A moment of weakness.

I really want to respond to all the recent comments made. I want to thank all those of you who read what I wrote and wrote what they felt. How much ever I appreciate considering my writing as a potent artform I am but human with real emotions. I prefer conversation over a mere look and nod. Not necesaarily personal but conversation nontheless.

With life not taking the course it was meant to take I find myself at a loss of words cheer poetry or prose. Thence the lack of posts, phone conversations or urge to chat. I realised my reclusive self was becoming a problem when my parents left a voice message asking me if they could get an appointment to speak with me.

I have trouble realising that people are people and that I have to stop keeping them on a pedestle. The higher I keep them, the farther they will fall. Disappointment is inevitable. Do I  have control over it?

For a person who maintains a blog on a public domain, claiming to be a private person comes across as a lie. With the risk of repeating myself, a person isn’t what they tell you they but what they aren’t telling you, they are. Such an existence can be stiffling. I know I find myself there at times.

Time is the one thing I need and I don’t have. A past mistake has reappeared. Only uglier this time. A good friend cannot be more hypocritical. I find myself unable to forgive forget dissociate. I have an induration I really shouldn’t have.I have been deleting phone numbers from my phone which I never wanted to. I am  cold at 17 Degrees F. I miss being cared for thought of yearned about. I think I am allowed a  moment of weakness.

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13 Comments

Filed under Camaraderie, Communication, Disappointments, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Fears, Friends, Issues, Life, Pain, People, Personal, Rants, Resolutions, Sad, Society, Thoughts, Wishes

13 responses to “A moment of weakness.

  1. Everyone is allowed a moment of weakness!
    I don’t know you, but I’m thinkng of you and sending good thoughts your way!
    Take care!

    Margie

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  2. Margie:
    Thank you. Welcome to my blog.

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  3. EU

    Contrary to traditional advice, permit me to say that you should make the most of the moment of weakness. You are totally entitled to your moment of weakness. Do not dilute it with make-believe cheerfulness ’cause the cheerfulness meant to fool the others eventually also fools you into forgetting the cause of your lack of cheer.

    Puhplease deal with the problem fully and without the crutch of an artificial smile which means only denial not dealing. I know this is easier said than done and many of us (me especially) just get tired of being sad and then get back to being cheery without ever dealing with the underlying issue. If you can, please deal with it rather than just cheering up and then hoping the problem disappears on its own.

    As for the fall from pedestal image, I immediately recall lines from Meena Kumari (who else but the Queen of Tragedy for the sad times):

    ablapa koi is dasht main aya hoga
    warna andhi main diya kis ne jalaya hoga

    zarre zarre pe jadey honge kunware sajde
    ek ek but ko Khuda us ne banaya hoga

    pyas jalte huye kanton ki bujhai hogi
    riste pani ko hatheli pe sajaya hoga (*love this line too*)

    mil gaya hoga agar koi sunahari patthar
    apna tuta hua dil yad to aya hoga

    khun ki chhinte kahin poch na len rehron se
    kis ne wiraane ko gulzar banaya hoga

    The process of trying to place each ‘but’ (statue) on a pedestal and making it a ‘khuda’ is perhaps foolish, but what to do? We are like that only! :-/

    Revel in your moment of weakness and feel as sad as you need to before coming back to all of us. We will wait!

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  4. Satya

    Hmm, it hurts to have past mistakes re-appearing but it happens to most of us. What to do about them ? Everyone is human, and it happens.

    Atleast we should take the remedial steps a bit early with each mistakes.

    Good Luck

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  5. Shankari:
    You are very kind with your attention and words and intent. Thank you. Writing this post was part of dealing with the weakness and not being in denial of it.

    Satya:
    True. More about past mistakes soon.

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  6. break the pedestal – that’s the control!

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  7. Gaizabonts:
    For self improvement we all need some thing better and worthy to look upto. I can break pedestles to excercise control but how do I find the motivation or insight into improvement. I think we all need standards and when we realise that the standard we thought existed was but a mere mirage it is disheartening.

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  8. Pingback: भगवान बना ने वाले « ठेले पे हिमालय

  9. A beeeg hug!! I know a virtual one isnt very comforting but nonetheless that should help a little bit atleast. And what you did in that moment would decide if it was weakness or otherwise.

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  10. Grey Shades:
    Been a while since some one gave me even a virtual one. So thank you. 🙂

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  11. the imperfections of your existence mirror mine. and a thousand around us. i would indulge you (and your blog) because i think i will be able to hold a conversation with you. over silences. over cups of adrak chai. over ex-lovers.

    i was reprimanded yesterday by a close friend for exposing my vulnerability (albeit in parts) in a public forum. you don’t respect yourself, she said. and much as i want to i cannot agree with her. you are objective about yourself and your imperfections, whatever they may be. and so am i.

    it’s just that some have the courage to get it out and face it. some forever bury it internally. both might be okay. both might be stifling.

    enjoy your moment of weakness when it lasts. we will have a good laugh about it later.

    till then.

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  12. the imperfections of your existence mirror mine. and a thousand around us. i would indulge you (and your blog) because i think i will be able to hold a conversation with you. over silences. over cups of adrak chai. over ex-lovers.

    i was reprimanded yesterday by a close friend for exposing my vulnerability (albeit in parts) in a public forum. you don’t respect yourself, she said. and much as i want to i cannot agree with her. you are objective about yourself and your imperfections, whatever they may be. and so am i.

    it’s just that some have the courage to get it out and face it. some forever bury it internally. both might be okay. both might be stifling.

    enjoy your moment of weakness when it lasts. we will have a good laugh about it later.

    till then.

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  13. Phish:
    Both clarity and reality evade me. The more I try to know and understand the less I do. I write so I can pen down what I feel. Some people talk. Some write poems. Other’s smoke or go bungee jumping. To each his own methinks. As long as one loves/ respects themselves and does the best they can I don’t think one needs to care of what other’s think. No matter how well meaning they are.

    Thanks, I love conversations and then I do well with silences too with or without coffee.Some day!

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