Being born in a very modest salaried family I was raised in a one bedroom apartment. Love, respect, freedom, consideration, compassion and tolerance are some of the values I learned there. I may not have had much else, but love and respect were abound.
My father was the sole earner for the longest time. He would leave a set amount of cash in a common place where my mother knew she could pick up money for herself; as and when she needed it. No questions asked.
As a young child, I always considered it an endearing arrangement between my parents. I revered my father for the respect and freedom he ensured my mother received. My mother never felt the deprivation, control, lack of self respect that comes with lack of an income. Her economic empowerment at at time that she made no money, was inspiring.
When I got married, I wanted a set amount of money to be put aside for me naturally. I used to call it “pocket money”. Times had changed, credit cards were the way to go, my then new husband said to me. He abhorred the idea of pocket money, but instead gave me 3 credit cards to use. Of course I was taken aback. I didn’t want to feel like I had to explain the money I would like to spend on me.
I could spend whatever money I wanted to, he would often reassure me. Instead I felt like I was being controlled. I couldn’t wait to get my “own money” to feel the same love and freedom my mother enjoyed so many years ago.
My “own money” didn’t come for the longest time. Graduate school and medical residency lends itself to school loans and large credit card bills, not an income. So where does that leave me. Still no pocket money, instead 3 credit cards to my name and a not so new husband taking care of me and all of my expenses.
Only recently was I listening to a documentary on the plight of women in some societies. Rich husbands who would provide an “allowance” to their wives. In a society which does not invest in its women to educate them which could then translate to empowerment seems unreal. But it isn’t. As I was listening to this documentary with my blood boiling to all degrees of fury, I was reminded of my own equation with my husband.
He never once bought into the whole “pocket money”/ “allowance” business despite my several protests. And though there was a lack of that second paycheck he always treated me as an equal. It has only taken me 9 years of being married to finally appreciate this level of respect and love. It is true, they don’t make ’em like that any more. 🙂
Filed under Always one step behind, Attitude, Experiences, Hope, Life, Marriage, Men, musings, partner, People, Personal, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Truth
Sometimes it isn’t about the person in front of you. It is about yourself. What do you allow yourself to feel and do. Have you asked yourself, did you do everything you wanted to do? Did you say yes when you really wanted to say no?
Going to read this book in 16 weeks. Will report what I think about it after!
Meanwhile watch this Ted Talk
Filed under A first, Abstract, Attitude, Challenges, Communication, Determination, Disappointments, Expectations, Humor, Life, Living my life, People, Personal, Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Truth, Wishes
When the boy said he wanted to marry me, I told him I had my career on my mind. He then spoke to my father and asked his permission to marry me, with a vow to fulfill all my dreams.,be it career, travel, family, food, all with love, compassion, care and respect.
And he has kept his promise beyond my wildest expectations. He has done so every single day. Despite our fights, silences, disagreements, frustrations, setbacks, intermingled with long sighs, doubts and disappointments, the boy has been rock solid. He has been my friend, husband, confidant, and the best travel buddy I could have asked for.
He is the person I try all my new recipes on, the confidant who listens to my daily woes. He is the friend I want to be held by when I’m having a bad day, the voice I want to hear when I need to know that I will survive. He is that man whose smile brightens up my day, whose gentle strokes on my back soothe my very worst days. He is the husband who showed me how to love my family more, be more patient, be more giving. He is the guy who makes me a better person.
The day I married you, was the best and most fun day in my life. That day was magical but I had no idea that I was embarking on the best journey of my life. For all the laughs, tears, hugs, phone conversations, kisses, long walks on the beach, comfortable silences, star gazing nights, new year’s eve filled with fireworks and more, I want to be your bride all over again.
*No it’s not our anniversary or his birthday. 🙂
Filed under Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Friendship, Life, Love, Marriage, Men, musings, partner, People, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts, Travel, Truth, Wishes
When you stop being yourself and start playing mind games, then I know it’s time to really let you go.
Filed under Attitude, Decisions, Doubts, Faith, Fear, Friends, Friendship, Life, Love, Love hurts, musings, Pain, People, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts, Truth
I’ve stopped hiding. I’m facing my reality. It’s harsh. Lying was so much easier. But I have to snap out of it. It’s hard but I’m not backing down. I can do this. I know I can.
Filed under Abstract, Friends, Friendship, Life, Love, Love hurts, Pain, People, Personal, Relationships, Thoughts, Truth