Will power

I’ve been resisting the urge to make a phone call. Since yesterday. I was ill all of yesterday. So depression came along with it. When one hits low they want to talk to whom they think, will make them the happiest. Well the one who would have made me the happiest is not for me to call. Principally.

So I am being strong willed. The urge isn’t so much to talk, but to know, if my call will be received. The response has been sporadic in the past and hence the uncertainty.

Doesn’t help, that people I know well will be interacting with the said person through work. Difficult position to be in. Cannot tell them what to do. Cannot tell them why. Principally.

Doing the right thing by others can get tiresome. Doing the right thing by your self is so much harder.



Filed under Communication, Decisions, Disappointments, Emotions, Environment, Expectations, Experiences, Friends, Life, Love, Men, Pain, People, Personal, Rants, Relationships, Thoughts

14 responses to “Will power

  1. you write what perhaps, has been in my head for the last million years. and the urge is never to talk. it is to hear. to look out for the slightest quiver, to sense the littlest give away of emotion, to feel the coldest warmth, to hear the unsaid. and make happy little stories for the next 24 hours.

    illnesses have always made us more vulnerable. especially if you are alone. you remind me a lot of me. and i don’t know if that is a good thing. if this place is a good place. though, if its worth anything, i didn’t listen to others and went ahead and made the call.

    this reminded of something i wrote sometime back. find it here.


  2. Phish:
    I have done the waiting. I now know better.

    I am not sure how healthy it is for some one to bring back the pain in your life. Even if that is through a blog, written para or words expressed. Our contexts would be different but some where deep down the feeling is the same.

    I have indulged in those calls. The messages have been clear. I still yearn. What to do. I am trying to find out.


  3. In moments like this, I look for distractions. A new hobby perhaps. Or better yet, a new person who can make me happier. Hope you’ll get out of this tough situation soon.


  4. hold the fort soldier


  5. Abaniko:
    That is good advice. I learnt how to knit to deal with this one. 🙂

    Going strong, Sir! 😀


  6. try expletives – they help. 🙂


  7. Jolvin:
    Ha ha! So you say. 🙂



  8. I have left this phase… but I know the pain. I felt the pain. I may be in a different situation to you, but I understand your feelings. And believe me when I say I understand. My blog post where I said I was leaving – all to do with this. The urge to express yourself to someone whom you know will understand your expressions…. and whom you can’t express to at the same time. It also doesn’t help that my friend keeps talking about him.

    Oh well. Life goes on. Doesn’t seem like it now, but it will and it does, as usual. Distractions are really good, really, really good. Have you ever tried volunteer work? 🙂


  9. Sunrise:
    Hmm, I am sorry you have to go through what you did. But remember you should be the most important to yourself. Shit happens, life goes on. It is the choices you want to make, and will make that should have bearing to your emotions not what some one else did or said.


  10. 😦 i get you.

    kind of feeling depressed now myself


  11. Yes, self-care can be very difficult.


  12. Nick:
    But it is the most important I believe.


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