When the first phone call is all about a massive occurrence, with which your loved one and the treating physicians are dealing with, the natural thing to do would be to pray for a miracle. Pray for what is best for the loved one. As harsh as it may sound, sometimes what is in the best interest of your loved one, may not be what we as survivors might want or desire. But for that one moment, put your loved one’s need before your own. Making decisions with that frame of mind, makes living with yourself a lot easier.
One gets numb. Of emotion, of pain, of thought. The one person you should definitely reach out to in this state of mind is your boss. It is almost amazing, the clarity of thought that dawns upon you when you get the second phone call telling you about the demise of your loved one. Call the boss. Tell them what happened. How much time you need and sign off all your pending work to the colleague you don’t really trust. At a time like this, while the boss would understand or at least pretend to understand your plight, that colleague who you don’t really trust will do their best to show well in front of the boss. They will ensure all your work gets done while you are away, sometimes better than what you could have done in the first place. It all works out fine in the end.
Don’t try to understand people around you. Don’t even try to rationalize your own thoughts. Sometimes, and more so in instances where you have just lost the one you love, nothing is going to make sense. Even if people have the best intentions, they will rub you off on the wrong side. There is so much healing you need to go through, that don’t let yourself get affected.
Everyone grieves the loss of a loved one. Everyone remembers the one who is no longer amongst us. So many times we forget about the ones that are left behind. Someone needs to stand up for them. You need to realize that the one that has gone, really doesn’t care what we do. It is the ones that bear this person’s loss that need the most support. Sometimes, our rituals catered to help the soul depart in peace forget about the peace of the survivors. You need to ensure that you can be there for them.
It is okay to reach out to friends and family that you hope will understand you. It is okay if you want to shed a tear and have them comfort you. Because in all the above steps of my practical guide, you will have to forget about yourself for a while. Then when you see your support system, strong and happy in the place they currently occupy, it is okay not to shed that tear. It is okay to absorb that strength, to steal that smile. It is okay to tell yourself, they have done well in spite of their own loss, you will too. With everything that goes said unsaid, they are by your side.