What I hope I can be to you..

My dear darling girl..

My first reaction when I heard we were going to have a girl was pure joy. I won’t deny during my first pregnancy I had hoped we would have a boy. I believe they are easier to raise. I wanted to have it easy. But you know, children don’t come easy.

The second reaction was insecurity. I thought I would lose your dad to you. He has always wanted a girl. I knew he had his reasons but I never asked. He and his mother (your grandmother) were happy that you were going to be born, but neither care that you are going to be  girl. To them, you are a miracle waiting to happen.

As you grow in me, surviving everything I put you through, I really hope we get to meet you. I feel myself tremble as I write this as I know how fragile we all are at this moment. In spite of everything that can go wrong , I hold on to hope.

Sometimes more than hope I struggle with fear. I know I am not a perfect person. Good thing is no one is. What is scary though, is that I know I wont be a perfect mother. I don’t think that breed exists. I know I will make mistakes. I just don’t know which ones.

There are somethings I can promise you. I will always be there for you. I will always trust you. I will learn to be patient and listen to your stories/thoughts/opinions. I will let go every time you need the time and space to grow. I will do my best to let you know that you have always have me in your corner.

 

*originally written on 8/12/16. This has been lying in my drafts section. Thought I should let this out.. my dreams and hopes are fully alive and hence I am not hiding my emotions anymore.

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