I am not sure what one calls this feeling.
I gave away my stupidity. I exposed my weakness with my own bare hands. I have left myself vulnerable for at least a day. I have forced myself to relive pain, and anguish which will ultimately lead to anger, more pain and anguish.
I have done this single handedly.
Embarrassment is the emotion that comes to mind. Is it an emotion. A state of being. Can I laugh it off. Tell myself, people do silly things all the time.
Especially when they are unstable. This is an act of instability. Can people see that? Is that how much I have scratched the surface.
What is worrying is that I can’t help but laugh. I did envisage that moment I just had. One in which for once I would have an upper hand. But not to be.
You pay for being sensitive, emotional,unstable. You pay for being yourself. I think I am going to chose laughter over embarrassment. At least some one has got to have fun.