Last week starting Sunday had to be the best and the worst week for me this year.
Sunday kicked off Diwali celebrations in our new apartment. I wasn’t up to company, celebrations, or even embracing the new place. I am not very good with change. But perhaps change is exactly what we needed.
I love birthdays in general. Mine most of all. EVERYONE should know that. This year has been miserably tough. Every birthday I am reminded that I lost my first baby just a day after my birthday. This year I had hoped my second baby would make it to my birthday so we could have had a fighting chance. That didn’t happen either. I almost didn’t want to live through the day, because I didn’t know if I had it in me to face the potential burst of emotions.
The birthday came despite my denial with a promise that four days later it would be my husband’s. The old man turned 40 this year. I decided to give him a birthday he could feel loved, honored and appreciated for who he is! So I took solace that I had something else to think about.
Last week my husband and I experienced pouring in of love, affection, hugs, phone calls and messages. People came out in numbers to join us in our attempt to celebrate life that exists and forget even if for just a second of the life that didn’t make it. I am touched by the effort our friends made to take time out of their busy schedules to ensure we were made to feel special and loved.
Even though this was a tough week to live by, the universe had other plan for us. With the love we have experienced in the last one week, I feel we are stronger and more prepared for the challenges that lie ahead of us. I got to make my husband feel loved and appreciated and nothing makes me happier than a 40 year old man, feel like a young boy again.
A very happy birthday to both of us! I am ready for the world again 🙂
Filed under Birthday, Blogging, Bonding, Camaraderie, Celebration, Challenges, Death, Decisions, Disappointments, Emotions, Experiences, Friends, Healing, Life, Loss, Love, New York, People, Rants, Relationships, Society, Thoughts
Let’s just all take a minute to agree upon the fact that this was the toughest week the husband I have survived without once mentioning the tragedy that struck us last year. An event that has changed me for life, that has changed my relationship with my husband forever and the one that has made us both appreciate little mercies in life.
So while we were profoundly affected last year, this year we celebrated and hugged and laughed and smiled and not once did we bring up last year. I deliberately so, the husband probably because he forgot.
And that is okay.. out with the old, in with the new. We are going to be okay. We are! We just have to take a deep breath in…. and then let go…
Fall in the United States happens to be my favorite time of the year… I know there is a dreaded snow laden winter coming our way, but fall reminds me of happy moments in my life.
My first trip to the US with my father that I can remember. I was 11 and took a bus ride from Philadelphia to Baltimore on my own. It was one stop and my father put me on the bus. I think my family still talks about how crazy my father was to do that and how brave I was to make it on that 2 hour journey. It was something my dad and I laughed about.
Apples and apple cider and pies and leaves changing colors. Warm warm cozy sweaters and lot of tea. Some of my favorite things to have, do, wear.
Diwali and Dussehra and the month long festivities back at home. I miss them tremendously but thanks to technology I get glimpses of what people are doing back home.
My birthday followed by my husbands. This time of the year is generally celebratory….
And then you… I was almost 20 months.. waiting to feel you kick inside me, starting to tell people about you.. and then finally holding you in my arms.. not knowing if I had failed you or you had decided, you weren’t going to bother with us. No matter what the truth was, you will always be my happiest of memories.
Filed under Anniversary, Condolences, Conversations, Death, Disappointments, Dreams, Emotions, Expectations, Healing, Life, Marriage, Pain, Sad, Thoughts
It’s only been 7 hours since my birthday actually started but I think I have already had the best birthday ever. 🙂
Details to follow. Maybe!
Filed under A first, Blogging, Bonding, Emotions, Experiences, Facts, Faith, Fears, Life, Love, Marriage