She is a mother of 7 and younger. She is much older and yearns to have.
She is religious and conservative. She is spiritual and a liberal.
She believes she is superior. She believes in no such thing.
She hopes. She awaits.
She has settled. She continues the search.
She is wise. She is learned
She is conflicted. She is the conflict.
They make the most unlikely of friendships.
Filed under Abstract, Bonding, Camaraderie, Conversations, Emotions, Experiences, Friends, Friendship, Hope, Life, Living my life, People, Relationships, Society, Thoughts
I hope people can find true happiness.
I hope people care more, eat less, sleep more, cry less, laugh more, lie less.
I hope people can keep their differences aside, be more respectful.
I hope people would remind themselves we are all people, not man/woman, white/black, native/immigrant.
I hope the boundaries disappear, travel becomes easy.
I hope immigration officers don’t exist.
I hope I continue to live, travel, love, laugh, and believe.
I hope I make this world the kind of place I want to live in.
Filed under Attitude, Bonding, Communication, Culture, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Faith, Friends, Inspiration, Life, Living my life, Motivation, musings, Opinion, People, Personal, Philosophy, Plans, Priorities, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts, Travel
Do you know any graduate students in the United States of America? Perhaps the right question should be do you know any graduate student in USA enrolled in a premier institution who is pursuing a master’s degree, a PhD degree and who is going back into residency because despite the shouting from the rooftops about her love for research is essentially a doctor at heart.
If not, you have found yourself in the right place. So let me tell you about my Master’s graduation ceremony. It was my first and it was splendid. Like the first times generally are. Husband by my side, friends to cheer me on I had a moment where I wished my parents would be there to savor the moment. But that was it. It was only that moment. My name was called, I walked up to the stairs, I was hooded, congratulated, hugged called a super star, I collected my degree… er…. well that’s where the sham comes in.. more on that later.. took a professional photograph, walked of the stage, met a few of my faculty, got called the best of the lot, had me beaming, my husband beaming, lots of hugs and photographs later, I was home.
Back to my reality, I have a master’s thesis pending, a Phd proposal pending, a Phd qualifier in less than 6 weeks, a trip to Europe for 10 days (very excited but at such a bad time), and then the start to residency on July 1st. So what exactly did my degree say- It said it was an I-Owe-You! It was for all of us as our degrees will be mailed out at a later date. Mine is contingent to my thesis submission. I am no where close to being done. It will get done, I am confident. Just not yet.
In my mind, I am gunning for the PhD. That day I will ensure my mother will be there for my big day. I will let some of my closest friends know too. Perhaps that day I could truly walk tall and proud and finally feel accomplished.
Filed under A first, Attitude, Celebration, Determination, Friends, Goal, Life, Living my life, Milestones, Motivation, People, Personal, Resolutions, Update, Wishes
You know I’ve been respectful of your choices right?! But today I ask you, can you see yet what we see or is he still the president you think you deserve?
Filed under Abstract, Camaraderie, Communication, Conversations, Friends, musings, People, Politics, Questions., Short, Society, Thoughts
Your message made me really sad. Just like our last conversation on the phone did. I never had the liberty to develop any feelings for you as I knew about R even before you told me about her (Curtesy PS). As much as I enjoyed talking to you then and felt the warmth of your affection, I was always aware that you were spoken for. Yet the rude shock of being discarded as a nuisance was hurtful.( You said now that you are married, it wouldn’t be right by your wife for us to continue talking). Apart from our spoiled rice fiasco in your dorm room, nothing transpired between us that I could hold onto. Instead I felt a certain distance from you which I had come to respect. That day in London remains a heartwarming memory, and always brings a smile to my face. I want to hold onto that memory. While I applaud your effort at honesty, I think what makes me sad is that you allowed yourself to be selfish then and you are being selfish now. It was about you and doing the right by R then, it’s about your pain now. It doesn’t feel like I feature any where in your thoughts/considerations/decisions. That makes me sad. Even friends don’t treat their friends like that, let alone someone who may once have had a kind of love for someone that could be painful.
I don’t know if this is good bye yet, but do forgive me the day that it is.
