Another three weeks to go. Originally written on 9/21/2014

I never got to publish this post. It is the last of the drafts I had started to write. I notice a common theme in all my posts when I was pregnant. I was constantly worried. About the health of the baby, my health. I know I was becoming that crazy stressed out woman. When the mother-in-law can sense your stress, you know you have gone step too far. I wonder if I wanted perfection and I was killing myself over it.

I feel the body decided that it won’t give me anything since I wanted it to be so perfect. Having gone through one pregnancy loss will I feel the same way about the next? Will I be more amenable to keeping a special needs child? Will it be fair? Will I even be the same person? Will the next child be as precious? Will I even be able to have the next child?

I crossed the 40th week a few days ago. Lots of tears later it hit me that I was still grieving. Some chocolate, some pasta, some movies later I am ready to re-start!.

Before I completely let go off the past and move on I wanted to share this last blog post.

It is the last time I may mention you but you will never be forgotten. 

Another three weeks to go.

I think I am going to wait another three weeks before I will announce you to the world. It will be the early anatomy scan time in 3 weeks. So far everything has come back okay. In three weeks I will be told how you are developing and if there is anything I need to be concerned about. I will also find out if you are a boy or a girl.

My uncontrolled blood sugars aren’t helping but I am working very hard at them. Didn’t know I could be so responsible suddenly. I am generally a very responsible person, but I wouldn’t wait for the traffic lights to turn green, or drink 2-3 liters of water everyday, eat a piece of cheese every night, because I know it is the one thing that will keep my blood sugars under control. I go swimming everyday, walking most days and I am so happy doing it.

I constantly remind myself, that you didn’t ask to be born. We made you and it would be up to us to do the right by you. I am not saying I will protect you from everything I can. I actually wont. I want you to learn to survive and do it well. I just don’t want to be irresponsible. So yes you will eat your vegetables, drink your milk, exercise and watch TV only if you have earned it. I will nudge you to study and be academically oriented, and you will be given the freedom to chose any passion you want to pursue.

I cannot wait to tell the world about you!

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2 Comments

Filed under Bonding, Communication, Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Fears, Life, Love, Personal, Pregnancy, Relationships

2 responses to “Another three weeks to go. Originally written on 9/21/2014

  1. SA

    I can’t tell you to move on. I can’t tell you to look ahead. I can’t even tell you to hang in there and things will get better.. It will run its course and both of us know that..
    What I can tell you is that I am here wishing and rooting for you. If ever you need a patient ear you know where to mail..

    *Hugs*

    Like

    • Awe, thanks! Your comment here means a lot. I am cleaning up house. I am ready to make a fresh start so I am paying my dues and moving on!

      That is what this post is about. I am ready. 🙂

      Thanks again, it really does mean a lot for you to be so kind.

      Like

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