I ponder over the card for a while. He senses my hesitation. I think and pause. I write and pause. I think again and I stop. He nudges, curious about my thoughts. I tell him, I am not sure. He asks me to keep positive. I mean well, it should be okay he says. But how. When I know better. There are no miracles to hold onto. She is not going to be a part of my life, no matter how hard I tried. I should anyway. I wonder if wishing happy birthday was right? Was it cruel? Given the circumstances. I have a battle raging in my head. I am unsure. Unsure of everything. Did I have enough time. I struggle. I seal the envelope and hope for the best. I know my card will reach just in time for her birthday. I want her to know, I am thinking of her. I have no expectations.
I get a call a day later. She has moved onto a better place. They are going to bury her on her birthday. Happy Birthday Jamie!