Pratical guide to dealing with the loss of a loved one

When the first phone call is all about a massive occurrence, with which your loved one and the treating physicians are dealing with, the natural thing to do would be to pray for a miracle. Pray for what is best for the loved one. As harsh as it may sound, sometimes what is in the best interest of your loved one, may not be what we as survivors might want or desire. But for that one moment, put your loved one’s need before your own. Making decisions with that frame of mind, makes living with yourself a lot easier.

One gets numb. Of emotion, of pain, of thought. The one person you should definitely reach out to in this state of mind is your boss. It is almost amazing, the clarity of thought that dawns upon you when you get the second phone call telling you about the demise of your loved one. Call the boss. Tell them what happened. How much time you need and sign off all your pending work to the colleague you don’t really trust. At a time like this, while the boss would understand or at least pretend to understand your plight, that colleague who you don’t really trust will do their best to show well in front of the boss. They will ensure all your work gets done while you are away, sometimes better than what you could have done in the first place. It all works out fine in the end.

Don’t try to understand people around you. Don’t even try to rationalize your own thoughts. Sometimes, and more so in instances where you have just lost the one you love, nothing is going to make sense. Even if people have the best intentions, they will rub you off on the wrong side. There is so much healing you need to go through, that don’t let yourself get affected.

Everyone grieves the loss of a loved one. Everyone remembers the one who is no longer amongst us. So many times we forget about the ones that are left behind. Someone needs to stand up for them. You need to realize that the one that has gone, really doesn’t care what we do. It is the ones that bear this person’s loss that need the most support. Sometimes, our rituals catered to help the soul depart in peace forget about the peace of the survivors. You need to ensure that you can be there for them.

It is okay to reach out to friends and family that you hope will understand you. It is okay if you want to shed a tear and have them comfort you. Because in all the above steps of my practical guide, you will have to forget about yourself for a while. Then when you see your support system, strong and happy in the place they currently occupy, it is okay not to shed that tear. It is okay to absorb that strength, to steal that smile. It is okay to tell yourself, they have done well in spite of their own loss, you will too. With everything that goes said unsaid, they are by your side.

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12 Comments

Filed under A first, Camaraderie, Communication, Culture, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Faith, Fears, Friends, Issues, Life, Loss, Pain, People, Personal, Relationships, Sad, Society, Thoughts

12 responses to “Pratical guide to dealing with the loss of a loved one

  1. I am so sorry to hear this. This is beautifully written.

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  2. (This sound like it was added as an afterthought, but I absent-mindedly pressed post comment without thinking it through)

    I hope you are doing OK and may your loved ones rest in peace.

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  3. Sunrise:
    Thank you, I am okay. I hope they are okay too. πŸ™‚

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  4. I sincerely wish that no one ever finds oneself in a situation where they have to use this advice. I do agree with most of what you have written, though not sure of the timeline of thoughts.

    The best way to deal with any loss is not to rationalize it, doing that just leads you to denial. The best way to grieve is to let the feeling run its own course and yeah mourning is the ultimate rite of passage!

    Hope everyone always remains okay !

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  5. GreenSatya:

    Don’t you think you are wishing for something, you know everyone has to face at some point in their lives. We all have to experience the loss of a loved one. No one is spared of the cycle of life. As long as we are here, we are okay. Right?

    @ rationalize, I guess we are both saying the same thing?

    Not sure what you mean by time line of thoughts, please do explain.

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  6. Sigh… just also had posted some one post back..on the loss of a friend… its always harder for the ones left behind..

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  7. Don’t you think you are wishing for something, you know everyone has to face at some point in their lives. We all have to experience the loss of a loved one. No one is spared of the cycle of life. As long as we are here, we are okay. Right?
    +1

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  8. Pallavi: I know I read the entire post. It is hard.

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  9. Leah: I am not sure what you mean by +1..:)

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  10. So you asked me to read this post. I have read it. I am not entirely sure of the context. But one thing I noticed: Death. That’s the word that’s missing. In your post and in the comments.

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