Friday – rant day

I mean no offense to anyone. I would also like you to challenge my experiences by helping me find new ones, ones that restore my faith but for now, I need to rant.

  1. Everybody in this time and age is a connoisseur of sorts. I don’t like this coffe, cannot stand that movie, don’t read such books, not my type of music, not my type of people. Before you even allow yourself to give another thing a chance, the nose is turned up and a no is at the tip of the tongue. How about tone down false egos, get off your high horse and learn to appreciate little things in life. Or just take your negativity elsewhere.
  2. Nope you are not entitled. Nothing and absolutely nothing entitles you to anything. Not even your voting right if you are going to abuse it. Your parent’s money, your parent’s lack of decent bringing up, your arrogant little self who has never achieved anything in life, is not entitled. To people, places or things. Ask your parents. They have worked very hard to get where they are. They have worked very hard to provide for you. You just didn’t see the sleepless nights, or bank statements. No lunch is free should have been the one lesson they taught you.
  3. The struggle is real for everyone. If you have had it easy thus far you are going to get it bad later on. At some point you will have to pay your dues. Everyone has to. I wished parents would teach their kids that. Yes we all want to provide the best for our children, we want to do more than our parents did. If you think you turned out alright, then your parents did something right. I bet they didn’t always say yes and you were punished for bad behaviour. It is okay to do the same for the next generation.
  4. Health is an investment. It takes time, energy, money and shifting of priorities. So the ‘chalta hai’ attitude thrown at someone who has battled weight loss for years, watched her family disappear due to ignorance and arrogance is irritating and unnecessary. I understand that my constant reminder to my friends and family could be irritating. I would hope that you can see, I come from a place of worry, fear and care. Only because I want the best for you, do I take that extra minute to send you articles, information and reminders that I feel would be helpful to you. I am very close to stop caring with your attitude.
  5. What’s up with the new passive aggressive behaviour on social media. What’s up with I know it all attitude? What’s up with, I am too cool to ask arrogance? What’s up with hoping life will happen to you, when you make no effort of living it to it’s fullest potential?

Phew! Over and out! Have a great weekend you all!

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One month down!

Daymn! Time passes off fast. This has to be the most repeated statement ever. This is my monthly check-in with my resolutions- so if you are looking for an earth shattering, soul stimulating, cryptic, funny or philosophical post, this is the time you stop reading and find another blog post to ruminate over. This right here is just a check-in from this post:

Things I’ve got: Done and dusted for the month of January!

  • Drink more water, 10K steps daily at a minimum
  • Write at least one paper every 3 months- working on it. Will finish 3 papers this week
  • Network on a daily basis
  • Get a better job- Got a new job!
  • Log in a daily thought- Yes!
  • Learn to bake bread, try new recipes, try new cuisines- three breads this month
  • Meal prep weekly, weigh my food, log food, water and exercise diligently- Yes!
  • Read articles, books that don’t include school work, research articles, and news.- 1984, Gone girl, NYT!
  • Blog/Instagram/ Write reviews regularly. Make a schedule and stick with it.
  • Limit online/social activity: Do it daily but restrict the number of hours on it- An hour daily.
  • Continue and increase recycling- remember almost everything can be recycled- More about this in posts to come.
  • Continue and do better with minimalistic living- Loving it! It is hard though.
  • Let go of people, places, ideas and thoughts that don’t want to stay- Not that hard.
  • Remember that money saved is money earned- Oh yeah!

Things I need to work on/ or are a work in progress:

  • Complete Master’s thesis- I haven’t even started yet.
  • Complete all pending research papers -on the way.
  • Weight training, swimming, yoga to be incorporated in weekly routines- Haven’t started with swimming yet.
  • Sort out pending paper work from last year- Haven’t really started.
  • Read the newspaper daily, not monthly- Not happening yet. February-c’mmon step it up baby.
  • Wake up early(6am-ish), exercise, shower, light an aggarbatti at the home. Not waking up early, but rest is good.
  • Invest in property- started the process to find out how much we can afford.
  • Travel to a destination outside of the US- May not happen with the new job, baby making plans etc. But a girl can dream right.
  • Learn Spanish-this is the year
  • Go skating this year-maybe
  • Learn to dance -maybe

 

 

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You don’t always need words!

 

Unsaid words make for the worst conversations. The guessing game is tough, painful, and time consuming. We yearn for the truth. Who knows what that is?

*”In a face to face conversation a lot more is apparent via the non-verbal, the eye contact, body language etc, and the content of the conversation – who is contributing how much, how much monosyllabic utterances etc are being used. This assessment is difficult as it is – because how much do [you] actually know someone or what’s really going on for him/her, but particularly more difficult in written esp text chat etc, given one might not even smile but respond with LOL!*

Hopes and desires take over the senses and turn to pain and anguish. Instead can I propose some faith in your belief. Even if the words you wanted to hear weren’t uttered, trust your self, your feelings and savor the memories you made.

*”Between two people it is the underlying central character of the relationship that they share is the only thing that matters, everything else, including the quantity and quality of conversations etc is an embellishment.”*

*I would quote you, but I don’t even know how to address you, or what place you want to have in my life. Thank you for your words!

