This post is going to be a draft for a long time. I don’t know when we became so cynical or so secretive. But we did. I am so thrilled about you. I didn’t even know I could feel the way I do. You have had such a humbling effect on me, I already know you are going to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. After your father of course. He is the best thing that has ever happened to both of us. You will see, you will know. I promise you.
You are a bit of a miracle. No one knows that. Not yet. Probably never will. You know, people don’t talk about these things. I don’t know why our society is such. Most of us suffer and struggle alone. We don’t talk about our fears and definitely not about our failures. I don’t know since when it became a crime to accept that we are not picture perfect. Truth is darling, everyone struggles whether they accept it or not, whether they tell you or not. That is why it is so important to be kind and patient with people around you. You never know what is going on in their lives, even if they look like they have it all.
I digress. I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant. I was told my ovaries were too old, I was too fat and nothing was working right. I worked hard to lose weight but there was nothing I could do about my ovaries. Your father believed in both of us, even though the doctors had recommended medications and procedures. Just your dad and me and you happened. Our little miracle.
One day I will tell you about where the doctors went wrong and what I learned to make my own practice better. But today, at 11 weeks I have watched you grow very little every day. I have been through numerous tests and numerous examinations. I didn’t know I had it in me to go through it all. Your father doesn’t come with me as he works almost 18 hours a day. I will tell you more about your father too. Most people think I am alone. Physically I am, but I could not do this without your old man. Most importantly I didn’t know how strong I had to be, until I saw you. You were just a peanut when I first saw you at 6 weeks, with your little heart beating so strong, so fast. I knew immediately I had become a better person for it.
Thank you for coming into our lives. Oh, we have so much catching up to do.