Monday blues

I feel like I am a life time behind on things. Things I wanted to do, I need to achieve. My personal goals, wishes and hopes. I seem to have no motivation. I am worried. I have asked myself at least 3 times today, do I need to call the counselor. I have personally benefited from a session with the counselor, but it wasn’t in ways it was intended to be. I realized then that no one can tell me how to feel. What I feel I feel and I have no control over it. The person I pay a hefty fee to just listen to me, has even less control over my feelings. I realized that if I spoke to myself more than I already do, then maybe I wont be in all the muck I usually find myself in. I need to rationalize my thoughts. Hence thinking about the need to call a counselor is worrisome at best. When exactly and where did I lose my shit?

I am amazed at how perfect everyone’s life looks from the outside. I have had friends tell me they envy my life, marriage, friendships, accomplishments.. the list goes on. I sometimes fall into that trap myself. I find myself envying others. After all people always project the best of themselves. Even though we are all flawed, our relationships are a constant work in progress and we sleep every night along with our insecurities and unfulfilled aspirations. We remain alone in our struggles and fears. I am tired of putting my best self forward all the time. Can I stop being an adult sometimes?

Another week starts. 5 weeks to go until the new year and we can all start pretending the new year will some how be different from the last. Happy Monday y’all.



Filed under A first, Abstract, Always one step behind, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Life, Personal, Society, Thoughts

4 responses to “Monday blues

  1. Amy

    I spent a year in grief counseling. It helped me. I learned that most of the anxiety I felt had to do with the fear of regretting what I didn’t do in my life. I hope you find what you need.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have spoken to a counselor 5 times. Different ones, but have one I like. She has told me on several occasions that I’ve got it, I don’t need her. Which is why I truly weigh-in do I need someone to listen, or do I need help. I think I struggle with things I haven’t done either. I’m trying to do better with that. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. SA

    I could relate to this post so much. I could have very well written this post..
    I guess I am just trying to make peace with what I have and be thankful about it.

    I have already started working towards my next goal and will try and give my heart and soul to it. Lets see what happens?

    Good luck to you! I hope you get what you’re looking for..
    Reminds me of that U2 Song – I still haven’t found what I am looking for 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • As I am always saying, you should write more…:))
      Yes plans/goals/ determination.. All this springs up a lot during this time of the year. I just hope that the enthusiasm doesn’t die down before, what needs to be done is done!
      Thanks, can definitely do with some luck favoring me.


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