Another one bites the dust. Is this the new go to? Is that the only way out of our troubles?
Life is tough; has been for a while. Some days I wonder if that was my answer?
I look around to remind myself, get past just one more day. Today is just not that day…
Filed under A first, Abstract, Attitude, Bonding, Career, Decisions, Determination, Disappointments, Doubts, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Faith, Fear, Issues, Life, Living my life, Pain, Personal, Priorities, Resolutions, Short, Society, Thoughts, Truth
My master’s thesis will be done tomorrow. It is the last date of submission, so even though I don’t feel done, I have to be. In a way I am happy about that, as I am so ready to be done with it! One of the pages I have been looking forward to writing in my 50+ page thesis is the acknowledgements page. While this exact version may not make it to the very specified page, I wanted to share my acknowledgements here.
I want to take this opportunity to thank some key players who have been instrumental in me getting my master’s thesis!
- The asshole co-worker: When I joined my new job last year, one of my co-workers would keep repeating that I was a doctor, a master’s student and a Phd student, I have a grant to my name and I still managed to get great grades in the the Public Health classes that I was enrolled in. When he said it the first time, I realized I was doing a lot, and that perhaps a work life balance would be a good thing. When he repeated himself about 30 million times, I knew it was coming from spite. He oozes competition and self-entitlement. He helped me seal my determination to show his entitled self, what it means to be a hard working brown immigrant woman and how much we can do when we set our minds to something. So this thesis is for you buddy!
- The Program leadership who warned me against “doing too much” Your tone was more of a warning than that of concern. You put me on alert and hence I am glad I decided to prove you wrong. I am submitting my thesis and I know for a fact that I will be granted my degree.
- My husband: My rock, my anchor, the shoulder I have cried on many times, my support. I truly couldn’t have done this without you.
- My mom: A doctorate herself kept it very real for me. She was probably the only person who told me like it was. On the days I wanted to give up, she reminded me why I started in the first place.
- My friends: Some that I see on a daily basis, some I text on a daily basis, some that I don’t see or talk to on a daily basis, but all of them have empowered me, reminded me that I can kick ass when I am not feeling sorry for myself and that I got this even when I didn’t think I did. You don’t even know you kept me going because you were just your awesome selves and I cannot thank you enough for being yourselves and for being in my life!
Few more hours people and I will be done! Boo ya!
Filed under A first, Always one step behind, Celebration, Determination, Dreams, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Faith, Goal, Inspiration, Life, Love, Motivation, People, Personal, Rants, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Truth, Update
This post will probably resonate with someone who has been in a relationship for a long time and perhaps time isn’t the most essential factor. Being in a relationship for real is the only real qualification you need to understand where I come from.
If anyone thinks that love is enough to sustain a relationship, how wrong would they be? Sometimes I wonder if the concept of love is over rated. What really is love, someone please do tell me.
When I met my husband years ago we would often discuss the what if’s in our lives. We liked planning for our future. Even then we were aware that the worst life has to offer can happen to the best of people. We saw people around us breaking up their relationships for the darndest of reasons. We often would ask each other what would be our limit.
All rosey eyed and in love I didn’t have answers when I first met my husband. But over time I knew for me, lack of respect in a relationship would be the end of that relationship.
Then again what does respect mean? To me it means a smile, a hug, a warm squeeze of the arm on a tough day, doing small things over the apartment when you know the partner cannot do it due to time constraints, bringing over food, sending silly smileys over the phone just to bring a smile on your face. Sometimes it could mean being in your corner when the family seems against you, or going for Tibetan momos 4 weeks in a row because your partner has crazy cravings for them.
You may say that is love. Yes part of it is. Rest of it goes way beyond love! What do you think?
Filed under A first, Camaraderie, Challenges, Culture, Emotions, Life, Love, Personal, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Truth
New York city, a place you get to call home with the sky scrappers and Wall Street, the theater scene along with the food scene. The best universities and hospitals to boast of. It seems like a great place to be. And yet, this is the city where the maternal mortality rates are higher than any other developed country in the world, vaccination rates are low, disparities in income exist out of proportion and at the end of every street corner one finds the evidence of extreme poverty. Which reality should we chose to look at today?
Three continents, 3 medical licences, 2 residencies, one fellowship, three graduate level degrees. What do you say, is that enough? And is it? The heart desires so much more. Some times the heart does not know where to stop. When does enough truly become enough?
One natural pregnancy, 5 failed intrauterine insemination, one intrauterine insemination that led to a pregnancy, two second trimester miscarriages, 4 failed in-vitro fertilization attempts. Do you see the writing on the wall or do you see your eventual goal just one step closer?
