With my throat hurting, head pounding I was slipping into a state of drowsiness. A state which never promises pleasantness especially on an air plane. The feeling gets worse when the said trip is being made for what started off as a project some six weeks ago. It is moments like these that some soul searching becomes inevitable.
So why is it that I want to get married. Marriage isn’t about new clothes and independence from the clutches of one’s parents. Some thing women from two to three generations ago revealed to me was their understanding of marriage, then. At best it is about having a room mate I have signed a as-long-as-I-live-lease. Some one I can’t change based on disagreement over taste in music, preferred TV channels, friends we keep. A room-mate I would have to share my bed with who is probably a bigger hairier and snores, burps, farts believing it is just fine to do so.
This is what my hypothalamus in over-drive brain came up with. I want to get married to learn how to be happy. Happy sharing my breathing space with another human being. I want to learn to give more take less. I want to understand monosyllables and know which one means I am hungry or I need to sleep or just leave me alone. Just like my mum does. She has this knack of knowing which “hmm” coming from my dad means what. I want to make relationships. I want to be a wife and daughter-in-law, sister-in-law along with the thousand other relationships that come with it.
I want to have children and a dog and a home that I can call my own. I want to have memories of firsts, family holidays, sickness and health.
A friend rightly pointed out that I don’t need to be married to have a child. My inability to make a beautiful story out of insemination deters me from going down that route. What do I tell this child, about their coming into existence when there is no father in the picture. When I don’t know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn’t, how can I think it would be okay to have a father-less child.Would my child not deserve one.
When discussing family holidays, another friend suggested she doesn’t need a family of her own. She would be very happy tagging along the family of her friends. I questioned how long she would be welcome. To which she suggested that she would work hard enough to be rich and always welcome. She would work hard at being friends with understanding, broad-minded, non-judgemental people only. What ever rocks your boat, sweetie. For me a family of my own sounds more satisfying, not to mention less expensive.
I don’t think I have found all the answers. I don’t think I ever will. How ever I know I am ready to take the plunge. I know girls talk about their individuality, rights and division of labour. All that for another post. For now I have atleast some idea as to why I do want to get married.
ps: Comments on dot.come weddings have been responded to. Finally yeah!