Checking the box.

One would think that is all it takes. To do everything on your list. A checkbox list sometimes forced upon by the society we live in, rather than motivated by what we think is the right thing to do.

What maybe right for me may not be right for you. So then how does the society decide what is right, real or acceptable for everyone. While these check boxes continue to be arbitrary, why do we feel so compelled to check them?

Do we have to? Isn’t the alternative sufficient? Can we not chalk out our own path? What happens to those that dare?

When is enough, really enough?

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Filed under Abstract, Environment, Excpectations, Expectations, Relationships, Society, Thoughts

7 weeks down 45 more to go!

Scary thought! So much to do, such little time.

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Filed under Life

Letter to my coach!

Another note I will not be sharing with my coach!

Dear Coach!

I could be wrong since you are my first ever coach. I think coaches are like primary care physicians. Someone you go to for everything, every time. Occasionally you may need a specialist or an allied health care provider but you always come back to your PCP. It’s about trust and faith and comfort and familiarity.

Thank you for talking to me. I was pretty bummed that you may not want to coach me again. Though I would have understood if you ever decide to stop. I would however appreciate you telling me directly so I can stop giving people my two cents on loyalty and bestowing profanity at the pool.

Coffee/dinner is still on. Perhaps we should add cake to the mix. We never got to celebrate your birthday. Or talk about my home town.

I hope whatever you are struggling with personally sorts itself out. Keep the faith it always does. You are missed. With/without the beard*. :)

Best,
Your least successful student, hoping to kick a**!

*The discussion on the beard has the potential of becoming an inside joke. I hope it does. I might actually warm up to it.

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Filed under coach, swimming

B-Romance!

You are talking to him again. Of course you are. He is the most called number on your phone. Most emailed person by your email ids. He is the one you talk about office politics, sports, last flight catastrophe. You start your day with him, end your day with him. You have coffee dates, drink dates and double dates.

I hate him.

I wish you shared with me what you share with him.

But we don’t.

Every time you give me a hug, every time I catch you staring at my photos on your phone or sending me some as a reminder of a moment we shared, every time I serve you another serving at dinner because I know I nailed your favorite dish, every vacation, every kiss, every time you tease me, every time you get on my case, every time you make me tea to cheer me up, every time you rest your head on my shoulders after a hard days work, every time I am the first phone call when the shit really hits the fan, I know we share a bond of our own.

Happy V-day love!

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Filed under Anniversary, Bonding, Experiences, Life, Love, V-Day

Oh boy!

Valentine’s day is soon approaching. Just when you think you are done with the social mayhem of December, February sneaks up on us. The pressure!

No one tells you what happens to the happily every after. Novels, movies, even our own fantasies stop short at that perfect kiss, perfect wedding dress or that perfect honeymoon destination. Once the bills come in for all those perfections, the romance dissipates a bit. I can assure you no one talks about what happens to that perfect relationship 5, 10, 20 years after those perfections fade away.

And they do. Familiarity sets in. What was once exciting becomes boring, annoying even. What we make so much effort in obtaining, we start taking for granted. Practicality takes over the romance of it all. I wont even completely ruin it for you by telling you about bills,pets, children and perpetual sleep deprivation. Suddenly there is no you, there is us and there is all of that.

So while V-day is a sweet concept, and even better when it falls on a Saturday, I will be more than happy to get an afternoon nap along side the husband. Perhaps throw in some leisurely cuddles. Now wouldn’t that be a party.

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Filed under Humor, Life, Love, Men, Thoughts

How do they do it?

Just when I thought I deserved to take a break- of course something important is due. As of yesterday.

I want to know how successful people do it. Stay on top of things. Not stress out. Or do, and they just don’t show it?

I attended a conference recently and one of the presidents of the societies, is the Chief of pediatric surgery at a leading hospital in this country, researcher with 2 grants to his name, a lab with over 50 people being mentored in it, husband, father, board of member of his synagogue, competitive swimmer. The list was endless. Everyone who was present there spoke of how wonderful a human being he was, how his sense of humor kept everyone going and that he was truly deserving of everything that he achieved.

Of course I joined the 1500 members in giving this man a standing ovation. I felt truly honored and inspired to be in the company of such an accomplished human being.

Now I am back to my own reality. I struggle everyday. I make countless lists and sleep well even when I am able to accomplish less than 50% on it. Somehow I feel this needs to stop. I need to have more goals and I need to realize the urgency. I am hitting mid-life in about 15 years but it is coming. Quicker that we know it.

I want to tear my hair out and scream and shout and hide from reality, most of the time. But sometimes you meet some one and you wonder how do they do it?

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Filed under Always one step behind, Determination, Motivation, Success

I miss you.

With a full schedule of school, work, assignments, research, board exams, daily swimming, upcoming conference presentation and a husband with worsening health, I cannot deny that I break down only for you. Life is full but I would have made all the time for you. I have worked very hard on being positive and hopeful and moving on. But ever so often I see pregnant women, or little boys, or just my own dreams for you and I miss you.

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Filed under Life, Loss, Pain, Pre-term Labor, Pregnancy, Sad