11.01.09
The last day of October!
There is an obvious lack of titles on this blog. There is no dearth of thought though. But too much of that sometimes clouds clarity. Hard way to see. See.
I am not surprised that it has taken me this long to get back to my blog. I am just sad that it did. This is my 400th post. And I don’t want to quit. I am not sure if that is a sign of strength or weakness. It is amazing how hard we hang onto something we see slip right in front of our eyes. I often wonder what were we doing before reaching that stage.
Anyway, this post is not my last. I hope it is the first of many.
10.01.09
First Day of October.
Today I am going to say a prayer. When nothing else works, an earnest prayer brings back faith.
Today I am going to be strong. For those around me who struggle. My struggles are mine alone.
Today I am going to say bye. I know the last few months will soon become a distant memory for others. For me the memories I made will bring me a lifetime of warmth and happiness.
Today I am going to let a tear out. Not for the troubles I face, but to embrace the relief I feel.
Today I am going to remember, good times will come. Life does go around in circles.
Today I will accept, I cannot do it all. What I can, I will however do it well.
Today I will think of my friends. Those that are still around, and those that chose not to be. Each one has made a better person out of me.
Today I will live to the fullest. After all tomorrow is another day!
09.28.09
Yours and mine.
Do you react to someone the way you know how, or the way you think would be acceptable by them?
Our behavior is masked by our own window of perspective but what influences our interaction? How important is the need to be appropriate versus the need to be acceptable?
Do we forget that it is okay to be ourselves, whether acceptable or not. Sometimes, another perspective is actually a good thing.
09.21.09
Weekend that went by.
I am not sure how many times I have been asked the same questions by the same people. I have given them the same response all those times and yet they repeat thier questions. Sometimes I wonder if people ask questions because they feel the need to ask or because they are actually interested. If they were really interested then how come they don’t keep track of my previous responses?
I think it is hard to understand, why a person complains when he has all that you wanted. One starts to believe that if he gets just that one more thing life will be perfect. Of course not, we as humans are never satisfied.
The female activist was back this weekend. Only this time I could not help but laugh. It felt like a bad old torn tape repeating itself with no new tune to show for.
It takes as little as a place to get together and some food. The warm hugs, love, laughter and lovely memories tend to follow.
Learning should never stop. Listening remians a huge component of that curve.
09.17.09
Focus
Success comes to those who know the value of that single word. It is talent. Almost an art. A very demanding one at that.
ps: looks like I forgot to mention what I was talking about. 
09.15.09
What really matters?
My wedding ring was the only thing I cared about. I believed that would be the sole reminder of the day that would change my life forever.
Of course I didn’t get what I wanted. Inspite of promises and discussions. I gathered this tiny disappointment as ammunition to win an argument, remind my husband how short he came in fulfilling my one wish. My only wish.
Nine months later, I think of all the ups and downs I have experienced. All the insecurities that I have gone through. The relationships I have formed and the ones that I have let go. The person I am evolving into. The person I have left behind. I think how far I have come in having petty selfish thoughts to remembering that there is more to the world than just me. I think of the lovely family that has adopted me. I see my parents happy, because I am happy.
I enjoy the freedom of being some body’s wife. I don’t have to worry about late nights, and dates gone bad and parents worrying about me. I bask in the warmth of a person who loves me enough to let me be me. I continue to struggle professionally but I have this added support. He believes in me and leaves no stone unturned to prove it to me.
I don’t wear the big solitary diamond I had hoped for, instead I have the several tiny diamonds on my ring. I know it has only been nine months but I actually see the rainbow in my ring.
09.10.09
Do miracles really happen?
I believe in Medicine. I think it is an amazing science. We understand a lot about the human body and we have some idea as to how and why it reacts the way it does. We can make some intelligent estimates of what prognosis and quality of life a person will have. How ever we are not clairvoyants, who can predict the future, or time machines for added accuracy. Also everything in medicine is very individual at the end of the day. How a 22 year old athlete will react to a chest infection is very different from how a 74 year old with a smoking history of 50 pack years will.
Yet, I believe we know enough to provide some guidelines. It is not a perfect science. Then again nothing in life is.
There are some glaring short falls that I have observed. Ego can play a huge part in judgement. A cancer specialist lives in his own bubble of hope that he can take away cancer. If not completely cure, atleast give the patients a few more years of life. But at no point does he want to think of end of life issues. That is not why he became a cancer specialist. He became one to give life to those suffering. It is his ego, that does not allow him to realize that may be the few extra days in pain may not be as valuable as a few dignified hours with the family.
Then there is laziness. A lot of specialists want to only take care of their own organ system. It appears like they only care about their own tree in the forrest. It doesn’t matter that the rest of the forrest is on fire. Hence the need for several specialties to work together on very ill patients and some times not so ill patients. Inspite of the million things that go wrong or can go wrong, I think doctors do a decent job.
So many times, I am told about miracle survivals. ” Doctors have said not more than three months and now seven years later…”
I am amazed at the grit and determination of the individual. I am amazed with the support of the family. I think it is miraculous. I think people who walk after spinal cord injuries, give hope to society. I think the patient who survives bad head trauma is determined, I feel people who come out of depression are inspired.
At no point do I feel that when the doctor told a person with a broken spine that his chances of walking are slim, he was doing it out of some arrogance.. he is just relaying facts, his experience and his limitations.
09.09.09
Just me and I.
I have had this conversation before. With myself. This time the tone was different. I wasn’t finding excuses, I was finding my own faults. I have plenty. Some times I question my own beliefs. Some times I wonder if being passionate is the same as being foolish?
It is very easy for us to sit back and judge the decisions other people make. The life and struggles that they chose to fight for; may not be the choices we make. We do how ever have the choice to accept them for who they are. It may not always be easy, but that is a decision we have to make for ourselves.
What do we really care about? Life or death? We celebrate birthdays and we attend funerals. Most people would chose a funeral over a birthday party. I think even in death, we are really celebrating the living.
A surprise party attended. A surprise party planned . Applications to sixty hospitals sent. Two cakes baked. Home cooked dinner on Friday evening. Road trip across three states, met family. Surprise party executed. Life and death discussed. Phone calls for networking purposes. Life changing decisions made. I have survived, now looking for more.
08.26.09
Strength or denial?
It is often too late when we decide to ask for help. We should be able to anticipate in advance that we will need some. We would be expected to know that we cannot do everything by ourselves. We should really know a lot of things but doesn’t look like we do a very good job of learning.
So we suffer. Live with our doubts, scared of the consequences. Most people appear to be doing okay. Question is, are they really? Do they worry at night? Who do they go to when they feel helpless and scared?
Or do we continue to pretend that life is perfect, blissful in denial?
08.19.09
Congratulations!
500 posts is definitely a long time . I can actually claim to have read ‘em all.
I almost feel like I stalk this blog since I seem to appear there a lot. But I like the blog. I like reading about the different life some times in Hong Kong, sometimes in London. There is a story that brews in my head. I enjoy the travel and fun and food and drinks and friends and happiness. Some times I realize there is pain and disappointment and anguish. Probably the only times it hits me that there is an actual human being at the other side of what I read.
I hope you continue to write. Some times for me more than yourself. I have a wonderful place to visit when I get tired of the place I currently occupy.
p.s: My comment on this bloggers post was getting so long and a tab bit too personal that I thought I will make this about me, rather than this blogger. I am like that most times, what to do?
