The Why.

With my throat hurting, head pounding I was slipping into a state of drowsiness. A state which never promises pleasantness especially on an air plane. The feeling gets worse when the said trip is being made for what started off as a project some six weeks ago. It is moments like these that some soul searching becomes inevitable.

So why is it that I want to get married. Marriage isn’t about new clothes and independence from the clutches of one’s parents. Some thing women from two to three generations ago revealed to me was their understanding of marriage, then. At best it is about having a room mate I have signed a as-long-as-I-live-lease. Some one I can’t change based on disagreement over taste in music, preferred TV channels, friends we keep. A room-mate I would have to share my bed with who is probably a bigger hairier and snores, burps, farts believing it is just fine to do so.

This is what my hypothalamus in over-drive brain came up with. I want to get married to learn how to be happy. Happy sharing my breathing space with another human being. I want to learn to give more take less. I want to understand monosyllables and know which one means I am hungry or I need to sleep or just leave me alone. Just like my mum does. She has this knack of knowing which “hmm” coming from my dad means what. I want to make relationships. I want to be a wife and daughter-in-law, sister-in-law along with the thousand other relationships that come with it.

I want to have children and a dog and a home that I can call my own. I want to have memories of firsts, family holidays, sickness and health.

A friend rightly pointed out that I don’t need to be married to have a child. My inability to make a beautiful story out of insemination deters me from going down that route. What do I tell this child, about their coming into existence when there is no father in the picture. When I don’t know how to exist in a world where my dad doesn’t, how can I think it would be okay to have a father-less child.Would my child not deserve one.

When discussing family holidays, another friend suggested she doesn’t need a family of her own. She would be very happy tagging along the family of her friends. I questioned how long she would be welcome. To which she suggested that she would work hard enough to be rich and always welcome. She would work hard at being friends with understanding, broad-minded, non-judgemental people only. What ever rocks your boat, sweetie. For me a family of my own sounds more satisfying, not to mention less expensive.

I don’t think I have found all the answers. I don’t think I ever will. How ever I know I am ready to take the plunge. I know girls talk about their individuality, rights and division of labour. All that for another post. For now I have atleast some idea as to why I do want to get married.

ps: Comments on dot.come weddings have been responded to. Finally yeah!



Filed under Bonding, Culture, Decisions, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Faith, Friends, Men, People, Personal, Questions., Relationships, Resolutions, Society, Thoughts

12 responses to “The Why.

  1. You want to share your life – and celebrating this union in matrimony is great but you shouldn’t have to justify the reasons for it.

    I will add that I disagree with you regarding bringing up a child alone or travelling with friends etc – I think you should be comfortable and confident in your skin to face the world alone as there are no gurantees on life time unions. Whether you bring a child from artificial semination or adoption doesn’t take away the love and bond you have with that child, having a father figure is important however if this can’t be the case tehn it shouldn’t deter one from giving a child their maternal love. Would you rather supress your longings to love your own simply because you couldn’t marry?

    I’m happy to share my life with someone should that opportunity come along – however if it doesn’t i won’t stop living, i shall continue to live, will continue to build relations and i’ll continue to discpver myself.


    PS – hope you feel better soon x


  2. Sangeeta:

    At the outset I am really happy another woman has responded to my post.

    I have to know what are my reasons for pushing to get married. Some times one needs to be clear of the motive behind the act. This post is not a justification. It is a revelation of belief.

    Being comfortable in one’s own skin is another matter all together. Tagging along other people’s families when one doesn’t have it in them to build their is the issue at hand.

    While I agree, there are no guarantees in life I do believe that a balanced family includes a father and a mother in a child’s life. I don’t think I will go all out and create a imbalance in a baby’s life just to prove to the world how confident and capable I am. I am sure there are other ways to do that.

    Thanks for your wishes. I hope so too. The throat is the killer.


  3. waditi2001

    Sorry about the throat! These infections have a way to affect mind and make it feel worse!!

    And about the reason’s behind one’s actions, I think I got married to be with the guy who shared my dreams! The outlook on life! ‘Cos this guy will eventually become your best buddy! Aside from initial lurches in the stomach and wanting to run a million miles away it is totally worth it for cuddling up against someone every winter morning!!

    Cheeerio girl! Here’s hoping you would read these posts 5 yrs from now and will smile contentedly as to how well everythibng turned out!!


  4. waditi2001:
    I hope so too. 🙂 Thanks for your wishes and welcome to my blog.


  5. My ex-boss once told me that its best not to have people revolve around you even if its your spouse. A spouse should definitely make you happy but shouldn’t be the only thing that makes you happy. All the best lady! Hope the throat is ok now…


  6. Hey. I was just theorising recently that at some point in your twenties, you tend to feel this urge to get married. Maybe it’s seeing everyone else around you get married, or the panic that you might regret not doing so, when you’re old and alone. But a few relationships down the line, I’ve sort of come to realise that getting married just so you have this sense of companionship you might miss when you get older is sort of like having a mastectomy just in case you develop breast cancer! 🙂


  7. Grey Shades:
    I agree. Any way, I think we tend to have too many expectations from this one person. We expect his/her to be the good spouse, the good in-law, the best friend, the companion, the what have you. Add to that, the only reason that makes us happy is too much to deliver for that one person. Low expectations have been key to happiness for the longest time any way.

    Nandini Krishnan:
    The decision to get married is based on contemplation, pro and cons and may be panic based decisions. What ever might be the stage in life, the thought process can be wrong or unnecessary. How ever once we are settled in our minds with our reasons for making a decision I think it is easier to remain committed to it.

    Welcome to my blog. Your point has been taken and well. 🙂


  8. Decisions, decisions. Hopefully your list of good memories would just be bigger and better. And your reasons will change, tomorrow you could be telling another friend the same stuff with better insight 🙂


  9. D

    It’s wonderful to be living with the person you love, to be with him for better or for worse. But having been married 4 years, I know marriages are about so much more than that. And the “so much more” bit isn’t always romantic!


  10. hey…all the best for the journey u are about to embark upon!
    even i want to get married…hopefully i will in 5 mnths! and i agree with all the reasons uve given. its all a part of life…maybe thats how nature intended it to be..and in some cases its better to be traditional i guess!


  11. A good marriage can bring in lot of happiness.. some not even explainable.. it has its trails and tribulations but thats what makes it so interesting. .
    I would highly recommend this institution to you .. and all the best.. 😉

    Dont worry about the Why.. Just do it .. !! And then reap the benefits.. and do not be blind at the cons at the same time.. 🙂


  12. Rohit:
    I sure hope so.

    Oh yeah I have heard enough horror stories to know it isn’t all romantic. But then nothing in life is. So!

    Being traditional isn’t the same as resigning to fate. As long as one is clear on that one, I think we are good.

    Thank you. 🙂 I will remember your words. I know I will be happier doing so.


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