I finally know why I am still single.

Growing up, I felt that most of the female protagonists were highly successful, ambitious and top of their league people. To get the best man in the room you had to be the best yourself. In any book, novel, movie or play. She is always the smartest, funniest, most accomplished and always the head of the science field if you read the books that I read. I got that. I even believed in it. I even attempted at being the best in the room. Not only to ensure I landed with the smartest, most ambitious, funniest, awesome-ist man, but because that is how I wanted to be.

I have how ever come to realise that is precisely the reason I am still single.

I find it really hard to make small talk, or laugh at some thing I don’t find funny. Listening to ignorant conversation or some one who has no opinion over anything is suicidal. For e.g. when I asked some one what he loved the most about New York after living there for 4 years. He told me the Subway. I thought fair enough. What else? He could come up with nothing.

I am not writing a male bashing post here. But I am of age where dating is rampant and the search for a partner slightly pressured due to advancing age and the proverbial biological clock. OK fine it isn’t proverbial, the clock is an actual concept. I have 6 years, by when I am sure medical science would have developed further and it wouldn’t matter. My point being there are girls like that too. They could probably rattle off addresses of every Macy’s in New York and know nothing about Ellis Island. How ever I find that women are still judged by how pretty they can look over the smart conversations they can make

My obvious choice for men are the ones who I can’t be with. It is the challenge I crave. Come on the chase is a universal rush. How ever if only I had read some Mills and Boons or the likes I would be better equipped to tell a guy who is a challenge from the one who is just not into me.If only indeed.

So here I am meeting with random men, talking to absolute strangers searching a partner on dating sites. It is tedious, boring and until now a huge waste of time. I shudder to think I might get reduced to settling for some one rather than being with some one I would actually want to.

Oh well, other than “you will find some one when the time is right”, (because if there hasn’t been a right moment in 29 years I wonder if there will ever be one) if you have any view points, suggestions, numbers of eligible bachelors, you know it is time to hit the key board.Β  πŸ˜‰

Have a nice week you all.

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45 Comments

Filed under Dating, Expectations, Issues, Men, People, Rants, Relationships, Society, Thoughts

45 responses to “I finally know why I am still single.

  1. My suggestion is to throw the clock out the window and be confident in what you know you want. Many of us don’t know who we are, so how are we going to let you know? If you take the time to really discover us then you might find one of us worth keeping. If you listen to that clock, you might just wake up a little too early and discover that the man you took to your house last night isn’t the same man who woke up this morning; and that does neither of you any good. Good luck on your journey.

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  2. Amen to this post! I completely hear you. As for the laughing at something that isn’t funny: fuck it! Don’t! Why laugh at something that can’t inspire you to laugh? I never do. I only do when I truly feel compelled biologically to smile or laugh. If you’re always laughing at something that isn’t funny and constantly lying to yourself that this person is interesting and has a good sense of humor, what would happen if you convince yourself that this is the right person for you? You’ll be miserable. Just wait it out. And so what if you never find the right person? Be happy with whatever life gives you. That’s just my opinion.

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  3. Notfrommars:
    Very succinct. Thanks,thanks and thanks. Also welcome to my blog.

    Amkii:
    Hmmm, never find the right person. Hadn’t considered that option. Welcome to my blog. πŸ™‚

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  4. Get rid of the sword of Age hanging over your head…take it one day at a time…sometimes that works πŸ™‚

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  5. lol Didn’t mean it to be an ass, sorry. πŸ˜‰ Seriously, who cares if they never get married? I guess a lot of people do, but I can’t see what the big problem is. πŸ™‚

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  6. I overheard a guy saying: “I don’t like dumb girls, and smart girls don’t like me” … you seem to have same problem πŸ™‚

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  7. i am in a place where i am closer to thinking what ‘notfrommars’ said above.

    who is *eligible* anyway? eligibity is more relative that the word “relative” itself, and the word “perfect” was invented to prove it doesn’t exist πŸ™‚

    it’s either about waiting for the mental model we create for ourselves, or loving what we can love. if i were you, i’d be glad that M&B never figured in defining who-is-who. lesser probability of passing judgment.

    if you go by M. Teresa’s words, “If you judge people, you have no time to love them”, then that applies here too.

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  8. Edu….Suggestion? Maybe my wife could’ve given one–she has gone through this—but finally she found me, ain’t it? πŸ˜‰
    Agree with Amkii–What’s the big deal about it? Seriously. I know people who plan and worry about the daughter’s marriage, when she’s still 4 or 5.
    I’d say, take a deep breath and enjoy the drama. You’ll laugh at this phase in hindsight.

    Btw, got a tag for you at my blog. πŸ™‚

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  9. Jovlin:
    I tell myself that often. I am hoping that part of me is listening.

    Amkii:
    I am not talking about marriage. I am talking of finding some one I want to be with. Be me with.