Children are dying due to preventable shootings. Is it worth the struggles we have been through to have a baby in this country, if I will constantly live in the fear that their school is no longer the safest place they could be in?
I like my home. I know it is not perfect and there is so much to do. There are problems which I will own. Only when I do that can I make a difference. Where do I stop? Who truly needs to change is it? Is it them or is it me?
Every time my body says enough is enough, my heart whispers, just one more time. Every time my friends and family tell me to give up, my resolves strengthens. It may turn out to be an unfulfilled wish, but at least I know I would have given it my best!
I worry about having children in this country, in this dying world for that matter. But when you see children doing what adults should have done, I see hope. I see hope for a brighter future. I see hope for a future with my children.
How do you chose to look at life? What is your perspective?
Filed under Determination, Disappointments, Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Faith, Hope, Life, Motivation, Pain, Personal, Philosophy, Pregnancy, Priorities, Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Success, Thoughts, Truth, Update
Being born in a very modest salaried family I was raised in a one bedroom apartment. Love, respect, freedom, consideration, compassion and tolerance are some of the values I learned there. I may not have had much else, but love and respect were abound.
My father was the sole earner for the longest time. He would leave a set amount of cash in a common place where my mother knew she could pick up money for herself; as and when she needed it. No questions asked.
As a young child, I always considered it an endearing arrangement between my parents. I revered my father for the respect and freedom he ensured my mother received. My mother never felt the deprivation, control, lack of self respect that comes with lack of an income. Her economic empowerment at at time that she made no money, was inspiring.
When I got married, I wanted a set amount of money to be put aside for me naturally. I used to call it “pocket money”. Times had changed, credit cards were the way to go, my then new husband said to me. He abhorred the idea of pocket money, but instead gave me 3 credit cards to use. Of course I was taken aback. I didn’t want to feel like I had to explain the money I would like to spend on me.
I could spend whatever money I wanted to, he would often reassure me. Instead I felt like I was being controlled. I couldn’t wait to get my “own money” to feel the same love and freedom my mother enjoyed so many years ago.
My “own money” didn’t come for the longest time. Graduate school and medical residency lends itself to school loans and large credit card bills, not an income. So where does that leave me. Still no pocket money, instead 3 credit cards to my name and a not so new husband taking care of me and all of my expenses.
Only recently was I listening to a documentary on the plight of women in some societies. Rich husbands who would provide an “allowance” to their wives. In a society which does not invest in its women to educate them which could then translate to empowerment seems unreal. But it isn’t. As I was listening to this documentary with my blood boiling to all degrees of fury, I was reminded of my own equation with my husband.
He never once bought into the whole “pocket money”/ “allowance” business despite my several protests. And though there was a lack of that second paycheck he always treated me as an equal. It has only taken me 9 years of being married to finally appreciate this level of respect and love. It is true, they don’t make ’em like that any more. 🙂
Filed under Always one step behind, Attitude, Experiences, Hope, Life, Marriage, Men, musings, partner, People, Personal, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Truth
Sometimes it isn’t about the person in front of you. It is about yourself. What do you allow yourself to feel and do. Have you asked yourself, did you do everything you wanted to do? Did you say yes when you really wanted to say no?
Going to read this book in 16 weeks. Will report what I think about it after!
Meanwhile watch this Ted Talk
Filed under A first, Abstract, Attitude, Challenges, Communication, Determination, Disappointments, Expectations, Humor, Life, Living my life, People, Personal, Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Truth, Wishes
When the boy said he wanted to marry me, I told him I had my career on my mind. He then spoke to my father and asked his permission to marry me, with a vow to fulfill all my dreams.,be it career, travel, family, food, all with love, compassion, care and respect.
And he has kept his promise beyond my wildest expectations. He has done so every single day. Despite our fights, silences, disagreements, frustrations, setbacks, intermingled with long sighs, doubts and disappointments, the boy has been rock solid. He has been my friend, husband, confidant, and the best travel buddy I could have asked for.
He is the person I try all my new recipes on, the confidant who listens to my daily woes. He is the friend I want to be held by when I’m having a bad day, the voice I want to hear when I need to know that I will survive. He is that man whose smile brightens up my day, whose gentle strokes on my back soothe my very worst days. He is the husband who showed me how to love my family more, be more patient, be more giving. He is the guy who makes me a better person.
The day I married you, was the best and most fun day in my life. That day was magical but I had no idea that I was embarking on the best journey of my life. For all the laughs, tears, hugs, phone conversations, kisses, long walks on the beach, comfortable silences, star gazing nights, new year’s eve filled with fireworks and more, I want to be your bride all over again.
*No it’s not our anniversary or his birthday. 🙂
Filed under Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Friendship, Life, Love, Marriage, Men, musings, partner, People, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts, Travel, Truth, Wishes