12.25.09
Happy Holidays.
It was always Merry Chrismas. It even became Merry X’mas which I didn’t like at all.
Now it is happy holidays. Some people might think coming from India it is politically correct way of life I am adopting. Coming from India I would like to believe that I am being more cognizant of the different peopleand their cultures that I interact with.
Isn’t that one of the most unique qualities we as Indians posses?
On that note. Happy Holidays and a fantastic New Year.
12.23.09
About people and such
It is funny that I should be reminded of this post, just when I was beginning to wonder about relationships.
When I was in junior college, a friend of mine emphatically told me that relationships are based on convenience. Some times it translates to the money. Do people with money make better friends, than those that count their pennies? I wonder.
How often do we make conversation with people we care about or want to be cared by. Taking the high road gets advocated way too many times. I think I would like the freedom to tell a few people that they screwed up. Then are we ready for the consequences of such a conversation. I would like to see myself be the big person when I am told to my face that I was a party pooper, or inconsiderate or insensitive. Sometimes I think taking the high road translate into being non-confrontational.
Are we distancing ourselves way too much from people that we care about. Are we so scared to hurt our feelings or their’s that we have now come to the point that there are no feelings left to be hurt?
12.22.09
Christmas week.
Husband and I are doing our thing of firsts. We had our first thanksgiving and now we are gearing up for Christmas.
We are not Christians or Americans. But we are immigrants. This topic is for another discussion altogether. So yeah we bought our first Christmas tree together. I think the real push to get one was when our six year old niece decided to visit us for Christmas.
I have always been very undecided about what I feel about this holiday. It appears commercialized. The stores and the streets are blinding with red and green and golden. There are way too many price tags, gift bags and wrapping paper everywhere.
The idea of a holiday for me is for family to get together. For people to express their gratitude for the whole year of wonderful-ness and pray that it continues.
Somethings might be forced. Like gift wrapping and gift bags. It annoys me when I have to go over budget just to make my within budget gift look good.
But I think the hugs are genuine. The writing on the card is heartfelt. I think the effort that a family makes to be together speaks for itself. I think a little bit of forced love is a good thing.
I have been receiving gifts since last week. Needless to say I’m having a good year. But the biggest surprise and the most special will be the bus ticket my bus driver saved for me, so I could use it again. Just for her to look out for me, brings back my faith in Christmas and holidays.
12.15.09
Not quite!
I have had a note on the right hand side of my blog for sometime now, asking people to refrain from smoking when browsing through my blog.
I don’t have anything regarding guzzling alcohol, or eating a 5th doughnut, doing drugs, neglecting children, waste recycling, using plastic. I can go on.
I strongly feel about a lot of issues. Alienating people because of the principles I uphold makes no sense any longer. I have no issues with people. Just some actions. When I believe, that I am tolerant of individual choices, I think I am being a hypocrite by asking people not to smoke. I never tell people not to eat a pastry.
My aversion to smoking is because I believe it is a huge health hazard, but then so is indulging in table salt.
I want to make a difference, but I don’t think picking on people is the way. I’m going to educate people when they are ready, and support them in their effort to make a difference when they want one.
Learning to agree when we disagree
I just spent the last fifteen minutes listening to some one complain about their life and lack of any motivation. I spent most of the time listening, but then I spent some time sharing what I have learned the last few years about life.
I know it is a wasted effort. This person may not benefit from what she heard today. This person may actually benefit from what she heard today. She is probably never going to come back to me.
People forget. People forget their bad times. It is a good defense mechanism. People also forget the people associated with those bad time. Those that listened patiently, offered help and stood by them in the worst phases of their life.
There is another thing about advice. It should be given carefully, I want to say cautiously. People only hear what they want to hear. No matter what your intentions are the advice given is going to be misconstrued to what they want to believe you are saying.
“We are on the same page”, doesn’t really hold true, when two people come from different backgrounds and experiences. You just cannot be on the same page when you are two very different individuals with different philosophies in life. And yet we have decided to co-exist. I think it is a challenge, we do strive for everyday.