    Mowgli:
    “Seem” being the imperative word. No guy has been smart enough to fathom what exactly he is missing from his life. πŸ˜›

    Gaizabonts:
    Eligible = available, single ready to mingle.
    Not looking for perfect. Adding words to my post are we?
    Not judging anyone. Just deciding who and what in them can I learn to love.

    Vishwa:
    Again, not worried about tying the knot.Not worried at all. Curious to know how people find the so called right people. Thanks for the tag. Been a while will get to it.

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  10. So if you’re not looking for marriage, are you just looking for a friendship? Surely you have close friends, then. I assumed you meant eventual marriage.

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  11. Why would it have to lead to eventual marriage. She’s just talking about finding someone she can truly be intimate and herself with. Someone who will challenge her mind and inspire her heart. Something way more than friends. And it’s hard to find those kind of people.

    Not to put words in your mouth, e&e.

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  12. Greensatya

    Hmm, what do I know about all these ?

    *sigh*

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  13. Amkii:
    Assumptions, assumptions. πŸ˜€

    Notfrommars:
    And where have you been hiding all this time???
    What does e&e stand for?

    Satya:
    *Sigh*

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  14. LOL. I kept reading your name as educated AND employed, hence e&e…that’s what I get for trying to be smart. And it’s hilarious that you ask where I’ve been. I just wrote a post on my blog about that on Sunday.

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  15. Notfrommars:

    “Why would it have to lead to eventual marriage. She’s just talking about finding someone she can truly be intimate and herself with. Someone who will challenge her mind and inspire her heart. Something way more than friends.”

    Is that not eventual marriage? So you mean she wants to always date and never marry? That’s fine with me, but talk of dating, partners, and ‘more than friends’ leads to marriage, in my book, and I would have thought by most people’s books as well. Who wants to date forever and never marry? Isn’t that the point of dating?

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  16. Amkii, it could lead to marriage, but just because you find someone who fits you well at first doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way. Right now she just seems to be in the find mode, and according to her post, it doesn’t seem like she’s finding much, so marriage is out of the picture for now. And to answer your questions, plenty of people who don’t want to be tied by the burdens of marriage would rather date than marry. And the point of dating could be marriage, but it doesn’t have to be. If that’s in your book, that’s great, but in the library of life, there are many other books out there too.

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  17. Yes, but considering most marriages were brought on by dating and not just randomly spotting someone on the street and deciding to get married…that would seem to be the point of dating, according to what I would think would be most people.

    “plenty of people who don’t want to be tied by the burdens of marriage would rather date than marry” – For all their lives? At some point, one is bound to either marry or not, or at least stop dating. I guess, unless, that person was extremely determined to date until they died.

    “the point of dating could be marriage, but it doesn’t have to be.” – What are some other reasons for dating? Dating will eventually conclude who you want to spend your life with (marriage or union), right? Surely it is not to make friends…otherwise, I would have to have ‘dated’ all my female friends and male friends…that’s why there’s a distinction between dating and making friends.

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  18. Amkii, let’s agree to disagree here. Your eyes seem to be very focused on the destination; I tend to want to enjoy the scenery on the way there.

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  19. Sounds good. I like your metaphors. πŸ™‚

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  20. But I’d like to hear from the author as to what exactly she does mean by her post, just for curiosity’s sake. Does she mean she’s looking for someone to casually date right now and not have it turn into anything (or potentially it might, later on)?, or does she mean she’s looking for someone to be good friends with?, or does she mean she’s looking for love and a more-than-potential marriage (“search for a partner slightly pressured due to advancing age and the proverbial biological clock”)? I’m just wondering, because this post intrigues me.

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  21. I am very pleased to have sparked off a debate. I enjoy exchange of ideas. How ever lets not forget we all have our own windows through which we see the world out side. We all have different ideas and ideations as to how one should or ought to lead their own lives. Unfortunately not every one follows are own way and when that is understood I think we would develop a slightly more tolerant society, let alone comment space on my blog. πŸ˜‰

    Have fun and thanks again for dropping by.

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  22. Amkii: Thanks for wanting to know what I really feel and want. Once determined and decided upon I shall let you know. I am still walking down this lane that I don’t know much about. Right now I plan to sit by every inviting coffee shop and take a sip. I might just find the right blend. πŸ™‚

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  23. that seems like a fairly good idea…
    kiss the frogs to find ur prince πŸ˜‰

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  24. If anyone interpreted my comments as me forcing my views and opinions on anyone else, I apologize, but that is not the way I meant my comments. I’m mentioning my views, but not saying that everyone should be that way too. I’m saying what I interpreted your post to mean and how I think most people would tend to think or act, not what everyone should think, or how anyone else should interpret your post, or how anyone should act. Perhaps my way of speaking isn’t clear; I apologize again; I am not a native speaker of English!

    EU, trying a bit of everything sounds like a good plan. Your post and reply still baffle me in some ways, though. lol Oh well. πŸ˜‰ I enjoy a good debate as well! Interesting to hear others’ opinions!

