And I have plenty of those. You know who you are. Who am I kidding. I don’t think anyone of you actually reads my blog. Either way, it is a bit alarming to me to find that I am almost nearing 40 and I have so many of my peers who are still single. I am talking about my female friends. They are smart, educated, independent, funny, come from good families, grounded and yet they are single. My husband and I talk about that sometimes. He has often expressed his disbelief that women such as these haven’t yet found a man, who would gladly be their life partners. These are well-traveled, well-spoken, successful women. He tells me that men would be lucky to have these women in their life. I agree with him, but I also think that those are the very reasons, these women find it hard to find men who will want to be with them.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not against men. Heck I am married to one. But is he more special than I give him credit for? I would expect most men to be like him. I expect most men I grew up to be like him. I expect men to be respectful, sincere, compassionate, patient, loving. That isn’t too much to ask for is it? And yet when I see men, marriages and people around me, I see what these single women see. It is pretty disdainful if you ask me. I don’t think men in many societies have learned to create that balance between hierarchy, leadership, team player all at once in a home setting. One cannot be an authoritarian leader at all times to be successful. You have to learn to give some, take some to make things work.
So the big questions is, are men today threatened rather than enamored by the woman of today? Have we set double standards for what is desirable in a man versus a woman?
To my single friends, after being married for almost 9 years, here is what I have to say to you:
- Never ever settle. Nothing is worth that.
- No one is perfect. Neither are you.
- Rather than height, weight, color concentrate on person and personality.
- Character is way more important than paycheck.
- Don’t look for your past lovers in your future.
- Work hard to find your partner. Since this is life long, work even harder than you worked for your college degree, your first job or that promotion. If you aren’t willing to put in that effort, how will you find a life-partner?
- Keep the biological clock in mind. It is a real thing.
- Be nice, be patient and be open to possibilities.
- Good luck!
Filed under A first, Attitude, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Opinion, People, Philosophy, Relationships, Society, Thoughts
Sometimes it isn’t about the person in front of you. It is about yourself. What do you allow yourself to feel and do. Have you asked yourself, did you do everything you wanted to do? Did you say yes when you really wanted to say no?
Going to read this book in 16 weeks. Will report what I think about it after!
Meanwhile watch this Ted Talk
Filed under A first, Abstract, Attitude, Challenges, Communication, Determination, Disappointments, Expectations, Humor, Life, Living my life, People, Personal, Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Truth, Wishes
So apt to find this draft which has only the title on this page. Yesterday was Karva Chauth. A day I think is supposed to be a private event. At least that is how I grew up to believe it was.
My childhood and tradition forming period in time missed the Karan Johar movies, who in my opinion has completely ruined the sanctity and the way we approach our traditions. Too commercialized in my opinion. And really if your mother didn’t do KC, don’t start now just to be invited to a KC party.
First of all, if anyone thinks that even a non-science educated women, believes fasting/ praying to the moon will either improve her relationship with her husband or increase the longevity of her husband’s life, then you are not giving this said woman basic respect. We women at least in today’s age, know that none of it is true; even as we recite the ancient mythical story of Karva and wait in vain for the moon as it never rises on time.
So I asked myself yesterday, why do I do this fast. I am after all a doctor and a scientist. Why when I have been trained in critical thinking and asking sound clinical questions, do I drop everything to fast, cook up a feast and wait for the moon to rise. I don’t even particularly pray when the moon does show up.
Quite honestly I don’t know. Marriage is bloody hard. It is a daily work in progress. My once a year fast does nothing for our marriage. Well may be a little. It boosts the man’s ego, I get fussed about all day by the man who cannot get over the fact that I would fast for him, so he makes promises he wouldn’t otherwise. Quite worth it, if you ask me. 😉
Filed under Attitude, Culture, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Love, Marriage, Men, partner, Personal, Questions., Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Wishes
Do you know any graduate students in the United States of America? Perhaps the right question should be do you know any graduate student in USA enrolled in a premier institution who is pursuing a master’s degree, a PhD degree and who is going back into residency because despite the shouting from the rooftops about her love for research is essentially a doctor at heart.
If not, you have found yourself in the right place. So let me tell you about my Master’s graduation ceremony. It was my first and it was splendid. Like the first times generally are. Husband by my side, friends to cheer me on I had a moment where I wished my parents would be there to savor the moment. But that was it. It was only that moment. My name was called, I walked up to the stairs, I was hooded, congratulated, hugged called a super star, I collected my degree… er…. well that’s where the sham comes in.. more on that later.. took a professional photograph, walked of the stage, met a few of my faculty, got called the best of the lot, had me beaming, my husband beaming, lots of hugs and photographs later, I was home.