 

 

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Thought-pourri

There is a certain pleasure in telling the detractors “watch me”.

It is easier to give up, much harder to keep going. Reminding yourself why you even started may help.

I judge, so do you. That is the only we process the information we get and react to our circumstances.

Letting go is hard. It is not the thing that we are letting go, but the person we are because of this thing that we will miss the most.

We don’t always have to let go. No one can take away our memories from us.

 

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The village

When I got married to my husband I knew I was in for a different experience.  I wasn’t expecting good, bad, better or worse just different. I strongly believe that people all over the world are the same despite race, culture, language and geographical differences. My faith led me to believe I would be fine in my adopted family in spite of different traditions, food, culture and people.

I knew we were different people due to differences in our upbringing, the cities we were raised in, experiences we had amassed along our individual journeys. Six years after we got married decided to experience the life my mother in law had adopted. A life in a village in the southern region of the state called Odisha, formerly known as Orissa.

It’s been an enriching experience. Orissa happens to be a farmer friendly well organized state with little corruption at the grass root level. That translates into flourishing farm lands, rich farmers with assets beyond our city folk imagination. Life is pure manual labor from the minute you wake up, which is generally very early to the minute you sleep. This is interspersed with village gossip and politics. Something we city folk would miserably fail at as we have no talent in those departments.

On the face of it, everyone is nice, caring, hardworking, independent and proficient in the art of family drama. No one would miss a beat to participate in village gossip, politics, land deals and pettiness. But such is life in a small place, where people don’t lock their doors and food could be served from any kitchen. There is a certain openness in this place, where love and affection is abundant. However when it comes to land and money, things can change any moment. Family feuds can start at any time, sisters can disown brothers, marriage arrangements can be broken all over a land deal gone bad.

In such a volatile environment, I find myself a stranger and yet well accepted. I know I walk a very thin line, between being likable to becoming a threat. Nothing is subtle here and it amazes me that a lot of city folk think, the villagers are simple people. The ironies are interesting and I look forward to many more experiences.

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Call a spade a spade

Plan, resolution, intention, hope- call it what you want everyone wants to see better versions of themselves. I don’t think anyone can deny there is something about the date changing that inspires us to make changes in our lives. I have banked on this feeling for the last two years. I will admit putting things down in writing makes for a good source of accountability, reference and motivation. Unlike the past few years I have been working on my list of minor alterations that I have been wanting to do for a while. My list is long and extensive, but by no means complete. Simple mundane things of daily living have found their way into my list. So instead of scribbling these on paper, I decided to jot them down here:

  • Wake up early(6am-ish), exercise, shower, light an aggarbatti at the home
  • Drink more water, 10K steps daily at a minimum
  • Read the newspaper daily, not monthly
  • Complete Master’s thesis
  • Complete all pending research papers
  • Write at least one paper every 3 months
  • Network on a daily basis
  • Get a better job
  • Log in a daily thought
  • Learn to bake bread, try new recipes, try new cuisines
  • Meal prep weekly, weigh my food, log food, water and exercise diligently
  • Weight training, swimming, yoga to be incorporated in weekly routines
  • Read articles, books that don’t include school work, research articles, and news.
  • Blog/Instagram/ Write reviews regularly. Make a schedule and stick with it.
  • Limit online/social activity: Do it daily but restrict the number of hours on it
  • Sort out pending paper work from last year
  • Continue and increase recycling- remember almost everything can be recycled
  • Continue and do better with minimalistic living
  • Let go of people, places, ideas and thoughts that don’t want to stay
  • Remember that money saved is money earned
  • Invest in property
  • Travel to a destination outside of the US
  • Learn Spanish-this is the year
  • Go skating this year-maybe
  • Learn to dance -maybe

Hmm, I think I will do a monthly check on this list. I am happy to say 2 weeks down and I have been sticking to this plan already. What are your goals?

 

 

 

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It doesn’t begin even after it has…

Countless couples like me and my husband did everything in our 20’s not to have children. In our 30’s we are doing everything to have at least one child. Each one of us has our own different struggle stories. That, it is raining babies provides some sort of solace. But then it would be a lie to say it doesn’t hurt just a little bit every time we hear of our friends and family having a baby. Every month we go through the cycle of reliving our  disappointment yet again.

We hold on to hope day in and day out. We pray, we become the support the other needs. We remind ourselves that we are there for each other and that no matter what we love each other. We are each other’s anchors, because this journey can really drain you emotionally, physically, not to mention financially.

Yet we both have come to realize that having a baby isn’t the end of it. In the recent months we have been exposed to a different side to parenting. No one tells you about their autistic child, or their five year old who is diagnosed of Crohn’s disease. No one tells you how much parents worry about the health of their child, or how much their life changes. How saving for college takes on a whole new meaning. No one tells you that even when their child becomes an adult parents spend sleepless nights when they know their child is struggling. I guess not enough likes for reality.

No one tells you that if you think having a baby is tough, you have no idea what having a baby really means.

 

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