I signed up for my first ever 5K run. I have never run in my life. I think you along with everyone who knows me knows my disdain for running. It isn’t running I disdain. It is my inability to run. I have masked it all these years but now I am ready to shake that. I am ready to accept my fears and shortcomings and I am ready to face them. In 8 weeks I will be running my first race ever.
As I signed up for it, I thought of you my coach. I thought of all the things you taught me about getting out of my comfort zone, about challenging my body and my mind, about visualizing success and going for it. Most of all about believing in myself.
Last year when I met you, I didn’t ever think I would be swimming, or would hike the Grand Canyon. I was even told I couldn’t get pregnant. Then you came along with your positivity and go getting attitude. I heard of your own struggles and saw how you never gave up. I didn’t see any self pity or self doubt. I saw conviction and determination. It made me realize how trivial some of my problems were and how I could over come them myself.
A 5K isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things. It is a big deal to me. The fact that I am thinking about it and have just registered for it, I know what I have just challenged myself to. I think of you, because at another time on another day with different circumstances I think you would have been proud of me. I would have been so happy and excited to tell you all about it.
Unfortunately we no longer share that rapport. I know I messed up, like I tend to with people I love the most. I’m so infamous for ruining my most treasured relationships that even my mother warned me against fighting with you. What is unfortunate is that we didn’t even have a fight. We have just drifted apart. I want to tell you about my running, about my swimming progress, about my school and life in general, like I used to.
But here I am, hoping that you know, for all the doubts and pain and misunderstanding, I miss you terribly my dear coach, my trusted friend.