E-1

Hi Divorcee,

Writing to wish you a very Happy Christmas and an even better year.

There is so much I want to say to you. But we are almost at the end of this year and I doubt that I will ever get a chance to speak with you.I am going to tell you everything that is on my mind. I have to. I don’t know who else to tell.

At this point in time you can chose whether you want to go ahead and read this mail or just ignore me. Suit yourself.

I feel stupid for trying so hard to socially interact with you. Of course I enjoy your company. The fact that you are a resident which puts you in a much better position in life career wise totally seduced me. Not realising once that you had made your intentions really clear. You did strike under the cover of inebriation. Or so you intended to. And here I have been harping on friendship. Juvenile. I agree.

I have yo-yoed in my mind and gone crazy wondering if I was being stupid with no self respect what so ever or was I not being considerate enough to the fact that you have just gone through an emotionally traumatic experience.Principally I think you have to deal with your own issues in life. So I shouldn’t have to bear the brunt of your hurting self. I was upset that I had to and so never thanked you for wishing me on my birthday. How ever I appreciate you caring enough to do so.

I am disappointed that we couldn’t hang out together. I am sad that you didn’t feel the freedom to be yourself when around me. I think of you often and wonder if things could have been different between us. Who knows another day, another place they could have.

If you have survived this far, thanks for giving me the time. You have been very helpful and patient with me. Talking to you always instils hope that things will turn out fine in my life.Probably why I like talking to you so much.

I am not going to make promises of not contacting you again. When I hit the panic button I tend to call you. But I will try.

Bye for now. Happy holidays.

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13 Comments

Filed under Abstract, Communication, Dating, Disappointments, Emotions, Expectations, Experiences, Men, People, Personal, Rants, Relationships

13 responses to “E-1

  1. dangerous post to comment

    What does E stand for?

    Like

  2. Mowgli:
    Why dangerous? Pray do tell. I am sure you have an opinion on the subject matter. It would be good to know what.

    Next post will tell you what E stands for.

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  3. Sangeeta

    A personal entry – it’s difficult to comment on this but it’s even difficult to let it go unnoticed

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  4. Sangeeta:
    Not all that personal once I decided to post it on the internet. It is just one possible emotion. May be some body else will identify with me and know exactly what to say. 🙂

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  5. Pingback: To Phish of the fish. « SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS

  6. its dangerous because its personal … prone to be misunderstood.

    as long as exchanges are mature and friendly it shd be ok. time will do rest.

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  7. Mowgli:
    Dangerous path to tread upon you mean. Oh well! Mature and friendly wont need for time to do the rest. 🙂

    E stands for emotions.

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  8. “I am disappointed that we couldn’t hang out together. I am sad that you didn’t feel the freedom to be yourself when around me. I think of you often and wonder if things could have been different between us. Who knows another day, another place they could have.”

    Hit the nail on the head, EU… the reason for my ‘Bye Bye Blog’ post… thank you for the comment on my blog, by the way… it has not gone unnoticed.. I just didn’t want to reply to it there.

    I don’t know the story behind your writing down these words, but they fit my thoughts so, so perfectly right now. Thank you. You were right in the comment you left to someone – “May be some body else will identify with me..”

    As for knowing exactly what to say – I have not a clue! My thoughts are… and believe you me I have been thinking a lot !… these thoughts will keep spinning round and round so much in your head that, one day, you will just decide to let them fly… set them free and they may come back to you on a much happier day. You never know. You really, really don’t know what the future holds. You may not even want them to come flying back to you any more, after life has forced you to move on. But who knows? Time will tell, right? One day, one sweet, sweet beautiful day… you will smile and let these thoughts fly away from you. You will stop holding on to them with all your might… just allow yourself to and it will be possible.

    But those are my thoughts only.. I hope they have been of some use lol… 🙂

    Sunrise

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  9. Sunrise:
    Letting go is not holding on. Holding on to that hope of a glimpse,a phone call. a chance meeting. You let go and breathe free. And yes it does take a lot of effort but eventually we all get there.

    I wasn’t looking for you to respond to my comment. I was just hoping for you to know that you aren’t alone or unheard. I am very glad you are back.

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  10. Duhita

    Ooops how did I miss this one?

    Like

  11. in response to my post, both the Es are numbing. this one, even more so, because it says everything that i want to say, without the allegorical attempts to disguise true emotions. and i feel the need to do so to temper my writing, if anything.

    reading something so raw was humbling. and yet comforting to know and to learn that i am not unique. nor is my affliction. there is a need and yet we dont somehow want it to be fulfilled.

    not any more anyway.

    Like

  12. Phish:
    Growing up, I guess. Dunno will find out. Thank you for your kind words and attention. 🙂

    Like

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