In the ideal world…

If I could have one day or even a moment, in which you could indulge in me, with no consequences to my words or actions, just pure exchange of words, feelings and thoughts, then perhaps we could stop with the blame game, forgotten past, unsaid words and unwritten stories.

In the ideal world we would still be friends. The kinds that chatted for hours, in spite of months or even years of silence, between whom it was okay to let our guard down and admit our love for each other. We don’t acquire each other, we chose each other which makes this a unique bond.

No, this post is not in any retaliation, so wipe off that smirk from your face. I will admit though that you too are a part of this hope that I hold for so many.

In the ideal world, I would not have to hope this hope..

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Filed under Abstract, Camaraderie, Communication, conversations, Disappointments, Emotions, Expectations, Friends, friendships, Hopes, Life, Pain, People, Personal, Relationships, Short, Thoughts


I looked for my previous posts on thanksgiving, and found this. Tomorrow all those years ago, changed the course of history. Most of us got closer and stood united against the attack on our home. It didn’t matter which family I belonged to, which language I spoke, what my religious beliefs were, or even which country I lived in. For those of us who have had the privilege to call Mumbai home, were deeply affected. Our home was under attack and we were hurt. Together.

Tomorrow happens to be Thanksgiving in my adopted country. It is one of my favorite holidays. It is the celebration of harvest and a way of giving thanks.The origin of this holiday can induce some negativity around the holiday, but now it is a time when families get together for a food coma inducing food fest , family, warmth, hugs and love. There is no exchange of gifts which makes it a real holiday especially in this very consumerism driven society. I absolutely love it.

I have a long list of things I am thankful for, but today I am going thank this blog. It has been a part of me for 10 interesting years. Thanks for providing me this platform for my expressions, relief, friends I have made, and the wonderful bloggers I have been able to follow.

Happy thanksgiving y’all!


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Filed under celebration, Communication, conversations, Culture, Environment, Expectations, Food, Friends, friendships, Home, Hope, Issues, Life, Loss, People, Priorities, Society, Thoughts, Wishes


The jury is out there on this one. Some people believe in it. Some don’t.

My WordPress reader had this post come up a few days and I remember making an effort to read it completely. I pondered over this post and thought of all the people and circumstances that I know have shaped me to be the person that I am today. In the recent months, and I tell you there is no escaping this, I have been confronted by my past. Some that I have waited for all this while and some that I had hoped I would be able to avoid forever. Damn you Zuckerberg/ Acton and Koum there is no escaping anyone now is there?

I was very surprised by a friend request over Facebook yesterday, since this person did pop into my mind after reading that post. I was even more surprised by the flood of emotions. Yes we are very emotional these days. I would really like the curse of the hormones to be over already. But given that it is another month with no positive results is beginning to take a toll on my general sanity. The tears that followed I am pretty sure were the result of the betrayal by the said Facebook friend request sender that is still palpable.

So what does the said friend request sender want from me now? I don’t think the said person knows or remembers that I had declined this invitation a few years ago. Back then, if you didn’t want me in your life I wouldn’t waste a second to stay in your life. With old age I am little less swift now, but I have no tolerance for rude, mean people. I am enough of that already and dealing with what my head puts me through is tough enough. I don’t really need a second party. It is pretty wild and rough already.

But you know curiosity trumps it all. So again, what did the said person want, I wanted to know. – Wanted to wish me on my birthday. Ah! So they remember, the way to my heart is to fuss over me around my birthday. No, friend request sender won’t fall for it this time. I think god sent that post to me for a reason. Don’t let the past haunt you. There is a reason I moved on. You have got to love coincidences.


Filed under Abstract, friendships, Humor, People

The traditionalist?!

Karva Chauth is a day of fasting observed by married women for the health and longevity for their husbands. It is a tradition followed by women from the northern part of India.

As a child growing up in Mumbai, I watched my mother keep this fast every year for my father. The year she started to study again, my father requested her to consume fruits and water so that was the end of stringent fasts. What never changed was the ritual of breaking the fast. My mother would make ‘pukka khana’ and puas. ( traditional formal north indian food with a deep fried sweet treat made with whole wheat four). She would arrange a prayer plate. Seven different ingredients, rice, sugar, almonds, cashews, raisons, puas and some money, plus water for the moon. We, my family of four would await the moon. Once sighted, my mother would pour water in the direction of the moon, say a little prayer, we would all join in. Every year she would  attempt to touch my father’s feet, which is a sign of respect to our elderly. My father would always hold her halfway and hold her in a huge warm embrace. Then he would feed her first morsel and my brother and I would grab the puas. Our favorite part of the day.

I have never forgotten those warm long embraces my parents shared. For me it was always an acknowledgement of their love of each other. That day stood for the promises they made to each other. The commitment they had towards their marriage vows. The acceptance of life with it’s good and bad, but always together. The moment my father would hold my mother, reminded me that everything was okay in our world. Actually scratch that. It was perfect in our world.

