My five year old niece is sleeping beside me. I am trying not to make too much noise as I type this post. I want her to have a good night rest. She and I have had a lot to deal with today.
I am frustrated I am not at home. Bombay. Sue me about the name but I wa born in Bombay. With my parents. I do not know what is going on there. One cannot know unless you breathe the same air. I am left to understand the situation by what news ( CNN, FOX, BBC) tells me, or what I read online. I am irritated at the conflicting news I am getting. I am annoyed that I don’t know enough to really comprehend what just happened.
The news channels have been allowed to create noise in this house. The house my niece feels very safe in. Her world consists of loving parents and occassional guests like me. I want my niece to see a world outside of this house. She is five. Is she old enough I wonder.
She asked me this morning, ” what if I was in Bombay in the same hotel that something bad has happened? I am pained.
I tell her I would hope what happened in Mumbai would never happen again. I remain frustrated. I don’t really know what happened. She pauses, smiles and asks me if all the people in the hotel had the chance to go away before the bad things happened. I don’t want to take away the glimmer of hope I see in her eyes; I tell her some people weren’t that lucky. She asks me if people died.
I don’t say anything. I am sad. I still am. I haven’t overcome the fact that she worries about being safe. What just happened to her? Does she know what death is? Can she comprehend it? Does she know what is that bad thing? Can she sense my frustration at pretending to be celebrating Thanksgiving when all I want to do is be back in Mumbai. In my city. Feel what my city feels, sense the pain, recongnise the fear, find some answers.
I should be angry right now. My niece has lost a part of her innocence. All I feel is sad. What are we thinking, and what world are we providing our children?
I want to know what just happened……….