The friendship bubble has burst!

Rant and just short of profanity! You have been warned.

That would have had to be the most underwhelming phone call I have participated in. One would think that a conversation that was put off for 13 plus years would have a more crescendo inducing high octave kind of finale. If the last few words do not make sense, don’t worry, the conversation didn’t either.

With the recent influx of “means of communication” you know you will eventually cross paths. When you physically and emotionally avoid having a conversation for years, you expect the said conversation to mean something, leave you happy, make the wait worth it, have a good effect on you. Something different in this conversation would be a reasonable expectation to have, right? You know, since people grow up, have children of their own, go through life. One would expect that things would change, people would change. That would be a reasonable expectation to have. Right? Wrong. Somethings don’t change, some people don’t change. EVER!

For all the heartache, loss of faith in relationships, some very messed up behavior and expensive counselor bills that have followed the last 13 plus years, I can finally say it wasn’t worth it. You weren’t worth it then, you aren’t worth it now. You do have the uncanny ability to screw someone else’s life and make them believe that it was all their fault. That is a gift which has brought you far and yet when I see you, I find you at exactly the same place. I will give you credit for the one truth you did speak- I gave you too much credit and you didn’t deserve it. Amen to that brother!

So, while I am on a roll, let’s just clear up one more thing. I never wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Respect, trust and freedom a very crucial elements in a relationship to me. I am not surprised you couldn’t see it, being all blinded by the love of your life. I bet if she knew what I did about you, she would not have stuck by your either. Actually scratch that. She may have. You are perfect for each other, you need someone to stoke your ego, she needed someone to pay the bills. Match made in heaven.

All said and done, I would like to thank you for one thing. I learned what friends should not be. You were my best lesson in life. Now that I have this off my chest, I think I can go back to being normal, trusting, non-judgmental, and giving friend that I was raised to be.


Filed under Communication, conversations, Emotions, Friends, Life, Sad, Thoughts

Friday Fives!

# I complete 9 years with WordPress today. I was already blogging on Blogspot before that. Most people that I followed then and continue to do so now have moved over to WordPress. This place feels like home. It feels like my own family.

# I’ve been working on amends with people. People I let go, those who let me go. One would think that after all this time, the feelings then don’t really matter. Or so we tell ourselves. But they do. How you dealt with them then even more so.

# Does anyone know how to hold onto time. It is flying past me and I am losing some ground. My swim coach once told me, each day is a day you can do something about. Friday, Monday, Thursday are really all the same.

# Three more months to this year. How did I get this far and get no where?

# #StepitupSeptember went well. Of course it could have been better. But now onto October. Time for quarter yearly resolutions? #IneedahashtagforOctober. :) Any suggestions anyone?

Happy weekend y’all.

Leave a comment

Filed under Life, Plans, Update

When giving up is an option.

Have you ever worked hard towards a singular goal, but didn’t achieve it. Then one day realization dawns on you that it would be okay to give up. Life doesn’t have to be exactly what you had planned, but a stream of choices that you make that take you to where you are then pave the way for the future. A future, perhaps not envisioned but worked towards.

And just when that realization dawns on you, you know you have to give this one singular life’s mission one last try. Just to know what it would feel like to succeed.

Not giving up. Not now. Try me!


Filed under Challenges, Determination, focus, Life, Living my life

Friday fives! 

1. I’m embracing the true meaning of letting go. It means different things to different people. So I’m finding my meaning and letting go. 

2. When the mind refuses to get tamed one can tire the body enough to overcome the mind.

3. Continuing to challenge the body with a 10 K race! Very excited about this one. 

4. Going to learn how to be happy, stress free. 

5. Unclear about the future. Don’t know what coordinates I occupy at the moment or where I’d like to be in a few years. 

Leave a comment

Filed under Abstract, Always one step behind, Blogging, Career, coach, Communication, Confusion, Culture, Decisions, Determination, Disappointments, Dreams, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Facts, Goal, Health, Hope, Inspiration, Issues, Life, Living my life, Milestones, Motivation, People, Personal, Priorities, Resolutions, Success, swimming, Thoughts, Update, Wishes

About mum!

My mum took up studying when I was barely 8. Her sudden disappearance from my life was hard to deal with, making me a troublesome pre-teen. She and I learned to adjust together and also respect each other’s needs. My mother could have given up her own dreams to take care of me and my family. But she kept going, struggling and not being perfect in any way. She wasn’t scared of breaking down in tears before exams, or speaking to my father about how her children were driving her crazy.

She wasn’t around for the first Christmas party I went to and I still feel embarrassed about showing up in my school uniform. I had to learn to plait my own hair because she just didn’t have time. I even learned to cook and fend for myself as you know teenagers get hungry at all odd times of the day. Needless to say, I was angry with her for not being around. Now that I think about it, I have so many little stories that I could tell you and complain about and ones that still bother me in some ways.

That was eons ago and like any rational well balanced adult, I have all that behind me. Except not everything is. Today when I am faced with difficult decisions, conflicting priorities and impossible choices I take a deep breath and think what would my mum have done?

I now know her life wasn’t easy, neither were the choices she had to make. She did however and I don’t know if she knows it, set the best example she could as a patient mother, devoted wife, career oriented dignified woman. When I am lost and weary and tired and feel defeated I often think of my mum. I know it would be okay to struggle, but moving forward is the name of the game. I know there will be days when I will feel defeated, and feel like nothing is going my way. I know it is okay to shed a tear and not feel weak. I know that no matter what, life goes on, children grow up, husbands learn to feed themselves and people will understand.

My mother gave me lessons on finding my place in this world. While I know I have to be the daughter, wife, sister, aunt, cousin, niece, friend I need not forget that I am important too.


Filed under Fears, Inspiration, Life, Living my life

When things aren’t going your way..

Life doesn’t always go as planned. You don’t always get what you want or think you deserved. Actually life isn’t ever fair and that is the only expectation one can keep from it.

We have a choice. Sit around and be miserable, or get up and do something about changing your circumstances. This talk speaks volumes to me when I drift off the chosen path.

Hope it can help you too. Happy Monday y’all.

Leave a comment

Filed under Dreams, Hopes, Motivation, Plans


I have talked about this day so many times on this blog. No matter what where how old you were, you have a story. I am sure everyone has one. You remember exactly where you were, what you were doing and the vulnerability you felt when you heard/saw the news.

Vulnerability was probably followed by fear, anger, frustration and sadness. I saw tears in the eyes of grown men and fear in those that often knew how to comfort us. True, life as we knew it would never be the same again. Not for the ones who were directly affected but everyone who has experienced this in their lifetime.

I often wonder though is #Never forget an appropriate/adequate homage to those who suffered, whether it was loss of a loved one, property, health, safety or even a good night’s sleep, or is it keeping the terror alive and letting the other side win.

My pledge is to #neverforget that they don’t scare us, they don’t dominate us. We will live on and we will flourish. We will love and smile and feel free. We will teach our children to trust and shake a stranger’s hands without fear. We will tell them that this world is a beautiful place and not everyone is bad because of a handful of people.

We will #neverforget that patience, tolerance and love triumphs any act of terrorism thrown at us.

Leave a comment

Filed under Determination, Expereinces, Faith, Fears, Healing, Life