The period that followed the 07 July bomb blasts in London, I went through a contradiction of belief system. I was constantly being told that all terrorism was being conducted by a certain sect of people. My bringing up insisted that because of a handful of people, the entire sect gets generalised. I should be informed enough to decide better.

I was torn between fear because of propaganda and the person that I wanted to be. Wise, opinionated but tolerant. Some times no matter how hard you try, cynicism does take over. A good friend then told me cynicism too was a choice.

I made a choice then. I chose to believe in my faith in good over evil. I constantly reminded myself of the childhood friends, good neighbours, the taxi driver who brought me home, the love I will feel but will never have.

I live in a city that takes pride in it’s cosmopolitan make up. Some people want to tar that. That makes content for another post probably for another blog. So in this huge city when every rickshaw walla refused to take me home one rainy evening I am a little perplexed when a young bearded man agrees. I take a look at his eyes. I am not sure what I am looking for, but I hop into his rickshaw, happy to be saved from the rain.

I wont deny fear, nor doubts. I sit still, confused at my own cynicism creeping in again. I try to fight the feeling. I have no reason to feel the way I do. But I do. I tell myself I am human. I am saddened at the constant excuse I give myself for being weak in my mind.

This young man brings me home, safe and sound. In 31 Rupees. Way below the amount I pay each day. I look at his eyes again. Disappointed in the reflection that I see in them. I tip him a fiver for being honest with the meter. He thanks me and drives away.

I did not have a proud moment, but my faith is restored. I might just turn out to be the person I was brought up to be.



Filed under A first, Communication, Confusion, Culture, Disappointments, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Facts, Faith, Fears, Issues, Life, People, Questions., Sad, Society, Thoughts

4 responses to “Cynicism

  1. I can understand..

    I remember during the kidnapping of RajKumar in Bangalore, we had riots and had to walk some 5 hours to home and there was this raging mob of 200 people fighting and throwing angry shots and people passing by.

    All had this angry face and beating up people.. I just had to cross and reach home.. Somehow I managed to reach that point.. and I asked for the police to help.. they refused to help me..

    It was this old traffic police who shielded me with his frail body and helped me.. That was brave and I was ever so grateful.. Sigh..

    Just when I thought and gave up on humanity, this man who often saw me go to office on my bike, helped me without thinking.. I could never thank god and that gentleman enough..


  2. D

    We live in a world that will not let us believe there’s good around. If someone is good for no selfish reason, we try to find an alterior motive where none exists. It’s not cynicism; it’s being twice shy once bitten!


  3. Pallavi:
    It is an enriching experience. Teaches one so much about one self. I am OK with my fears. I know I have the strength to do the right thing.

    Perhaps. Why do we not have the power to know better?


  4. Divya Khurana

    I dont know what to say….this issue is just so complex….You know a certain impression is just repeatedly being planted in our minds. The other day I read an article about India’s most wanted crimnals in I was surprised that all the 10-15 odd men named, were either muslims or sikhs.

    Which made me wonder whether our country is for the people of the majority sect? Why were there no Hindu names? I felt so because we all know that the 1984 genocide against the Sikhs and the Godhra genocide against the muslims was perpetrated by the majority community.
    It made me ashamed in a way. It made me doubt what I had learnt in my Civics classes. I often wonder do my fellow citizens belonging to other sects, have in a way, less rights in this country?


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