The brain is very fuzzy this morning. Complete lack of clarity does not help when the to do list begs to run out of the page you are trying to jot down the to-do list. I don’t know where to start, where to keep going, where to restart, what to let go and what to prioritize.
Being a student/resident/career woman is tough when married. Technically, I don’t get asked to chose. I am free to do whatever I want. Sometimes I wonder if that only exists on paper. When I chose my family over my work, I often get told that I wasn’t asked anything of. Where in lies the problem. I get no credit for struggling through my own priorities to include what I hold dearest to me. My friends, family, my husband. It is tiresome to be self-less.
School is challenging. One should know that especially if it has been 15 plus years since last school attended. The people you go to school with are so much younger, smarter, quicker with everything. It is annoying to say the least. Just staying awake in class after a whole day of being an adult gets tough at times. I feel a twinge of jealousy when I see young people in the library until 10 pm slogging away on their homework and then going to the nearest pub to blow off steam. I wouldn’t mind doing that at times but then age kicks in. At 10 I would rather be in my bed than at some bar.
A mean selfish streak is essential for survival, I am beginning to realize. Yes better late than never definitely applies to this one writing this blog. When my husband first told me that I have to stop being there for everyone and start prioritizing myself I seriously judged his upbringing. Now, several years down the line as I see people stamp over others and get ahead in life, while I find myself struggling I am beginning to wonder if we are still working with the survival of the fittest phenomenon. Being nice doesn’t get you any place.
On that cheery and happy note, happy hump day all of you peeps. Hope spring is being good to you!