No one told us..

They say babies should come with manuals. I have agreed for most part. The range of normal in child rearing is rather infinite. For folks that follow logic and science the lack of binomials can be unnerving. I wish I had a go to.

We don’t. Nor can there be. Different people find different stages of a child’s life “difficult”.

The adjustment to the addition of a new variable in your equation takes a lot of work. Relationships change. Some for good. Some for bad. The place you hold in society changes. What can be done vs what cannot be done changes. Some people like to go with the flow and some change themselves for the sake of their child.

Along the way, one realizes there is no right way. Or wrong for that matter. Each family along with thier child is on a unique path of a parenting journey.

Social media and the excessive knowledge at hand is excessive. Not one post makes you think your child is normal. One is always on the edge wondering ones child is on the path to becoming a socio-path leaving many parents on the verge of constant paranoia and worse still mental break downs. From feeding specialists to behavioural gurus to motor skill specialists, one will find an over load of everyone teaching you how to parent.

Then you look at your child and wonder why they don’t fit any mould. You then stop to think, how would your parents handle this child if they were around. Now you will be accused to continuing the age old cycle. Some toxic, some perhaps not to toxic but no matter what you decide to take forward from what is the only reality you know is deemed wrong. Would it then be enough to ask oneself if you think you turned out alright? If yes, follow your parents, I say. I am no expert I must add.

I had no idea how much I would enjoy being a parent. My joy at your presence in my life was unfathomable. All along so far, I was told ” wait until *insert age here*, you will really struggle” . I have been waiting for those struggles. All I have felt is immense joy and gratitude that you chose us to be your parents.

Your learning and growth curves have been exponential. With each different and progressing stage you have amazed your parents at your resilience and determination. We enjoy your expanding vocabularly and how expertly you weave in newly learned words into your everyday conversation. We marvel at your audacity to exert your independence even though you continue to be fully dependent on th adults around you for survival. You are coming into your own person and we are loving to get to know you better. You are funny, determined, kind and considerate. You can be stubborn and get easily irritated when you don’t get your way. You are loved by your teachers and friends alike. Many parents that engage with you, tell us what a lovely person you are and how grateful they are that you are their child’s friend.

I celebrate your existence and continue to be grateful that you are part of our family. I often worry how will you be placed in the world. What values will you finally get from your parents? How will you contribute to society?

Why didn’t anyone tell us that parenting will be about a lot of joy with always living worried and in fear?

Happy New Year!

Humor me! I wished someone last night and he said the year is already old, so no place for good wishes. Really are we already that jaded already that in the month of January, I cannot wish you a Happy New Year? I don’t think so.. So here is my wish to the universe I hope you have a fantastic 2019.

Raise your hands if you agree with me, 2018 flew by. I hear myself echoing this sentiment every year, but truly 2018 just flew by. The professional and personal turmoils helped start off the year with mayhem, failed fertility attempts added some anxiety to the mix which was all forgotten by the many people who visited us bringing love, shared meals and creating memories. Then work picked up, birthdays and anniversaries cropped up leaving me 10 days to make a quick trip to my motherland.

Somewhere between the United States and India

That had to be the cherry on the cake of 2018. It had been three years since I had gone back home. My relationship with the city I grew up in and the people that I have left behind has been pretty strained to put it mildly. Not because something happened, but because nothing had. If you leave anything alone and not engage or put in the effort, things will go bad. My hope for the trip was to meet people, give lots of hugs, make amends, grieve for the departed, celebrate the joys I have missed out on and of course spend time talking to my mother to my heart’s content.

Those ten days were quite the refresher I needed. I didn’t get to meet everyone I would have liked to, do everything that was on my list, eat everything this girl’s heart desired but I got to get lots of hugs and love. My trip was a wonderful reminder of my roots, of the people that have held my foundations strong so I could fly high, and the wrinkles of life that are slowly spreading over everything and everyone I have left behind. I got to remind myself of the good and acquaint myself of the bad.

I have come back wiser and stronger with the energy and will to take on 2019. How are you doing so far? What is your plan for the new year? It is still new isn’t it?

Acknowledgements Page

My master’s thesis will be done tomorrow. It is the last date of submission, so even though I don’t feel done, I have to be. In a way I am happy about that, as I am so ready to be done with it! One of the pages I have been looking forward to writing in my 50+ page thesis is the acknowledgements page. While this exact version may not make it to the very specified page, I wanted to share my acknowledgements here.

I want to take this opportunity to thank some key players who have been instrumental in me getting my master’s thesis!

