Lost.

Rant/ Sad… You have been warned.

It has been over 18 months I have had to actually get up to an alarm clock. I blank out for a few minutes, wondering what exactly I should be doing.

I was very excited to be where I am. I had totally forgotten why I hated it as much. The realisation is slow and painful.

Friends I were to make, have made it very clear they hate me already. I doubt there is a point in even making an acquaintance.

I am hung on a person I don’t even want to be with. The tug of war between my head and heart leaves me jaded and sad.

I am where I insisted to be. Not exactly where I wanted to be. It is hard to appear happy. I am tired of smiling.

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10 Comments

Filed under Communication, Confusion, Disappointments, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Fears, Friends, Goal, Issues, Life, Motivation, Pain, People, Personal, Rants, Relationships, Resolutions, Thoughts, Wishes

10 responses to “Lost.

  1. any realisation is slow and painful. the defense mechanism takes a little while to settle in. to kickstart. and the damage is seemingly irreparable. my tug of war started a while back and now that i have lived through it, i know what it happens to us for.

    we need to walk through a few walls. to disintegrate only to form again. sometimes the impact is harder than we imagined it to be. but trust me the harder it is, the harder we get back. i am glad you are writing all this. pain keeps you focussed. and helps you not make the same mistakes.

    though i have had no such luck. i wish you would bounce back fast.
    and while you are at it, have an ice cream.

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  2. Hey gal,
    hard times dont last forever, they merely help us emerge stronger and wiser…and enjoy the good times that will follow…..
    you’ll be fine, i’m sure of it….you’re one of the strongest people i know..

    and remember, out of sight is NOT out of mind……some friends will always remain very dear..no matter what the distance…..so dont forget old friends..

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  3. Actually if we never got lost there would be no fun in being found again…or finding again for that matter.

    Keep finding yourself – cheers!

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  4. Hey, so don’t. Stop smiling if you don’t want to. Then when one day you would suddently want to, it’ll have a whole new meaning 🙂

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  5. Hey as long as you are your own person, its ok to change your mind (and heart) occasionally. 😉

    Chill (which may not be the best advice to give in this weather, but just take care.

    (((HUGS)))

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  6. Sending you best wishes from Colorado for a wonderful day!

    Margie

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  7. Sending best wishes from Colorado for a wonderful day!
    Hope you are feeling better!
    Life is not always easy!

    Margie

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  8. Margie:
    Thank you. Good to see you here. Keep spreading the cheer.

    Shankari:
    When the acountability to one self dwindles is when the real doubts penetrate. Working on being cool with that too. Weather not withstanding. 🙂

    Rohit:
    What do you do when smiling is one of your best defence mechanisms.

    Jolvin:
    The fun is there when the hope is intact. Some times that too is hard to find.

    LazyLeo:
    Good to know.

    Phish:
    While ice-cream sounds like a good idea, I have been bouncing away. But where are you?

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  9. A map is of no use if you don’t know where ye are…so like robert frost said blah blah blah…is a phase…

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  10. White Magpie:
    So I have experienced.

    Like

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