And I have plenty of those. You know who you are. Who am I kidding. I don’t think anyone of you actually reads my blog. Either way, it is a bit alarming to me to find that I am almost nearing 40 and I have so many of my peers who are still single. I am talking about my female friends. They are smart, educated, independent, funny, come from good families, grounded and yet they are single. My husband and I talk about that sometimes. He has often expressed his disbelief that women such as these haven’t yet found a man, who would gladly be their life partners. These are well-traveled, well-spoken, successful women. He tells me that men would be lucky to have these women in their life. I agree with him, but I also think that those are the very reasons, these women find it hard to find men who will want to be with them.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not against men. Heck I am married to one. But is he more special than I give him credit for? I would expect most men to be like him. I expect most men I grew up to be like him. I expect men to be respectful, sincere, compassionate, patient, loving. That isn’t too much to ask for is it? And yet when I see men, marriages and people around me, I see what these single women see. It is pretty disdainful if you ask me. I don’t think men in many societies have learned to create that balance between hierarchy, leadership, team player all at once in a home setting. One cannot be an authoritarian leader at all times to be successful. You have to learn to give some, take some to make things work.
So the big questions is, are men today threatened rather than enamored by the woman of today? Have we set double standards for what is desirable in a man versus a woman?
To my single friends, after being married for almost 9 years, here is what I have to say to you:
- Never ever settle. Nothing is worth that.
- No one is perfect. Neither are you.
- Rather than height, weight, color concentrate on person and personality.
- Character is way more important than paycheck.
- Don’t look for your past lovers in your future.
- Work hard to find your partner. Since this is life long, work even harder than you worked for your college degree, your first job or that promotion. If you aren’t willing to put in that effort, how will you find a life-partner?
- Keep the biological clock in mind. It is a real thing.
- Be nice, be patient and be open to possibilities.
- Good luck!
Filed under A first, Attitude, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Opinion, People, Philosophy, Relationships, Society, Thoughts
Every action elicits a reaction. With humans it is generally a very emotional response. Happy/sad/excited/angry etc, depends on our understanding of the intention of the action. If we changed our understanding of the belief, we will change our reaction.
If Dr. Mama Bear thinks her not so daunting stature and even less threatening voice is going to send me to the deep dark hell of self doubt, she has no idea who she is dealing with.
Happy Wednesday y’all!
Filed under Attitude, Career, Challenges, Communication, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Living my life, Milestones, Motivation, Opinion, People, Personal, Resolutions, Society
Many a times when my soul is tortured I turn to Ted Talks. A few inspiring episodes later I am ready to take on the world again. Life circumstances have changed in our household. They aren’t life altering or soul shattering changes, just very small changes. I am learning that even the smallest changes which don’t necessarily change the big picture, also need a learning curve and an adjustment.
That learning curve and adjustment has been taking its toll on me. While I am working on fine tuning my emotional intelligence on current issues in my life I find myself struggling more and more with my stance in life. I am not blind with passion on any one thing. Perhaps my love for the people in my life follows some form of blindness, but nothing else. I have my beliefs I stand by, while I can completely understand yours. I may not accept them, but I know to respect them.
I blame my bringing up for it. My parents raised me to be accepting and non-judgmental. In today’s very polarized world I struggle because of my ability to stay neutral. I feel forced to take side, but I don’t want to lose my essence. I grew up to learn to respect, be tolerant and be accepting of what is different from me.
So while my soul was still tortured, I was looking for something on YouTube from Ted talks to soothe me. I came across this talk from Ash Beckham. I cried at the end of the talk. I will try and explain why. While I am not gay, or have secrets in my closet, I still struggle like all of us do. For once I felt my duality in thought and opinion was okay. It doesn’t have to be Ash or Jesus. I can be me and I don’t need to apologize for it.
Filed under Attitude, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Culture, Expectations, Experiences, Goal, Life, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts
I hope people can find true happiness.
I hope people care more, eat less, sleep more, cry less, laugh more, lie less.
I hope people can keep their differences aside, be more respectful.
I hope people would remind themselves we are all people, not man/woman, white/black, native/immigrant.
I hope the boundaries disappear, travel becomes easy.
I hope immigration officers don’t exist.
I hope I continue to live, travel, love, laugh, and believe.
I hope I make this world the kind of place I want to live in.