Back to my reality, I have a master’s thesis pending, a Phd proposal pending, a Phd qualifier in less than 6 weeks, a trip to Europe for 10 days (very excited but at such a bad time), and then the start to residency on July 1st. So what exactly did my degree say- It said it was an I-Owe-You! It was for all of us as our degrees will be mailed out at a later date. Mine is contingent to my thesis submission. I am no where close to being done. It will get done, I am confident. Just not yet.
In my mind, I am gunning for the PhD. That day I will ensure my mother will be there for my big day. I will let some of my closest friends know too. Perhaps that day I could truly walk tall and proud and finally feel accomplished.
Filed under A first, Attitude, Celebration, Determination, Friends, Goal, Life, Living my life, Milestones, Motivation, People, Personal, Resolutions, Update, Wishes
When I got married to my husband I knew I was in for a different experience. I wasn’t expecting good, bad, better or worse just different. I strongly believe that people all over the world are the same despite race, culture, language and geographical differences. My faith led me to believe I would be fine in my adopted family in spite of different traditions, food, culture and people.
I knew we were different people due to differences in our upbringing, the cities we were raised in, experiences we had amassed along our individual journeys. Six years after we got married decided to experience the life my mother in law had adopted. A life in a village in the southern region of the state called Odisha, formerly known as Orissa.
It’s been an enriching experience. Orissa happens to be a farmer friendly well organized state with little corruption at the grass root level. That translates into flourishing farm lands, rich farmers with assets beyond our city folk imagination. Life is pure manual labor from the minute you wake up, which is generally very early to the minute you sleep. This is interspersed with village gossip and politics. Something we city folk would miserably fail at as we have no talent in those departments.
On the face of it, everyone is nice, caring, hardworking, independent and proficient in the art of family drama. No one would miss a beat to participate in village gossip, politics, land deals and pettiness. But such is life in a small place, where people don’t lock their doors and food could be served from any kitchen. There is a certain openness in this place, where love and affection is abundant. However when it comes to land and money, things can change any moment. Family feuds can start at any time, sisters can disown brothers, marriage arrangements can be broken all over a land deal gone bad.
In such a volatile environment, I find myself a stranger and yet well accepted. I know I walk a very thin line, between being likable to becoming a threat. Nothing is subtle here and it amazes me that a lot of city folk think, the villagers are simple people. The ironies are interesting and I look forward to many more experiences.
Filed under A first, Always one step behind, Challenges, Confusion, Culture, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Humor, Life, Love, Marriage, People, Relationships, Society
Has anyone watched Scandal? It is currently being aired on ABC. I caught three seasons over the last weekend and while I got completely sucked into watching it non-stop I am left rather intrigued by the message this television drama wants to send out.
Indulge in me a few seconds if you will. 🙂
From what I understood this is a political thriller, its unique selling point being the first African American female protagonist on prime time television since the 1970’s. That is a bid deal in itself and warranted a watch. She is considered a fixer. She fixes problems. What she really fixes are images of high profile, politicians who have plenty of dirty laundry and skeletons in their closet. The politics behind it all is very exciting. In the beginning at least.
After three seasons, I am convinced the producers or ABC got the genre wrong. It is more of a love story between POTUS and his campaign manager. She is referred to as his mistress in the tele series. There is a lot of sex. As much as prime time TV can allow. The protagonist is seen having sex with POTUS and at least one other person in any given season. While the president too has sexual relations with women other than his wife, he too has more than one woman in any given season. It doesn’t end there. Practically every character has an extremely flourishing sex life and it very explicitly shown.
The protagonist herself comes across, as very fashionable, confident well connected at the outset. However she has a very forced upon smile and terrible expressions. Every time she says hi to her lover, it feels like she is constipated or in extreme pain. Almost every scene with the POTUS in it, has her yelling at him, either before sex or after. She can be petulant, entitled and when she cannot come up with any logical explanation of why she is meddling with top secret government agencies or cleaning up murder scenes, she will yell some more, saying “I said so, Because I want it, Just do it”! If only we got everything we wanted in life we wanted by just yelling. I guess you lose basic manners when you are the product of a most wanted terrorist and the command of the leading spy agency of the country. How does that happen is a mystery in itself.
I won’t even get into how flawed every character portrayal is. That will be another 27 posts.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional reviewer, neither am I planning on changing my profession anytime soon.