With a whole afternoon to spare I decided to go to Delhi Haat. There are several small stores essentially selling clothes from different parts of the country.There is also a food court that provides with popular foods from different parts of the country.A lot of times there are theme based exhibitions going on.This week was celebrating women.Ugh! An issue I really don’t understand but Delhi Haat was colourful, vibrant, busy and very entertaining.
As I walked stall to stall I started to think of my best friend. I often think of her. I miss her.I miss the girl I once knew.The girl who had painstakingly made cards for me when our friendship was just blossoming.Who has heard me talk hours on end.Who taught me French when I was weak in the language.Who wasn’t embarassed about being possesive about me when I got close to one of her own friends.Who shared my passion of becoming a doctor.Who seemed more proud of me than I had ever felt about me.Who has always given a patient and non-judgemental ear to me.Who has always been the more mature and forgiving between the two of us. Who always did the right thing.Who made the effort to come and meet me when I was in England.Who most of my family think is my family.
Living in separate countries for almost 12 years now there is a lot of obvious physical distance between us.That day in Delhi Haat I thought of the huge gap in thought and emotions that was not so obvious.I wasn’t with her when she graduated. I was not the one to give her hugs and hear her cry over her first heart break.We did not try our first alcoholic drink together.We have never taken a trip together.I have never been around to celebrate her success.I haven’t been one of those friends she talks about when she has had a galla time with ‘her friends’.
I wanted to buy her some thing.Some thing worth her big day that awaits her.I don’t know what she likes.Has she grown to enjoy clothes like I have, after all these years of being tom boys? Does she like things I do? Has she really enjoyed and liked all the gifts I sent to her or was she just polite because she thought that was the right thing to do?I don’t even know her favourite colour.
There isn’t much I know about her.All I know of her is what has been communicated over the telephone or internet over all these years. I didn’t even know what she wrote for her second name until recently. I started to think of where life had taken her.How really far she is.So what we pride on being best friends for so long.Or shall I say feel pride, 16 years later we still call each other best friends.
I felt a little torn apart and a lot of pain .I wasn’t sure if I should pride myself in knowing her for so long and still feeling a connection inspite of all the odds or to question my very basis of calling her my best friend. Some of the misunderstanding we have had over the last couple of months now make more sense to me.I reckon we both had expectations from the other which didn’t match up and hence the discordance.That too we managed to put aside.I hope.
I don’t want to keep hoping.I don’t want the tag of best friends.I would like to know her now.I want to know if we would still like each other if we had to start from ground zero.I want to see what it would be like to befriend her now.I really want to get to know my friend for who she is today and not hang on to what I think of her from what I knew of her from years ago.
I would really like a new shot at being best friends again.