I decide to step out for a walk and coffee at the local deli. I go armed with an umbrella and a book. I know it is only going to be coffee but I feel compelled to take a book with me. The book was gifted to my husband. Then boyfriend. Happy 30th the message said. Wrong age. It felt bad that the book came from someone who knew so little about us. So the book was thrown away into a pile of gifts given with no thought into it. Like a gift that had no connection.
As I drink my second cup of coffee I am amused at how unique each cup is turning out to be. It is the same brew the same pot of milk and me. Yet the second cup is stronger and less sweet. I am enjoying this uniqueness and already thinking of the next cup and what I can possibly experience then.
I turn the page of my book. It is the 15th this time. Less then an hour and I am enjoying this book thoroughly.
My mind wanders . I think of the husband who must be planning for the next week. Work, home me, my family, himself. He has a lot on his plate. Did he know what he was getting into I wonder. Did he know what marriage would expect out of him? Does he miss being by himself? I want to give him his Sunday morning. I want him to drink his coffee at home and read his news paper. Like he used to. He knows why I have come out for a walk. He is letting me be the bigger better person that I am trying to be. I know he is planning our next weekend. I really hope he would find himself again.
I continue to read. I have some pancakes and fruit waiting to be devoured. Instead I reach out for my third cup.The book is a real laugh. I wonder why I didn’t read this book before. I make a mental note to remember to put it into my bag when I pack to leave for the week. I don’t want to go. I want to go. I don’t know any more. More has to come out of this staying away from home. I need to focus.
I devour the pancakes and fruit and my book. I think of a long lost friend. I know right now this person would need a friend. I know that this person would be battling emotions and practicality. I know I want to be that friend. I know that the friend needed is not me. It is sad but true. We have moved on. I know I have. I want to go back. Talk. Be there. Be supportive and understanding. I want to let go of my ego. I want to be the one to see this person through today and tomorrow. I also know it wont happen.
I continue to read the book. I get a call. I go home. I am happy to see my husband. I see the plate on the counter. I know he has had his brunch. I hope his was as tasteful as mine.