Category Archives: Determination

Zero fucks to be given…

Art of not giving a fuck

Sometimes it isn’t about the person in front of you. It is about yourself. What do you allow yourself to feel and do. Have you asked yourself, did you do everything you wanted to do? Did you say yes when you really wanted to say no?

Going to read this book in 16 weeks. Will report what I think about it after!

Meanwhile watch this Ted Talk

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under A first, Abstract, Attitude, Challenges, Communication, Determination, Disappointments, Expectations, Humor, Life, Living my life, People, Personal, Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Truth, Wishes

I am going to give this one last good fight!

Thank you to all of you who have wept with me and for me. Those of you who emailed, messaged, and sent lovely notes full of love and prayer and warmth and concern. Even those of you that stayed silent, know that I understand. Some things are just hard to make any conversation about. I have been in that spot. I just didn’t know what to say, so I said a silent prayer, hoping things would get better for the person struggling.

The good thing with struggle is that I find them very character building. I had to truly work on myself and not go down the rabbit hole of asking myself or god, why me? I taught myself to say, so that happened, as does life to everyone, where to next?

I have taken my time. I have changed homes, I have traveled to 11 countries in the interim, I have worked on my relationship with my mother, I have embraced yoga, healthy eating and regular walks. I haven’t yet reached the stage of meditation or veganism, but I feel I am pretty close to being awesome ( my own measure). I definitely feel ready to give the possibility of a family with a child in it a good fight.

Join me, as I tell you more about this journey, struggle and what hormones can do to a relatively normal person!

2 Comments

Filed under A first, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Dreams, Expectations, Experiences, Fear, focus, Goal, Healing, Health, Life, Living my life, Marriage, musings, People, Personal, Plans, Pregnancy, Resolutions, Success, Thoughts, Wishes

I am taking my fall back!

It is bloody hard!

Fall has been one of my favorite seasons for the longest time. As the winds get a bit cooler, the leaves change color, and pumpkins spring up everywhere I have always felt the promise of friends, fun, celebrations, food, wine and cake. So many birthdays in fall, would make me so happy.

This year has been different.

As the winds get a bit cooler, the leaves change color, and pumpkins spring up every where I am reminded of the loss I have experienced in my favorite time of the year. It is bloody hard to get excited about life.

Perhaps life wanted to sober me up. Even though I have the ability to get fully excited about fall, I am  reminded that many  people around me are dealing with terrible life experiences. As you know life happens to everyone.

So while I stand in solidarity with everyone who is also experiencing my struggle, I have decided I stand up tall and enjoy Fall!

 

3 Comments

Filed under Abstract, Attitude, Bonding, Camaraderie, Celebration, Challenges, Communication, Condolences, Decisions, Determination, Emotions, Experiences, Goal, Hope, Life, Loss, Motivation, Pain, Personal, Priorities, Relationships, Thoughts, Wishes

The Sham Graduation

Do you know any graduate students in the United States of America? Perhaps the right question should be do you know any graduate student in USA enrolled in a premier institution who is pursuing a master’s degree, a PhD degree and who is going back into residency because despite the shouting from the rooftops about her love for research is essentially a doctor at heart.

If not, you have found yourself in the right place. So let me tell you about my Master’s graduation ceremony. It was my first and it was splendid. Like the first times generally are. Husband by my side, friends to cheer me on I had a moment where I wished my parents would be there to savor the moment. But that was it. It was only that moment. My name was called, I walked up to the stairs, I was hooded, congratulated, hugged called a super star, I collected my degree… er…. well that’s where the sham comes in.. more on that later.. took a professional photograph, walked of the stage, met a few of my faculty, got called the best of the lot, had me beaming, my husband beaming, lots of hugs and photographs later, I was home.

Back to my reality, I have a master’s thesis pending, a Phd proposal pending, a Phd qualifier in less than 6 weeks, a trip to Europe for 10 days (very excited but at such a bad time), and then the start to residency on July 1st. So what exactly did my degree say- It said it was an I-Owe-You! It was for all of us as our degrees will be mailed out at a later date. Mine is contingent to my thesis submission. I am no where close to being done. It will get done, I am confident. Just not yet.