Filed under Communication, Conversations, Decisions, Disappointments, Emotions, Experiences, Friends, Life, Loss, Love hurts, Pain, People, Personal, Rants, Relationships, Sad, Thoughts
The lack of posts is because of the 5 weeks the husband and I took to travel. We decided we had had enough with our current lives. So we needed to reboot. With a bit of rearranging our lives, commitments, vacation times and bank balance we managed to get some time off. We then looked at the map and put our fingers on the farthest and warmest countries we could find.
I had my reservations. Five weeks is a long time. Same room, same food, same routines with complete lack of privacy, me time, my friends that I wasn’t sure how the husband and I would get along. I also didn’t know what the husband was going through. Why did he think this was a good idea? For me, I was mostly in it for the ride. We had our back packs, our carry-ons and off we were. Except for one day when I missed my home, I have to say I didn’t think of New York once. I guess it is true that home is where the heart is. And my heart was right there with me.
I am still jet lagged. I choose to be. My mantra is to be less stuck up this year. That is a tall order. We don’t even realize how many things just bog us down or we hold on to. So no alarms since we have come back and if the eyes are shut for 11 hours so be it. I know the luxury won’t last too long. Just because I am ready to let go, doesn’t mean the world will also be as relaxed.
This trip has been very good for me personally. I have come back refreshed, happy and determined. I have some personal and professional goals I would like to achieve which include writing more.
What are your goals? How did you ring in the new year? What do you want 2017 to be like for you?
Filed under Bonding, Camaraderie, Challenges, Communication, Conversations, Decisions, Determination, Experiences, Friends, Hope, Life, Living my life, Marriage, Milestones, Motivation, New York, partner, Personal
- I am an Indian (Brown) immigrant in the United States. I have been here for 3 election cycles but I do not have the right to vote yet.
- I have friends both democrat and republican and we have been friends for over 12 years now.
- I have the benefit of not choosing sides, and I have the ability to look at things from an “outsider’s” point of view.
- I have hope for my adopted country.
Well after that disclaimer, I feel we need to talk to one another now more than ever. There was a CNN news piece that people weren’t going to be with their families over thanksgiving this year. That was just disheartening. Doesn’t matter what our political allegiance may be, I don’t think families should be affected by it.
Having said that, I feel we are very deeply affected. When a friend of mine who is a nurse at a hospital I used to intern at, was fervently supportive of Donald Trump, it made me question a few things.
- Did she not really like me as I did take up a position that could have gone to an American white doctor.
- Does she think I should go back to India?
- Does she not care about what the leader of this nation believes in, whether or not he respects women, people of color, considers climate change to be real and really truly cares about the working class.
- Her support of Donald Trump made me wonder what she truly felt about me.
- It made me question the future of our friendship.
I have time and again played back the years of knowing her. She was the only one I confided in about my deepest fears and darkest thoughts. I knew she would get me. At that time she did. I have been deeply troubled about the foundation of our friendship.
I knew I had to stop letting her posts on Facebook stop affecting me. I know heart of hearts, she is the same person she was when we became friends. She and I have grown up together as people and we have had each other’s back when no one else knew that we were crumbling. No politics can take that away from us.
So I decided I am not going to let petty politics change my love for her, my attitude towards her, and if need be I will stop following her on Facebook. What about the rest of the Facebook posts. People justifying their choice of Trump and being okay with “losing friends” over Facebook. What about those that fear or feel angry at people who did chose Trump claiming that they will delete those different from them.
I see a cry for acceptance, fear, desperation. I see the need to talk more, engage more, think more and act more. I already see people getting more involved with their community. I see people voicing themselves a little stronger/louder. I feel a little can go a long way and even though some of us think we are doomed, I see hope. A little adversity always brings out the best in people. Also, Facebook is not a measure of our relationships, people.
With that out in the open, I wish you all a very happy Thanksgiving weekend and a very happy holiday season.
Filed under Advice, Celebration, Communication, Confusion, Conversations, Decisions, Doubts, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Facts, Faith, Fear, focus, Friends, Friendship, Healing, Hope, Issues, Life, Opinion, People, Priorities, Questions., Rants, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts