If I had to be honest I think fall is my favorite time of the year. It is not too hot, with only the slightest hint of chill in the air. The leaves are yearning to change color. They will be the brightest and their best, right before they whither off to nothingness. The place I call home and the home I left behind begin preparations for the festive season. Fall brings with it happiness and cheer.
If I had to be really honest, I would admit that I don’t really know how I feel about my mother-in-law. She has in her everything that I respect in a woman. She is strong, independent with a very adamant attitude. She knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. She has survived the death of four very close family members in the last decade. She has chosen to survive and survive on her own terms. When I look at her from a distance I have a lot of respect for the woman she is. It is when I have tried to get close that I begin to have my doubts. Sometimes I wonder what cost are we ready to pay, for the choices we make. Those choices define us and am not sure if I like those definitions.
If I had to be really honest, with myself that is, I would grieve. I am not going to, not because I am not allowed to, I just chose not to. People say loss of a loved one gets easier to bear as time passes by. I am not sure if that is entirely true. I hope it is. I am not sure if it is tough, because I chose to grow up and I was not ready for it.Perhaps I have been in denial. Perhaps I have not been able to tell people even when I was asked. Either way I am trying to find my coping mechanism and I am not going to apologize for it.