In my mind, I am gunning for the PhD. That day I will ensure my mother will be there for my big day. I will let some of my closest friends know too. Perhaps that day I could truly walk tall and proud and finally feel accomplished.

Leave a comment

Filed under A first, Attitude, Celebration, Determination, Friends, Goal, Life, Living my life, Milestones, Motivation, People, Personal, Resolutions, Update, Wishes

How unlucky can I get?

I have never had any luck. I have come to believe no one really does. Success comes from working towards what you want. Some times despite our best efforts things still don’t go our way. My philosophy has changed from, I always have a plan B to thank god the English alphabets go on until “Z”.

I have resigned to the lack of luck so much that I would never buy a lottery ticket, never gamble, never buy raffle tickets, never do anything in which “luck” has to play a part. It got so bad that last year at a deli when the cashier said me,”Hey want to scratch this card for a free coffee?”. I immediately said, “no, luck is never on my side”. “Try it” he said, “it wont cost you”. So I did and didn’t earn a free coffee. I shrugged my shoulders and started to pay for the coffee. The cashier must have felt really bad for me so he offered the coffee on the house.

Pity is even worse than lack of luck in my books, but to let him feel better about his generosity I graciously accepted the free coffee.

For the past few weeks I have been thinking about that interaction. I have been wondering if I have been thwarting my own lady luck’s throat. Perhaps she is around all the time and I just don’t see it. I did end up getting that coffee at no cost.

So in the spirit of letting go, I will try to change my attitude towards life and be more open to the goodness that is begging to come my way. What do you think?

 

2 Comments

Filed under A first, Abstract, Attitude, Challenges, Determination, Expectations, Experiences, Life, People, Personal, Philosophy, Society

We will be okay!

For anyone that is worried, this is the storm before the calm. We don’t have control over a lot of things in our life. But the drama has to play out. And that is all that it is. Humans are resilient people. We have faced many atrocities and we have always come out better and stronger. So fear not! We will be okay.

We need to do the best we can. For most part we don’t even do the best we can do for ourselves. So let’s start there. Pay attention to yourself, your health, family, work and things you do for fun. Once you have done that, think about the world you live in. This earth is important. So help it out. Waste less, recycle more. We will be okay.

Take a deep breath. It isn’t over, even if it may feel like that. I tell you again, as I tell myself: We will be okay.

Leave a comment

Filed under A first, Advice, Challenges, Determination, Doubts, Environment, Faith, Fears, Issues, Life, Opinion, Society, Thoughts

Happy Hump Day!

The lack of posts is because of the 5 weeks the husband and I took to travel. We decided we had had enough with our current lives. So we needed to reboot. With a bit of rearranging our lives, commitments, vacation times and bank balance we managed to get some time off. We then looked at the map and put our fingers on the farthest and warmest countries we could find.

I had my reservations. Five weeks is a long time. Same room, same food, same routines with complete lack of privacy, me time, my friends that I wasn’t sure how the husband and I would get along. I also didn’t know what the husband was going through. Why did he think this was a good idea? For me, I was mostly in it for the ride. We had our back packs, our carry-ons and off we were. Except for one day when I missed my home, I have to say I didn’t think of New York once. I guess  it is true that home is where the heart is. And my heart was right there with me.

I am still jet lagged. I choose to be. My mantra is to be less stuck up this year. That is a tall order. We don’t even realize how many things just bog us down or we hold on to. So no alarms since we have come back and if the eyes are shut for 11 hours so be it. I know the luxury won’t last too long. Just because I am ready to let go, doesn’t mean the world will also be as relaxed.

This trip has been very good for me personally. I have come back refreshed, happy and determined. I have some personal and professional goals I would like to achieve which include writing more.

What are your goals? How did you ring in the new year? What do you want 2017 to be like for you?

Leave a comment

Filed under Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Experiences, Friends, Hope, Life, Living my life, Marriage, Milestones, Motivation, New York, partner, Personal