When doctors get it wrong. 

Personal details to follow.

I’m waiting to go back to the fertility specialist. 

When I met him last year the one thing no one asked us at this clinic was how often my husband and I had sex. The frequency, quality and timing of sexual encounter are very essential aspects in the baby making process. 

Just because we are a happily married couple who don’t believe in abstinence or protection, and definitely beat the national average of how many times we do it in a week, we may not necessarily be doing it right. 

Question to you- How many people does it take to ruin the chances of conceiving a baby during 6 years of marriage. Well two of course. The odds really go up when the two are you guessed it a doctor and a banker. 

Against all odds we conceived naturally last year. Well when you start aiming it right, at the right time, put healthy habits, like exercise and diet to the mix, your chances go up. 

Unfortunately we lost a perfect little boy. I’m not looking forward to this conversation with the infertility specialist. Last time we left his office our options were in-vitro fertilization or adoption. This time I have no clue what to expect. Gulp! 

Wish me luck! 


Filed under Confusion, Decisions, Determination, Disappointments, Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Facts, Faith, Fears, Health, Humor, Issues, Life, Loss, Love, Marriage, Motivation, Pain, People, Philosophy, Pregnancy, Priorities, Questions., Sad, Thoughts, Update, Wishes

Spring cleaning!

There is only so much space we have in our lives. For anything. Be it clothes or the very hidden secret feelings we harbor. Only so much space only so much patience and only so much time to hoard. So time for some spring cleaning. Here are my broad categories:

Thoughts: Time for the negativity to be lost. The sun is beginning to shine. Winter is on its last leg. Let go off the past, the negativity and pain and heartaches and tears. The sun will soon shine upon us all.

Things: Clutter of space only increases clutter in mind. IMHO! Clear things out especially if the broken, chipped, useless stuff. Things that you think one day they maybe of some use. If you haven’t used it in the last 6mths/2 years let it go.

Them: Yes those people that hurt you, take advantage of you, or violate you. If in doubt of any of the above, let them go. They are not worth your time or energy. They want a space back in your life let them earn it. Else they go too!

Happy Spring cleaning y’all!


Filed under Decisions, Determination, Experiences, People, Personal, Thoughts

Another three weeks to go. Originally written on 9/21/2014

I never got to publish this post. It is the last of the drafts I had started to write. I notice a common theme in all my posts when I was pregnant. I was constantly worried. About the health of the baby, my health. I know I was becoming that crazy stressed out woman. When the mother-in-law can sense your stress, you know you have gone step too far. I wonder if I wanted perfection and I was killing myself over it.

I feel the body decided that it won’t give me anything since I wanted it to be so perfect. Having gone through one pregnancy loss will I feel the same way about the next? Will I be more amenable to keeping a special needs child? Will it be fair? Will I even be the same person? Will the next child be as precious? Will I even be able to have the next child?

I crossed the 40th week a few days ago. Lots of tears later it hit me that I was still grieving. Some chocolate, some pasta, some movies later I am ready to re-start!.

Before I completely let go off the past and move on I wanted to share this last blog post.

It is the last time I may mention you but you will never be forgotten. 

Another three weeks to go.

I think I am going to wait another three weeks before I will announce you to the world. It will be the early anatomy scan time in 3 weeks. So far everything has come back okay. In three weeks I will be told how you are developing and if there is anything I need to be concerned about. I will also find out if you are a boy or a girl.

My uncontrolled blood sugars aren’t helping but I am working very hard at them. Didn’t know I could be so responsible suddenly. I am generally a very responsible person, but I wouldn’t wait for the traffic lights to turn green, or drink 2-3 liters of water everyday, eat a piece of cheese every night, because I know it is the one thing that will keep my blood sugars under control. I go swimming everyday, walking most days and I am so happy doing it.

I constantly remind myself, that you didn’t ask to be born. We made you and it would be up to us to do the right by you. I am not saying I will protect you from everything I can. I actually wont. I want you to learn to survive and do it well. I just don’t want to be irresponsible. So yes you will eat your vegetables, drink your milk, exercise and watch TV only if you have earned it. I will nudge you to study and be academically oriented, and you will be given the freedom to chose any passion you want to pursue.

I cannot wait to tell the world about you!


Filed under Bonding, Communication, Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Fears, Life, Love, Personal, Pregnancy, Relationships


We only see what we want to. We only see what we are shown. When mixed together the picture can be so far away from the truth. If that is my truth, it can as easily be yours.

Social media is a great reminder why you went apart in the first place. There is a reason we stop talking connecting. Just because the means of communication have increased, we don’t necessarily have that much to say.

What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. This cliche couldn’t be more true. If you get up one day and realize you survived the most dreaded day of your life, you know life will go one and so will you.

How do educated successful people not have an opinion in life. Or perhaps they do and they do not wish to share it. It is their prerogative after all. Or are they not adequately provoked or worse still affected.

Marital relationships continue to be a mystery. It seems as though social media activity is inversely proportional to quality of one’s marital life. I am working on this theory.

Have a great Monday and week!


Filed under Camaraderie, Communication, Experiences, Life, Marriage, Opnion, Update

Lessons learned

1. Confidence can take you places. Hold your head high.

2. Sometimes commitment to working hard isn’t enough. One has to commit to taking the plunge.

3. Every endeavor takes time. It is better to do it right than to do it fast and do it wrong.

4. Comparisons don’t help. If you have to compete, compete with yourself.

5. Have tangible goals. Once committed to them, do what it takes to achieve them.


Filed under coach, Life, swimming

Paying my dues..

Dates come by fast. Only I have nothing to show for it. Some pain, some emptiness, a lie full of promises. A worried husband, a counselor on stand-by. Yet this is my battle, mine alone.

Words fail me. My feelings fail me too. I don’t know if it is okay to mourn the loss of what was not meant to be. Is it okay to hold on to the positives and move on?

The mind is playing tricks. All the heart wants is a moment of peace. In due time I hope.


Filed under Decisions, Disappointments, Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Loss, Sad, Thoughts

When seasons change.

There is hope of change. Moving away from what has been. An opportunity. One we may need. One we may not necessarily like but an opportunity nonetheless. One would think the past could be left behind. Or at least hope that with the change of the season, a certain novelty in the current state could be endeavored. Perhaps that is a lofty goal. Perhaps one should aim high. Perhaps it is time to stop and smell the roses.

No matter what the season is changing. It is time to embrace what it brings with it.

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Filed under Abstract, Communication, Decisions, Environment, Excpectations, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Priorities, Update