The past few weeks have lent to a lot of thinking, judging, understanding and growing up. The fuel to it all were some interactions I had. I had one g-chat conversation. I met two girl friends. All this happened at the time my husband was away for 20 plus days.
Over g-chat, someone I know asked me how I was managing? She referred it to the distribution of labor? I wondered what that meant? My apartment looked exactly how I like it. No boy shoes lying around, no news papers strewn over the floor, or the ironing board right bang in the middle of my living room. I was loving how clean and organized my place looked. I told her I have lived alone before and so there was no managing to do. I just adapted to him not being around. Very happily so.
When the said someone asked me if I was going to leave dirty dishes in the sink as a celebration of my husband’s return, I was angry at the comment, then disgusted, a little hurt but mostly shocked. I was not sure how I should be reacting to something so distasteful. Is that all we need our husbands/friends/life companions for? I was left numb for a bit, because I realized this must be a joke. Me and my sense of humor. Or the lack of it.
Is this the attitude that is leading to so many divorces around me. Both the girlfriends I met are undergoing divorces. Needless to say there is hurt, anger, betrayal, sadness, questions. At the end there is plain loneliness. Their stories are heart wrenching. I don’t think anyone should undergo so much pain and self doubt. How do two individuals who vowed love, respect and togetherness, one day decide to move their separate ways? Why does it have to end in so much pain. Where do we go wrong?
One thing they both had in common, was the loss of respect. One of them has lost respect for the man she is with, the other felt her husband didn’t respect her enough. It was time to move on. Of course their story isn’t as simple as the last two lines. It is years of confusion, distrust and misunderstandings. But bottom line was just respect.
For that I am grateful. I don’t have a picture perfect marriage. We have our ups and downs, days we fight, nights when we would like to be left alone, deadlines that take priority, family politics that leave a bad taste. What we do have is mutual respect. We have mutually decided to be a little more patient, a lot more understanding, and realize that we are both different from different family backgrounds. But we are here and we are going to enjoy the ride. We are definitely going to fight anything that comes in the way of something so beautiful we have created the past few years. Long term commitments are no joke. It is work. Everyday. Hell it is a work in progress for the rest of your life.
So I decided not to react to the said someone. It felt like the comment was a small attack on my family values, on me, my husband and my relationship. Knowing fully well that this person meant no harm, I decided it wasn’t worth telling this person that I don’t think they are funny. To each his own. Being happily married is not a joke!