I’m heartbroken. But the tears won’t fall. The heart won’t cry. The feelings don’t sting. The words fail me. I’m numb and it’s beginning to worry me. I don’t know when I’m going to break. I know I will. I’ve watched this movie play before my eyes in the past. I know I will be shattered. It’s just a matter of time.
So I hang onto my sanity. Make the right decisions. Assure people around me. I know they are walking on egg shells. They are right to do so. Just like me they are waiting for the ceiling of normalcy to break. Neither of us aware of the aftermath.
I tell myself, I’m going to get past this. I don’t want to give myself a choice. I want to look beyond my loss, the impending grief, the feeling of complete failure. I know all the words that were said before. If I gave people the opportunity they will say them again. I don’t want to. Empty is all I feel.
I remind myself that the two people who care for me the most and truly love me are right here besides me. I’ve got to get it together for them. As it is I who holds them up and keeps them standing strong. I’m not sure I want this burden, but I will bear it anyway.
I want to tell you exactly what I mean. I want to tell you what happened. I want a shoulder to cry on. But the words fail me. The tears won’t fall. The heart won’t cry. The feelings don’t sting. Empty is all I feel.