Life; a different kind just took over. No matter how well prepared one thinks they are, something stumps you in the end. Some good, some bad. It was interesting to note my varying responses to situations. I always thought I could deal with any situation put forth. While I did deal with them, I just didn’t do it the way I had envisaged I would. I made myself proud in some situations and in some I was just plain disgusted with the person I was. I still don’t know where that side of me was coming from, but I am aware that side exists.
I have done everything I can to put a stop to certain relationships. I don’t see the point in hanging onto people or memories that do nothing for me. However selfish this statement may sound, there is always an expectation out of any effort that one puts in. When the expectation is not met, there is only discomfort and pain to be felt. I do not have the courage in me to tell some people that I feel no connection with them. I do have it in me to let them go, so I can stop being hurtful with my indifference.
I have always known I am not perfect. Just like everyone else. Yet it bothers me when I am constantly reminded of my imperfections. Sometimes, it would be nice to be accepted just the way you are. It is only in the last few days that I have realized that even people who love you the most struggle with your imperfections. Worst is when they constantly remind you of their struggle. I think I am going to care less.
WordPress has changed while I was away. I am going to spend some time each day/ week rediscovering this wonderful platform of expression. I think I was happier when I wrote regularly. I miss writing, expressing, communicating. I miss being a part of the constant thought flow process.
I have huge milestones to cross. Professional ones. Personal life will have to take a back seat. Life has to be lived on priority basis. There is only so much one can do. A good friend once told me, ” you cannot make people around you happy, if you aren’t happy yourself”. I think I agree. There is only so much that makes me really happy. I think I will stick my guts to achieving that.
I know good things will come along for me in the new year. I hope the same for all of you.