So naturally when I got married it would be a day I would share with my husband. I follow pretty much the same ritual. My husband won’t even let me bend to touch his feet. We always hug, he always feeds me my first morsel and I always cook his favorite food. The year I lost my father, I begged him to let me touch his feet. My husband had become the anchor I thought I had lost. That year, he became the son my mother never had, the support my brother thought had lost for ever and so much more. While he understood what it meant to me, he didn’t let me, but he held me tight until I stopped crying. I am not sure if he held me because it was cold or he just knew that I would need that hug to last a little longer.

4 years since then I have never missed Karva Chauth. It is the day I say thanks to my husband for being him, my anchor, my voice of reason, my strength, my friend, my confidant, and hopefully one day the father of my children, while being completely fussed about.

Over the past few years I have noticed that the newer generation of Indian women don’t share the sentiments that I do. They probably don’t care about traditions or consider this a feminist cause to fight. Whatever their motivation, I can respect the choices they make. And just like that I would like for my choices to be respected. Not necessarily accepted but respected.


Filed under A first, Abstract, Blogging, Bonding, celebration, conversations, Culture, death, Emotions, Expectations, Milestones

Take a deep breath in….then let go…..

Let’s just all take a minute to agree upon the fact that this was the toughest week the husband I have survived without once mentioning the tragedy that struck us last year. An event that has changed me for life, that has changed my relationship with my husband forever and the one that has made us both appreciate little mercies in life.

So while we were profoundly affected last year, this year we celebrated and hugged and laughed and smiled and not once did we bring up last year. I deliberately so, the husband probably because he forgot.

And that is okay.. out with the old, in with the new. We are going to be okay. We are! We just have to take a deep breath in…. and then let go…

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Filed under Birthday, Life, Loss, Love, partner

3.1 miles..

One Sunday I signed up for a 5K. Something I had always said I couldn’t do. It was time to shake things up and I did. The max run rate on the registration website was 15miles/hour. So I told myself if I could finish the race in less that 40 minutes I would have done it in less time than the max amount allowed. I would be happy with it. I was.

I wasn’t happy enough. That is the one thing about humans. Once we get what we wanted we start wanting something else. We are never satisfied. Sometimes it is a good thing, sometimes not so much. So another Sunday evening I signed up for a 10K, in the hope to improve on my time, stamina and performance. I am no where close to where I want be in terms of my training. But in the next 5 weeks I hope to be exactly where I should. At the finish line. Claiming my prize at the end of it, hugging the man who would be most proud of me. Texting a few people to tell them my time, who would share my joy.

On this journey and I call it a very positive one, I have met some amazing people. Those who told me to never say never and those who thought me to believe in myself. Those that showed me when you put your mind to something, you can achieve anything. When I was presented with the TCS NYC marathon after party passes, I decided that was the birthday celebration I would have. So I stood at the finish line to watch two of the four people I personally knew from the 50,000+ people who ran the marathon. It had to be the most exhilarating, emotion inducing moment for me. I cried when I joined the crowd to applaud the 94 year old man cross the finish line. I couldn’t stop jumping when I spotted my cousin make the final leap to the mark and then the one girl I have only met twice but has come to mean so much to me in the last few months, throw her hands up in the air as she owned the TCS NYC marathon.

Thank you, I couldn’t have asked for a better celebration of my birthday. 3.1 miles in absolutes isn’t a very long distance but I know it has changed my life forever.


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Filed under A first, Birthday, celebration, Determination, Inspiration, Life, Living my life, Motivation, Plans, Running

Crisp fall mornings…

Fall in the United States happens to be my favorite time of the year… I know there is a dreaded snow laden winter coming our way, but fall reminds me of happy moments in my life.

My first trip to the US with my father that I can remember. I was 11 and took a bus ride from Philadelphia to Baltimore on my own. It was one stop and my father put me on the bus. I think my family still talks about how crazy my father was to do that and how brave I was to make it on that 2 hour journey. It was something my dad and I laughed about.

Apples and apple cider and pies and leaves changing colors. Warm warm cozy sweaters and lot of tea. Some of my favorite things to have, do, wear.

Diwali and Dussehra and the month long festivities back at home. I miss them tremendously but thanks to technology I get glimpses of what people are doing back home.

My birthday followed by my husbands. This time of the year is generally celebratory….

And then you… I was almost 20 months.. waiting to feel you kick inside me, starting to tell people about you.. and then finally holding you in my arms..  not knowing if I had failed you or you had decided, you weren’t going to bother with us. No matter what the truth was, you will always be my happiest of memories.


Filed under Anniversary, Condolences, conversations, death, Disappointments, Dreams, Emotions, Expectations, Healing, Life, Marriage, Pain, Sad, Thoughts