It has been a rough week. Only for me. People around me are doing well. And I am genuinely happy for them. Karma I call it. But me not so much. This time I am not looking to blame anyone but myself. I am going through the motions and realizing I don’t like what I see. The decisions I made, the trust I put into people. A part of me is also questioning my faith in god. I also know I cannot back down now. I have to stay strong for myself, for my family and for all those that believe in me.
I did go for the hike. It turned out to be less distance more terrain. Lots of rocks and boulders and ice and slippery mud. I loved every second of it even though I had the wrong shoes, wrong outfit, lost my favorite scarf and was last on the trail. Most important thing is that I finished. Probably even more important is that I want to do it all over again.
Today I sign up for swimming. I have always wanted to learn. Also in my quest for better health, better body I think swimming will provide me with the right push and motivation to keep going. Also it is considered to be the most calorie burning exercise. I am all for killing two birds with one arrow.
People around me are breaking up their families, separating from loved ones, getting divorces. A friend recently told me, this is okay as the involved person is happy, as that is all that matters. It has been bothering me since. Is it really our own happiness that is all that matters? Do we not have a responsibility towards our partner/children family around us? Can we do whatever it takes to keep ourselves happy, even if it comes at the cost of others? I am all for putting myself first on the priority list, but I don’t know when exactly that becomes selfish.
I try not to complain about the weather. People do it all the time and I have never seen the point of it. It’s either too cold or it’s too hot. My philosophy is that if it is not not under your control don’t complain about it. But man-o-man. Has this winter been long and painful? Everyone was so happy about a warm November and I kept warning people that we will have a long drawn winter because of it. Damn this black tongue. I am ready for some loving from the sun.