This post is going to be a draft for a long time. I don’t know when we became so cynical or so secretive. But we did. I am so thrilled about you. I didn’t even know I could feel the way I do. You have had such a humbling effect on me, I already know you are going to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. After your father of course. He is the best thing that has ever happened to both of us. You will see, you will know. I promise you.
You are a bit of a miracle. No one knows that. Not yet. Probably never will. You know, people don’t talk about these things. I don’t know why our society is such. Most of us suffer and struggle alone. We don’t talk about our fears and definitely not about our failures. I don’t know since when it became a crime to accept that we are not picture perfect. Truth is darling, everyone struggles whether they accept it or not, whether they tell you or not. That is why it is so important to be kind and patient with people around you. You never know what is going on in their lives, even if they look like they have it all.
I digress. I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant. I was told my ovaries were too old, I was too fat and nothing was working right. I worked hard to lose weight but there was nothing I could do about my ovaries. Your father believed in both of us, even though the doctors had recommended medications and procedures. Just your dad and me and you happened. Our little miracle.
One day I will tell you about where the doctors went wrong and what I learned to make my own practice better. But today, at 11 weeks I have watched you grow very little every day. I have been through numerous tests and numerous examinations. I didn’t know I had it in me to go through it all. Your father doesn’t come with me as he works almost 18 hours a day. I will tell you more about your father too. Most people think I am alone. Physically I am, but I could not do this without your old man. Most importantly I didn’t know how strong I had to be, until I saw you. You were just a peanut when I first saw you at 6 weeks, with your little heart beating so strong, so fast. I knew immediately I had become a better person for it.
Thank you for coming into our lives. Oh, we have so much catching up to do.
Filed under A first, Health, Life, Thoughts, Fears, Experiences, People, Emotions, Wishes, Facts, Society, Issues, Milestones, Marriage, Pregnancy
Time to detox. “Nuff Said”
Filed under A first, Abstract, Blogging, Camaraderie, Communication, Decisions, Disappointments, Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Friends, Life, People, Personal, Thoughts, Wishes
It has been a total of 6 weeks since I started Graduate School. It has been a bit of a whirlwind. I’ve barely managed to keep my head above the water. I thought this year would provide me with some down time. Instead I find myself busier with all the projects that I have brought upon myself. School itself is busy. With 15 credits in 12 weeks, I have assignments, readings, paper writing, mid-terms and final exams. If that isn’t pressure enough my class consists of students at least 10 years younger than me. They are quicker, smarter and know exactly what it takes to succeed. They have clear plans and are willing to do whatever it takes to be on top. I like the next generation. I like that they keep me on my toes. I like that I am equipped with experience, maturity and knowledge. What I am struggling with is speed. Everything takes me longer.
I have to take the yearly in-service exam that every resident in the United States needs to take. I haven’t started studying yet. I have been very distracted. Right now I can justify it all, but come November when I intend to travel for 3-4 weeks, I don’t think I will be that happy. I need to get my act together and fast.
As I am in school, I actually get vacation. I am very excited about it. I have no had designated vacation days in a while. I have already begin my planning, telling my friends. I have kept the relatives at bay. I have started conditioning my mother about my visit. I don’t have a ticket in hand. I have to accomplish a million things in the next few weeks but I cannot wait to get home. I just hope the plans don’t fall flat.
On that note, happy Friday y’all.
Filed under Bonding, Camaraderie, Communication, Environment, Experiences, Goal, Life, Milestones, Pain, Personal, Questions., Thoughts
For me and my husband. For many many reasons. Reasons that I cannot wait to tell you all about. But for now, I need to take a step back. I need to breathe. I need to finish homework and I need to think. There is probably no right or wrong way to do this. We just have to have a plan to do it. With my plate as full as it is right now, I don’t have a plan. Soon I hope. For now, I am going to smile and savor this moment.
Very very excited!!
Filed under A first, Abstract, Blogging, Communication, Decisions, Emotions, Environment, Experiences, Facts, Health, Issues, Life, People, Personal
Thank you wordpress. It’s been great and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon.
I can proudly say I have a childhood best friend. Sometimes I wonder if I have any. Every now and then I am reminded I have people who love me and have decided to be my in my life no matter what. This one particularly has stuck by me through a lot. She and I have never put it into words but we both know this relationship hasn’t been the smoothest ride. That is not the point of this post.
There have been a few things on my mind and it was great to be able to discuss them with someone whose opinion I respect:
1. Respect for self: How much do we care about ourselves? Whether is it a regional, cultural, issues pertaining to affordability? How often do we make ourselves a priority? How often do we tell our friends/family, we cannot join them for a drink as we have to go the gym. How often do we give up on weekend brunches as we have a yoga class. On one hand it may sound selfish. On the other how many of us are obese, diabetic, hypertensive or worse-unhappy?
2. Respect for professionals: I don’t know if it is “just an Indian thing” It could be. Not many people, (I really do hope the trend is changing) employ personal trainers, nutritionists even physiotherapists, counselors other allied professionals. A lot of us think we know it all, we can do it better. I have heard that so many times from friends and family back at home. And yet none of these people have actually gone to school to know, learn, assimilate and put into practice what some of these professionals have gone to school for.
3. Respect for the unborn: Having a child is a huge decision. It isn’t a social one, it is a very personal one. We all talk about it all the time. Aunties, mothers, mother-in-laws, other pregnant friends always ask us our business. At the end of the day, the decision and what ensues after is what conspires between two individuals and only those two individuals who will be responsible for that life they create, for the rest of their lives.
4. Respect for other human beings: That should come easy right? Treat others they way you would like to be treated. Simple! And yet a lot of us get that so wrong. I probably keep very high expectations from people. Which is probably why I have very few friends. I don’t subscribe to “taking liberties” with people I know I can rely on. I think those are the relations one should never take for granted. After talking to my friend today, I think I need to think about this one.
Filed under Abstract, Blogging, Bonding, Camaraderie, Communication, Culture, Decisions, Disappointments, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Facts, Faith, Fears, Food, Friends, Health, Issues, Life, Motivation, People, Questions., Rants, Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Wishes
Another month has gone by. Here are the top 5 happenings in the life of this one blogger.
1.Health is asking for more attention. I think it is part of the ageing process. Body tells you it has done everything it could, time to give back. It is true, payback is a bitch!
2. I am sure all of you have had someone on your Facebook friend list mention that they were going to delete people from their friend list. Sometimes I wonder if we could do that clean-up, recycle, refurbishing of sorts in real life. Do people run their course in our lives too?
3. School is going well. I still do everything last minute. I still want to be the teacher’s pet. I still want to top every class. I guess something never change. Except now I can see what everyone else saw years ago. I ain’t so bad, but c’mmon stop with the professors.
4. I left my maiden home almost 17 years ago and yet when I get homesick, I yearn to go back ‘home’. I have been married for more than 5 years and build a very nice ‘home’ with my husband and yet I yearn for ‘home’. I don’t know what it is about that place. It has been three years since I went back. I desperately want to go back.
5. I would like to get regular with blogging. Does monthly count? I have been consistent. Yes, no?
Filed under Blogging, Camaraderie, Communication, Disappointments, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Fears, Friends, Goal, Health, Issues, Life, Marriage, People, Personal, Relationships, Society, Thoughts