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  25. Lady!
    been hovering around for a while… and well this post strikes home so poignantly πŸ˜‰
    could almost be the reflection of my thoughts too, being in an almost similar position. yes and i wish @ the mills and boons!
    I’ve no idea whether the ‘advice’ are of any use… i prefer sailing smoothly ahead, trying to bother the least.

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  26. La Louvre:
    Welcome to my blog. Once you figure it out. Please do share.

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  27. The last but one para and a coupla lines from the last one are so true!

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  28. Grey Shades:
    And who do we have here. Long time no see. Nice to know you still agree with the things I say.

    Like

  29. Chinmaya

    The problem with you is that u think u are too darn special and beyond the reach of ordinary people. While if u really look at it ….u r a…….!!

    And u preach a lot thru your blogs….which is a good sign that you are fake

    Like

  30. Chinmaya:
    You possibly cannot be a spammer. You must be for real. Do you just go around spewing so much anger and hatred or is this personal. Your name doesn’t ring a bell and you have left no URL for me to track you down.

    Any way so your interpretation of me and my blog is definitely an angle I could think about. May be even discuss. Is that your intention? I look into me and wonder what a scum I am?

    Or you just some random phenomenon?

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  31. It certainly has been eons! But I wont give up reading this blog πŸ™‚

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  32. Grey Shades:
    Wow, thank you.

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  33. jenny

    As for me, I hate good boys

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  34. It’s funny how much we obcess over still being single. It seems to be like water to a fish. My experience as a Spiritual Counselor and Reader is that there’s only one of three reasons that anyone is still single and that’s is the topic of my new book – “Still Single? WHY?!?”

    Cheers,
    Terry

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  35. KT

    I finally know why I am ALSO still single … I had the most similar traits to you but the opposite sex … and I agree with you too (with a laugh here … haha, r we just too fussy, i dunno). I did have had my own “right” moments after 26yrs but the fact is > its the most “wrong” moments for others … hope you have a nice days ahead. Cheers !

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  36. KT:
    Welcome to my blog. πŸ™‚

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  37. Sonal

    I loved reading this article, it’s my own true reflection. I can never be arsed to laugh at a joke which i find bogus and not worth. What’s the point? ( you can blame my age), lol I agree totally if in 31 years the right time has not come, then what’s the gurantee it will ever come….can’t be an optimistic 24*7 can I?
    Oh well….lol am glad am not the only one single out there, and cursing myself for not have read “mills and boons” lol

    have a great day!

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  38. Sonal:
    Thanks, and welcome to my blog. I am not so single anymore. :))

    Like

  39. Pingback: 2010 in review « SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS

  40. Lesley

    Hello and welcome to my world:D 31 and perpetually single, having been the wing woman for most of my female friends, now they are all married with kids. My nights out have diminished and turned to days out with other peoples kids, fun as they can be, they do’nt do much for my situation:D I haven’t even started the career I want yet. . where did the time go? We’ll i’m off to the gym which is full of women (mums) followed by a dvd (on my own) and a whole share bag of minstrels to myself. . at least there is one bonus:D

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  41. Lesley:
    Wow, you found an old one. This is a good reminder of where I used to be. Now that I have been married for over 2 years, it was good to remind myself, how my life has changed. I am no authority about relationships. But here is what I can tell you; you will find what you are looking for if you look in the right places. So chin up and go for what you truly believe in.

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  42. Det-Res,

    Wow. Did you write this when you were 29? I am 23 now and wow, I can relate to *every* word you have said. I don’t mind the small talk, but after a while, I can’t stand it. And I desperately crave interests, drive, ambition in men (oh, and good spelling!), someone who has (like you wonderfully said) *an* opinion on something. I completely agree – it surely is mental suicide when a guy has little to no interests in anything, especially when I love thinking (it’s no coincidence my blog is called ‘Lost in Thoughts’… :P) and having CONVERSATIONS, damnit!

    I know you are joyfully married now, and I hope you have found everything this post mentions in him. πŸ™‚

    Thank you for writing this, I read this (trust me) at a very apt time. I saw a Facebook picture/quote thing today which said, ‘I don’t write to make others change their opinion, I write because I want others who share my opinion to know they are not alone.’ and it really struck a chord with me. Your blog post did *just* that for me today, let me know I am not the only one seriously craving something and someone meaningful! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

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    • Hey Sunrise, looks like you were lurking on a very old post. Yeah it almost seems like a lifetime ago when I wrote this post. I don’t think we ever get everything we ever want in any sphere of life. The questions is what do we do with what we have/get. I didn’t settle in life, and I am very happy at the choices I did make. I am sure you will too.

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  43. The Truth Speaks

    Well with most of the single women these days that are such pathetic losers to begin with certainly explains it all since they usually go with the bad boy type of guys that really treat them rotten anyway since most of them do deserve it as well. Most women have such a very bad personality and are so stuck up as well since they don’t even have respect for us real good men anymore since they use very bad language against us men many of times when we will try to start a normal conversation with them.

    Like

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