1. The asshole co-worker: When I joined my new job last year, one of my co-workers would keep repeating that I was a doctor, a master’s student and a Phd student,  I have a grant to my name and I still managed to get great grades in the the Public Health classes that I was enrolled in. When he said it the first time, I realized I was doing a lot, and that perhaps a work life balance would be a good thing. When he repeated himself about 30 million times, I knew it was coming from spite. He oozes competition and self-entitlement. He helped me seal my determination to show his  entitled self, what it means to be a hard working brown immigrant woman and how much we can do when we set our minds to something. So this thesis is for you buddy!
2. The Program leadership who warned me against “doing too much” Your tone was more of a warning than that of concern. You put me on alert and hence I am glad I decided to prove you wrong. I am submitting my thesis and I know for a fact that I will be granted my degree.
3. My husband: My rock, my anchor, the shoulder I have cried on many times, my support. I truly couldn’t have done this without you.
4. My mom: A doctorate herself kept it very real for me. She was probably the only person who told me like it was. On the days I wanted to give up, she reminded me why I started in the first place.
5. My friends: Some that I see on a daily basis, some I text on a daily basis, some that I don’t see or talk to on a daily basis, but all of them have empowered me, reminded me that I can kick ass when I am not feeling sorry for myself and that I got this even when I didn’t think I did. You don’t even know you kept me going because you were just your awesome selves and I cannot thank you enough for being yourselves and for being in my life!

Few more hours people and I will be done! Boo ya!

Not today..

An unusual text message. Unlikely person to send it. Unlikely time to get it. Something had to be wrong.  It was. I lost a part of my childhood instantaneously. I lost my mind, had my heart broken and my soul shattered. The one person I know I can always turn to, didn’t seem like the one I should turn to. Despair, pain, and loss of my footing is an unknown and uncomfortable place to be. Three weeks out now and I am still grappling with this new reality.

An unknown future lies ahead of me. Some of the uncertainty is my own making. Just like grief, some of us deal with stress with the five stages. I have surpassed denial and anger. Current state lies some where between depression and bargaining. Some days I want to give it all up and then other days, I remind myself I wasn’t born to give up. As in Finding Nemo, one just has to keep swimming.

An unlikely friendship could have been nurtured, but as time passes it seems to be very unlikely. There is very little space for disrespect, flakiness, and entitled behavior. Fully aware that it is hard to create bonds of friendship as an adult, I generally keep a high threshold for poor judgement and behavior. Something I have learned in my years of making and keeping good friends, is that if we believe we deserve good quality people in our life, then we don’t need to settle for poor quality relationships. We just have to keep the faith and continue striving for good.

Not all is lost as I start this year on a rather somber and humbling note.  I celebrated 9 years with my wonderful husband. We have laughed and cried together through this beautiful life journey. Despite its ups and downs I would go on this exact same journey with this man many many times over.  A quote by Ellen DeGeneres  perhaps summarizes my relationship a tad bit better, ” To be loved is wonderful, to be understood is profound”

So how has your new year been so far?

Zero fucks to be given…

Sometimes it isn’t about the person in front of you. It is about yourself. What do you allow yourself to feel and do. Have you asked yourself, did you do everything you wanted to do? Did you say yes when you really wanted to say no?

Going to read this book in 16 weeks. Will report what I think about it after!

Meanwhile watch this Ted Talk

A girl can hope..

I hope people can find true happiness.

I hope people care more, eat less, sleep more, cry less, laugh more, lie less.

I hope people can keep their differences aside, be more respectful.

I hope people would remind themselves we are all people, not man/woman, white/black, native/immigrant.

I hope the boundaries disappear, travel becomes easy.

I hope immigration officers don’t exist.

I hope I continue to live, travel, love, laugh, and believe.

I hope I make this world the kind of place I want to live in.

Happy Hump Day!

The lack of posts is because of the 5 weeks the husband and I took to travel. We decided we had had enough with our current lives. So we needed to reboot. With a bit of rearranging our lives, commitments, vacation times and bank balance we managed to get some time off. We then looked at the map and put our fingers on the farthest and warmest countries we could find.

I had my reservations. Five weeks is a long time. Same room, same food, same routines with complete lack of privacy, me time, my friends that I wasn’t sure how the husband and I would get along. I also didn’t know what the husband was going through. Why did he think this was a good idea? For me, I was mostly in it for the ride. We had our back packs, our carry-ons and off we were. Except for one day when I missed my home, I have to say I didn’t think of New York once. I guess  it is true that home is where the heart is. And my heart was right there with me.

I am still jet lagged. I choose to be. My mantra is to be less stuck up this year. That is a tall order. We don’t even realize how many things just bog us down or we hold on to. So no alarms since we have come back and if the eyes are shut for 11 hours so be it. I know the luxury won’t last too long. Just because I am ready to let go, doesn’t mean the world will also be as relaxed.

This trip has been very good for me personally. I have come back refreshed, happy and determined. I have some personal and professional goals I would like to achieve which include writing more.

What are your goals? How did you ring in the new year? What do you want 2017 to be like for you?