It’s very lonely. Most battles have to be fought alone. There is help or advice available, but the actions have to be one’s own.

The one thing we have power over is the one power we give away most readily. Next time you eat a french fry I want you to think about it.

I always voiced my concerns about smokers. I am finding that obesity is equally bad. I might have to join a new fight, starting with myself.

A goal without a plan is just a wish. Nothing could be truer in my case. There is so much I want to achieve but I don’t seem to have the appropriate plans. That will change starting  now, especially since I caught myself looking at sprint triathlon dates for next year.

I love my family. I detest my family. Enough said.

Happy Thursday y’all!

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Filed under Blogging, Decisions, Determination, Disappointments, Emotions, Environment, Excpectations, Life, Update

My dear coach…

I signed up for my first ever 5K run. I have never run in my life. I think you along with everyone who knows me knows my disdain for running. It isn’t running I disdain. It is my inability to run. I have masked it all these years but now I am ready to shake that. I am ready to accept my fears and shortcomings and I am ready to face them. In 8 weeks I will be running my first race ever.

As I signed up for it, I thought of you my coach. I thought of all the things you taught me about getting out of my comfort zone, about challenging my body and my mind, about visualizing success and going for it. Most of all about believing in myself.

Last year when I met you, I didn’t ever think I would be swimming, or would hike the Grand Canyon. I was even told I couldn’t get pregnant. Then you came along with your positivity and go getting attitude. I heard of your own struggles and saw how you never gave up. I didn’t see any self pity or self doubt. I saw conviction and determination. It made me realize how trivial some of my problems were and how I could over come them myself.

A 5K isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. It is a big deal to me. The fact that I am thinking about it and have just registered for it, I know what I have just challenged myself to. I think of you, because at another time on another day with different circumstances I think you would have been proud of me. I would have been so happy and excited to tell you all about it.

Unfortunately we no longer share that rapport. I know I messed up, like I tend to with people I love the most. I’m so infamous for ruining my most treasured relationships that even my mother warned me against fighting with you. What is unfortunate is that we didn’t even have a fight. We have just drifted apart. I want to tell you about my running, about my swimming progress, about my school and life in general, like I used to.

But here I am, hoping that you know, for all the doubts and pain and misunderstanding, I miss you terribly my dear coach, my trusted friend.


Filed under Communication, Life

I don’t want to ask for money!

I saw the opportunity to volunteer for a local community event. It was good time in my life to do something for people who weren’t my family, friends or loved ones. American Cancer Society, Relay for life seemed like a sensible organization to volunteer for. I have been at the medical end of cancer for a while now. We put together facts and tell our patients what we think is their prognosis. Mostly it comes down to delivering bad news. Sometimes we win, most times we don’t. This was an opportunity to work with people who don’t rely on evidence based medicine, but rely on hope and prayers, strength and pure grit.

I have been involved for a few months now as the lead media person maintaining our local relay’s Facebook page and Twitter account. Our event is very small with a handful of committee members. Through volunteering I have met some wonderful people from my community that I have lived in for the last 6 years. I have heard their own cancer survival stories, or stories about loved ones which didn’t end so well. In spite of their loss and suffering these people hang on to hope that perhaps in their lifetime, they will see a cure for cancer.

Being a person of science and from the medical field, facts that I know cloud my own hopes. But the power of faith that these few individuals exhibit at every interaction I make with them, moves me and motivates me like no other.

What I would like most is for you to come join us at our event to cheer our wonderful Relayers who have taken upon themselves to walk for 12 hours fundraising and increasing awareness about the work American Cancer Society does for research, treatment and care for cancer patients and their families.

Thank you for reading until the end. Even if you cannot make it I am happy that you have read through. I am glad I have been able to make your aware of this organization and hopefully in the future you can get involved in your own ways.

Sometimes it take more than money to make a difference!


Filed under Faith, Hope, Life

Sweet memories..

