’t have to work as hard. But nothing replaces hard work. Not even efficiency. I can proudly say I have reached where I have, only because of my hard work.
  5. I have people in my life that I love, unconditionally. It is not to say that they are perfect or the best thing that anyone could ask for. They are human just like I am. Imperfect and annoying  but real. We have had fights, misunderstandings and long periods of silences, said best friend included. But the days when I struggle with self doubt, anxiety takes over my mind and I cannot pull myself out of my self dug out rabbit hole, I think of all the people who never gave up on me, who call me their friend, who don’t stop loving me even on the days I struggle to love myself. To have these people in my life to love and find purpose in my life, I would say is what I love the most about my life.

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The unlikely friendship

She is a mother of 7 and younger. She is much older and yearns to have.

She is religious and conservative. She is spiritual and a liberal.

She believes she is superior. She believes in no such thing.

She hopes. She awaits.

She has settled. She continues the search.

She is wise. She is learned

She is conflicted. She is the conflict.

They make the most unlikely of friendships.

 

 

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Is it really over?

Quieter days, shut doors at night. The lost love, doesn’t feel as bad.

Missing are the conversations, hugs and kisses. Those days are long gone.

The sun doesn’t shine as bright, nor does the rain come down hard.

Has autumn made its way already? Is Summer really gone?

 

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A girl can hope..

I hope people can find true happiness.

I hope people care more, eat less, sleep more, cry less, laugh more, lie less.

I hope people can keep their differences aside, be more respectful.

I hope people would remind themselves we are all people, not man/woman, white/black, native/immigrant.

I hope the boundaries disappear, travel becomes easy.

I hope immigration officers don’t exist.

I hope I continue to live, travel, love, laugh, and believe.

I hope I make this world the kind of place I want to live in.

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