11.30.09
On the other side.
I remember all the times I have broken down into bits when I heard about the death of some one dear.
Last night, I broke down. I didn’t really know the gentleman that has passed away. I only met him once. With so many people around and food to keep me distracted I don’t remember having a conversation with him. But I know the people who have lost him. I can only imagine their loss. I don’t know what it is to lose someone that close. Even then, I cried. I cried like I lost someone very dear.
My husband who has survived such loss was there to support me. He reminded me that those people were looking to me look for strength and hence I would have to be strong. I continued to battle with my emotions. All I could think was that it is my parent’s generation that is slowly wiping out. One day I will get a phone call about one of my parents.
During my last trip to India a very dear friend had lost her mother. I went to meet her about fifteen days later. While we ate some Diwali sweetmeats, and ordered Chinese food, she told me about her mother’s clinical course. She recounted how rapidly her mother deteriorated and how quickly everything went downhill. Her calmness and practicality bothered me. I expected, I guess a more dramatic expression of loss. She continued to tell me about all the paperwork she would have to take care, now that her mother is gone, while I was struggled not to ask her to please cry and let me feel better about her loss.
My mother-in-law told me that it is much later that you realize you don’t have some one to come home to. It is much later you miss the way your loved one sounded, or felt or smelled. Right after some one dies, she said you are thinking of all the one’s that still need support, the people who have to come to sympathize with you. The legal and social obligations that one has to fulfill take up a lot of time, energy and probably even help to tide over the initial shock of loss.
Time they say is a healer. Some times I really wonder.
11.17.09
Need greed and more.
I am not sure if wanting more is essentially a good thing. I am not sure if wanting more is essentially a bad thing.
I was told that needs and wants never end. They only bring sadness. Once you get the one thing you wanted, you didn’t have anything else to look forward to. This loss in purpose is depressing. The depression would lead you to find another need or a want. And hence the cycle would continue.
When I got older, I liked the fact that needs and wants never end. They bring in ambition. Once you achieved one goal you could move on to the next goal. This constant need to achieve took us to great lengths. The ambition will help you succeed. Success will bring in confidence and you will succeed even more.
Sometimes though I cannot tell. Is wanting more, really a good thing or bad.
Don’t stop..
Initially I thought you were just some prankster. Then I figured you were specifically targeting certain blogs and being an annoyance. You did what you had to do. I hope you had fun while doing it.
Now you have extended your misbehavior by assuming other people’s identity. I want to applaud you for trying so hard instead I feel bad for you.
I know you need some attention. Everything you do is an attention seeking tactic. I wish you would have just asked. I would have had the choice to give it to you, or let you know that I was not capable of indulging in you.
Now I know, I want nothing to do with you. But I dedicate this post to you. So you know, there is always the spam button, the I.P address by which I know who you are and the conviction of not entertaining you on this blog.
I wish you good luck else where!
11.13.09
The bird has flown.
I left my home country for better educational opportunities. There was no looking back. I didn’t know that then, but I suspect my parents did. There were times when my mother would comment that they had let their bird fly.
I have always been very grateful for the opportunities and freedom I was given. I know they were encouraging and very enthusiastic when I had set out. So many years down the line, they don’t recognize the person I have become. I don’t recognize the people I have left behind. Every time I go back to my home country something has changed. Some times I feel robbed of my childhood, of my memories.
People who stayed behind live the change. They get used to the changing life styles. People like me want to hold onto the few things we identify with, memories we hold dear.
For the coming holiday season, I was thinking about the cards that I would write. I wanted to let people know that my husband and I are doing well, in spite of being in a foreign country. I was wondering if I should send them anniversary pictures. I remember receiving these small pieces of evidence from cousins that had left the country long time ago. I am amused that I want to have witnesses from my past life validating my present.
Life is passing us by and I have this intense urge to hang onto what I left behind. There is a growing gap each time I think I can bridge it. I think it is time I realize that the only reason I am so far away is because they let their bird fly.
