So long 2014!

I have another 8 days of vacation left. I’m really looking forward to it. I have so much to share and so much to talk about! I hope I will get to it in time. The next few days I will remain incommunicado due to lack of means and a small lack of will. I want to let the mind free for a bit.

I don’t plan to be gone too long, but it might take me while to get back. Thank you for all the follows. Thank you for comments and emails and support and kindness.

Hope to keep the conversation going. See you in 2015 if not sooner.

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Auditing our life.

Another 6 to 7 hours and I am going to see my you after 19 days. We have been together now for more than 7 years, married for 6 years in 2 days. We have changed 5 jobs between us, have 4 academic degrees combined. We have moved 2 apartments together, innumerable on our own. We have grieved the loss of 4 of our closest family in our time together. We have had a million fights. I believe when a couple can complete each other’s sentences then it is time to make a change. Not only is variety the spice of life, mystery is good for the soul. No? Yes?

So today I am auditing this relationship. We have lived so many lives together in such a short time. For all the remaining, I hope you will continue to be the one.

Happy Anniversary my love!

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Thought-pourri

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Ready, Set, Done!.”

I am very excited about taking up this challenge. I think it is one that I can keep. I have unfortunately not started the Daytona Walking challenge. I really wanted to. While I may not call it the same, I will definitely do it once I am back from vacation. That will happen in another three weeks. But 99 days of walking. I know I can do it. I want to. I also miss swimming a lot. People had told me that I will get addicted to it. I didn’t think so at that time. I miss the water. I miss the weightlessness. I miss the time I didn’t have to think about anything. That one hour that I spent in the pool was such a wonderful mindless time. I liked it, to keep my head straight. To keep my sanity. I never know when stress is hitting me. It manifests in all odd ways. I realize now that I would generally end up picking up a fight. Now that I am more at peace with myself, I notice the change in my reactions to people, places, things. I am happy about this change. I am happy that I have found peace within myself. I know I have done and said crazy things the past few months. I am glad I have found this opportunity to reset. I don’t know if I will find opportunities to rectify the craziness. Perhaps we can all decide to move on from there. Whatever the case, I am rejuvenated. I feel like home has healed my soul. I feel like I am reminded why I got to the place I did. Why I made the choices I did. What is really important in life. It reminded me where I want to be. The past few days, have been a great reset point. I constantly worry about gaining weight and undoing what I have done so far. Perhaps I should stop being that crazy weight lady.  I should perhaps remind myself, that a stress free mind is a healthy mind. Why did I become so obsessed? Why was I going crazy? Why didn’t I accept I missed my dad and that this place would not be the same without him. Why did I avoid coming home for over 3 years. Why did I forget I have a mom that depends on me? Why did I forget the promises I silently made to my dad. Today I feel I have some of those answers. And even if some questions remain unanswered, I am glad that I gave myself this time to ask those questions.

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December 12, 2014 · 1:09 am

Blogging!

It is personal to most of us. Only some of us have thought about making money out of this hobby. It has crossed my mind, but like many fellow bloggers I don’t want to make this space commercial. I want this space to remain mine, just as I like it. This is my outlet, only dictated by my mind and the fingers that type furiously across the key board. It isn’t dictated by traffic, or comments or sponsors. This space, let’s me speak my mind just as is.

There is a distinct possibility that my actions are dictated by sheer laziness. I don’t have it in me to make that effort. I have been blogging for 8 years and not much to show for it. Not much traffic, barely any comments and no publicity whatsoever. Even when people reach out to me via email, I prefer the conversations continue over the blog. I find the camaraderie that I can extend via this medium surpasses what I can do in the non-blog world. That world is full with no space for more. But here, I am still building those bonds.This space is open and willing.

Bloggers want to have an audience. An interactive one at that. There is no denying the hopes and dreams of a blogger. Yet some of us have survived the long silences. Some of our own, but mostly of others. I wonder what brings us back? Pure love of writing? Need to express ourselves? The hope that one day, our voice will be heard?

Whatever be the case, this is a wonderful space.

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Filed under A first, Blogging, Bonding, Camaraderie, Communication, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Motivation, Personal, Questions., Thoughts

One week down, I have lived a thousand lives

Detailed posts are due. Suffice it to say, coming back after three and a half years, and going to a big fat North Indian wedding is no small feat. The physical, emotional and mental stimulation has been immense. I am learning my way around this place, the people, and the expectations that have been laid out. It is bit of a learning curve at this time. I wonder if “things” were always this way? Have they become more pronounced? Or have I moved away so much from them, that I feel the effects even more now? It could just be a combination of both. I am juggling between what I knew and what I am expected to know. I am working hard to learn, grow, accept and assimilate. I don’t know if I have enough time to master the arts required. Or whether the effort would be worth it. I guess only time will tell.

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Filed under A first, Abstract, Bonding, Communication, Dating, Decisions, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Faith, Fears, Home, Issues, Life, People, Personal, Philosophy, Thoughts

Oh Air-India, take me home.

A few years ago Air-India celebrated it’s 75th anniversary of being operational as a national carrier. My father had worked for this company his entire life, some 34 plus years. What my family and I felt for this company, or the loyalty we have cannot really be put into words. For me, it was our lifeline. The airline made my education, my childhood travel experiences and my identity possible. For me, it has been second home, in so many ways. So I wrote a post about it, to congratulate the company and to express the pride I felt. But took it down because I didn’t want harmless criticism or the comments from people who haven’t been Air-Indians. Sorry, but you know nothing about being one, unless you have been one.

A very good friend and fellow-blogger, caught my post in the 30 seconds it was up. He understood why I had taken it down, but recommended I should not let people’s opinions make me shy of my own. It was great advice and I wanted to put up the post but for the life of me I couldn’t find it. I have regretted that one.

It has been over three years that I have flown Air-India and a long distance flight at that. Right from the familiar beautiful Indian faces, to the vibrant colors, the 23 possible Indian languages one can hear in a single long-distance flight, from new-borns to almost in the grave uncles/aunties, from the fantastic collection of Indian movies to the wonderful co-passenger who completely identifies with your sentiments of living abroad and cannot wait to be back home. Last but not least, the wonderful Indian meals that give you the slightest hint of what awaits you on your trip back home.

Oh Air-India you take me back home every single time.

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Filed under Expectations, Experiences, Facts, Home, Life, Love, Thoughts, Travel

Happy Friday and Thought-pourri

This is the last weekend in this city I call home, for the rest of this year. I then go to my other home. A place I have always called home but not lived in for the last 16 years. Even the place I call home has changed. I think home is no longer a real place. It is a feeling.

Since I haven’t gone back in 3.5 years, I know a lot would have changed. People, places have all enjoyed their time and moved on. Every time I have gone back, a part of my childhood is erased. I used to feel cheated, but I now realize that change is imperative.

We adapt. That is what the human race does, otherwise this race would have vanished a long time ago. I am already noticing a difference in people. I cannot tell if I don’t like the changes because I wished a part of my childhood could remain the same, or because I haven’t been given the opportunity to adapt to the changes. Either way an open mind and heart might make the transition a very happy process.

There are professional/ personal commitments to take care of before I leave. I wished I had more days than I have and it could be Tuesday already. I don’t want to struggle through all of it, but I will. I am confident I will be happy at the end of it.

Here is wishing you all a very happy Friday and weekend. My next entry is probably going to be from back home! :)

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