Ever so often I stop..

To remind myself, there were good days. They ended badly, but there will always be the good.

Ever so often I stop..

To remember all the times we laughed together. The smiles have disappeared but I will always have those laughs we shared.

Ever so often I stop..

To tell myself that you gave me a lot more to live and love for than the pain I feel within.

Ever so often I stop..

To ask myself where did we go wrong. Did it have to turn out this way?

Ever so often I stop..

To wonder if you ever stop to think of me?!


Filed under Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Friends, Hope, Relationships

Time to show up

I have gone ahead and enrolled in a master’s swim class. I know I am no where at the skill level of the current students. I am very intimidated already. I didn’t sleep very well last night. That says something. This morning I went ahead with a 600 yard drill. I was done in 30 minutes so I practiced a few other strokes, and finished with  a 100 yard cool down.

C’mmon, there has to come a time when I try the next level. So I wrote to my old coach who runs the program and asked him what he thought about my crazy idea. He said show up, we will figure it out.

I am very very nervous about it. If anyone talks me out of it I will probably quit but for now I am to show up on Friday.

Wish me luck. I am going to show up!

Addendum: I got a bit of reality check from my coach today. I also had a nice chat with him about my goals and I think he understands where I am coming from. but nope, no masters for me. Not just yet.

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Filed under Decisions, Determination, Expectations, Experiences, Faith, Food, Goal, Living my life, swimming

Personal Statements

No matter what you apply to, be a school, job, one needs to write a personal statement. I need to write another one to suit the position I am applying to. It is supposed to be personal but we all know that there are recipes involved. You need to use the buzzwords, create a story and sound awesome. Here is what I want to really say to my employer, while I work on rounding off the edges. :)

You probably want me to say, I want this job because I to save lives. Social work is what I feel passionate about and this job will give me an opportunity to give back to the community I have got so much from.

Well, here is the truth. I do want to save lives, but more importantly I want to decrease suffering. I have learned through my years of experience that I will not be able to save all the lives I will encounter, but if I can make one more person comfortable, ease their suffering, lessen their pain, I can sleep well at night, knowing I did the best I could. That my patients are in a better place now than when I first met them.

I am passionate about Surgery. I like operating, I like the procedures. I thrive on the challenges each patient provides. I find it fascinating that on one hand, the human body is exactly the same irrespective of race, religion,color, geographical location, ( of course there are gender differences to be accounted for) on the other each person brings with them their own challenges. Sometime the approach to the same disease, can throw us a curve ball. I look forward to that challenge. I like knowing that no matter what that curve ball is I can think on my feet and I can come up with a solution. If I don’t know what that solution is, I have enough experience to know that I should ask for help. I am very okay with that, as deep down I really want my patients to win their battle with disease.

Having experienced pain, loss and suffering from close quarters, I know that as a doctor I may not always have a cure, I might not always make things right, I may not always have the answers, but I can always be kind and attentive. I want to continue to learn and be involved in gaining knowledge. I know as healthcare professionals we have not even scratched the surface, which is why I am involved in research. It is important to ask pertinent questions. it is important to look outside of the box and sometimes pretend there is no box.

My need for constantly improving, my intellectual curiosity and need to make good of my qualifications keeps me self motivated. I do well under pressure, I communicate easily and can adapt to different environments easily. I enjoy working in teams and can comfortably take on leadership roles.

I know I will be an asset to your organization. I will fit in well and can hit the ground running. I am good. You can only find out if you actually take me. So don’t take my word for it, take me. Work with me. And you will see. :)


Filed under Humor


Some chapters are best closed. However hard it might be.

Weekends need to be more productive. Cannot be playing wife/friend/daughter all the time.

Lean in. All the way. You may not get the support you need at times. But you got it.

Keep the faith. In yourself. That is all that matters.

Take a break. Alone if need be.

Happy Sunday!

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Filed under Thoughts