Filed under Attitude, Bonding, Communication, Culture, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Faith, Friends, Inspiration, Life, Living my life, Motivation, musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Plans, Priorities, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Travel
Of course I thought of it. I am sure you did too. We just didn’t say anything then. Some of us didn’t say it because of the fear of the consequences of the alternative, so we prayed instead. Some didn’t say it, because acknowledging it would be so uncool. Fact remains one of the largest democracies wasn’t ready for a woman president.
World over women are fighting for equality. Many a times, I cannot tell the actual fight from all the noise. At the outset unless men start to shed their uterus monthly and can bear children like women do, there are inherent differences between men and women. Some of the fight for equality I understand. I too want a voice, a vote, a choice. It is the women that make the waters murky that I don’t.
There is a wave of anti-women’s day by women. I have read blog posts, news articles and messages, Facebook updates that claim they don’t need the women’s day. All women need is equality. I get it. I don’t believe in marches either. I believe, if our actions don’t bring about a real change then the actions were futile. Perhaps how women perceive these women’s days. However for change to take place, someone needs to raise their voice, once the voice is raised, an action can be taken and when years of actions have been taken, a day is chosen to celebrate that change.
And on this day, I want to take the opportunity to talk to women that confuse empowerment with lack of basic human dignity. There is power in kindness, compassion and generosity. There is something to be said about being dignified and well mannered. Women who think breaking away from tradition or culture and societal norms is empowering, I would hope you don’t think, becoming like the men we fight against is asking for equality.
For anyone that is worried, this is the storm before the calm. We don’t have control over a lot of things in our life. But the drama has to play out. And that is all that it is. Humans are resilient people. We have faced many atrocities and we have always come out better and stronger. So fear not! We will be okay.
We need to do the best we can. For most part we don’t even do the best we can do for ourselves. So let’s start there. Pay attention to yourself, your health, family, work and things you do for fun. Once you have done that, think about the world you live in. This earth is important. So help it out. Waste less, recycle more. We will be okay.
Take a deep breath. It isn’t over, even if it may feel like that. I tell you again, as I tell myself: We will be okay.
Filed under A first, Advice, Challenges, Determination, Doubts, Environment, Faith, Fears, Issues, Life, Opinion, Society, Thoughts
- I am an Indian (Brown) immigrant in the United States. I have been here for 3 election cycles but I do not have the right to vote yet.
- I have friends both democrat and republican and we have been friends for over 12 years now.
- I have the benefit of not choosing sides, and I have the ability to look at things from an “outsider’s” point of view.
- I have hope for my adopted country.
Well after that disclaimer, I feel we need to talk to one another now more than ever. There was a CNN news piece that people weren’t going to be with their families over thanksgiving this year. That was just disheartening. Doesn’t matter what our political allegiance may be, I don’t think families should be affected by it.
Having said that, I feel we are very deeply affected. When a friend of mine who is a nurse at a hospital I used to intern at, was fervently supportive of Donald Trump, it made me question a few things.
- Did she not really like me as I did take up a position that could have gone to an American white doctor.
- Does she think I should go back to India?
- Does she not care about what the leader of this nation believes in, whether or not he respects women, people of color, considers climate change to be real and really truly cares about the working class.
- Her support of Donald Trump made me wonder what she truly felt about me.
- It made me question the future of our friendship.
I have time and again played back the years of knowing her. She was the only one I confided in about my deepest fears and darkest thoughts. I knew she would get me. At that time she did. I have been deeply troubled about the foundation of our friendship.
I knew I had to stop letting her posts on Facebook stop affecting me. I know heart of hearts, she is the same person she was when we became friends. She and I have grown up together as people and we have had each other’s back when no one else knew that we were crumbling. No politics can take that away from us.
So I decided I am not going to let petty politics change my love for her, my attitude towards her, and if need be I will stop following her on Facebook. What about the rest of the Facebook posts. People justifying their choice of Trump and being okay with “losing friends” over Facebook. What about those that fear or feel angry at people who did chose Trump claiming that they will delete those different from them.
I see a cry for acceptance, fear, desperation. I see the need to talk more, engage more, think more and act more. I already see people getting more involved with their community. I see people voicing themselves a little stronger/louder. I feel a little can go a long way and even though some of us think we are doomed, I see hope. A little adversity always brings out the best in people. Also, Facebook is not a measure of our relationships, people.
With that out in the open, I wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving weekend and a very happy holiday season.
Filed under Advice, Celebration, Communication, Confusion, Conversations, Decisions, Doubts, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Facts, Faith, Fear, focus, Friends, Friendship, Healing, Hope, Issues, Life, Opinion, People, Priorities, Questions., Rants, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts