A shot at being Best friends!

With a whole afternoon to spare I decided to go to Delhi Haat. There are several small stores essentially selling clothes from different parts of the country.There is also a food court that provides with popular foods from different parts of the country.A lot of times there are theme based exhibitions going on.This week was celebrating women.Ugh! An issue I really don’t understand but Delhi Haat was colourful, vibrant, busy and very entertaining.

As I walked stall to stall I started to think of my best friend. I often think of her. I miss her.I miss the girl I once knew.The girl who had painstakingly made cards for me when our friendship was just blossoming.Who has heard me talk hours on end.Who taught me French when I was weak in the language.Who wasn’t embarassed about being possesive about me when I got close to one of her own friends.Who shared my passion of becoming a doctor.Who seemed more proud of me than I had ever felt about me.Who has always given a patient and non-judgemental ear to me.Who has always been the more mature and forgiving between the two of us. Who always did the right thing.Who made the effort to come and meet me when I was in England.Who most of my family think is my family.

Living in separate countries for almost 12 years now there is a lot of obvious physical distance between us.That day in Delhi Haat I thought of the huge gap in thought and emotions that was not so obvious.I wasn’t with her when she graduated. I was not the one to give her hugs and hear her cry over her first heart break.We did not try our first alcoholic drink together.We have never taken a trip together.I have never been around to celebrate her success.I haven’t been one of those friends she talks about when she has had a galla time with ‘her friends’.

I wanted to buy her some thing.Some thing worth her big day that awaits her.I don’t know what she likes.Has she grown to enjoy clothes like I have, after all these years of being tom boys? Does she like things I do? Has she really enjoyed and liked all the gifts I sent to her or was she just polite because she thought that was the right thing to do?I don’t even know her favourite colour.

There isn’t much I know about her.All I know of her is what has been communicated over the telephone or internet over all these years. I didn’t even know what she wrote for her second name until recently. I started to think of where life had taken her.How really far she is.So what we pride on being best friends for so long.Or shall I say feel pride, 16 years later we still call each other best friends.

I felt a little torn apart and a lot of pain .I wasn’t sure if I should pride myself in knowing her for so long and still feeling a connection inspite of all the odds or to question my very basis of calling her my best friend. Some of the misunderstanding we have had over the last couple of months now make more sense to me.I reckon we both had expectations from the other which didn’t match up and hence the discordance.That too we managed to put aside.I hope.

I don’t want to keep hoping.I don’t want the tag of best friends.I would like to know her now.I want to know if we would still like each other if we had to start from ground zero.I want to see what it would be like to befriend her now.I really want to get to know my friend for who she is today and not hang on to what I think of her from what I knew of her from years ago.

I would really like a new shot at being best friends again.

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16 Comments

Filed under A first, Abstract, Communication, Confusion, Emotions, Expectations, Friends, Life, Pain, People, Personal, Questions., Rants, Relationships, Sad, Thoughts, Wishes

16 responses to “A shot at being Best friends!

  1. Hey, I like this post. Real and simple! Good luck with your attempt. 🙂

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  2. Richa:
    It is real alright, I do wish things were that simple.Thanks for your wishes.

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  3. So many years after
    neither of you can be the same person
    that you once were when you first became ‘friends’.
    Neither can the meaning of ‘friendship’.
    It is a lot easier to form strong friendships when young, and easily.
    Not the same when your personal priorities have changed or are changing.

    Treasure all your memories of before,
    for you may need to start afresh
    and not be disappointed if this time around
    being friends does not feel the same.
    because it cannot and will not.

    Sixteen years is a long long time.

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  4. Little Indian:
    We aren’t the same people.I agree we cannot be.And we have grown up or lets say matured differently due to our different experiences that some times it gets hard to understand the other person.We are both aware of that.But some times just some times I wish we didn’t hang to our friendship because it has been through so much but inspite of the fact that we have been through so much.

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  5. Its never too late to begin.
    Its never too late to bridge the gap.
    Time destroys and heals.
    Goodluck.

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  6. I am not sure what you mean here, when you say,
    ...”But some times just some times I wish we didn’t hang to our friendship because it has been through so much but inspite of the fact that we have been through so much”

    Do you regret you kept contact the way you did?
    Do you feel guilty that you kept in touch only, but not as a ‘friend’?

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  7. Wow! rediscovering an old friendship..that’s bound to be tough…especially when you would inevitably ending up comparing what u thought of her before and what she is now..possibly u might feel at many times- she wasn’t like this before..good luck…an old friend is always well worth the effort i’m sure 🙂

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  8. Oi! I’m back!!! Come and visit me sometime! 🙂

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  9. Karuna:
    There is no gap or friendship lost.Some times I feel there comes a strain in long standing friendships which I don’t ever want to feel.

    Little Indian:
    So many times when we are angry or really want to speak our minds out which can be offensive we stop in our tracks just because we think we have known a person for too long, or a particular relationship has been going on for sometime so the current problem will tide over.Or even positive things for that matter.I don’t want this taking for ganted attitude, or rather a resigning attitude.I would like for each experience to be treated individually and dealt with it as such.I hope this makes sense now.

    Lil Missy:
    That is exactly my question, just because some one is an “old friend” does everything become worth it.And this question not just for me but also the person who is my friend.I believe if one feels strained in a relationship but cannot speak out because the relationship dates back so long is not really a developing relationship.Some where communication has stopped and some where this relationship is going to snap.

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  10. Wishfulthinker:
    I already have. :)..Really so when are the wedding dates. 😛

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  11. What you really have is a person who you have known for a while.
    A long while.

    Somewhere over the years you have stopped being ‘friends’.
    You want to give a “new shot to be best friends” again.
    Do you really want to?

    I had read this somewhere, in translation it would say
    “Friendship is like a piece of string
    if it breaks, you can fix it
    but the knot in it will stay for ever”.

    Can you live with that knot?

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  12. Little Indian:
    I read your interpretation of my write up.How ever this wasn’t what I was trying to say.I could go into lenghts at explaining myself but then this is a blog not a forum hence will leave it at that.

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  13. You know its never too late to say ‘you mean the world to me’ 🙂

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  14. Grey Shades:
    Thanks I will remember that. * big warm smile*

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  15. perspectiveinc

    I agree, it really is never too late! Good luck!

    Like

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