With all the moving around and instabilty in place and people I find myself in a spot some times to connect to people places.Some times even emotions.
When I came back to my city I thought I would be ok.Didn’t take too long to realise that I was a stranger in my own home.None of my friends were here, some of my favourite haunts don’t exist anymore.Places I’ve known in my teens don’t look the same.People have grown older, culture has changed.I don’t remember the roads or the ways.I’ve been very lost the past couple of months.
But then I’ve been lost for a long time.I now kind of enjoy the confusion.It is ok not to love a place too much.It is ok not to get too comfortable in a spot.It is ok not to get too close to a person.The weather doesn’t bother me.I can eat anything.I’ll understand if people don’t call.I understand if relationships dissolve.
I don’t expect anything out of people and to an extent I don’t want people to expect anything from me. Deep down I know I will move again.Every thing will be better in the new place.I continue to hope.
I am not sure if it is really commitment I fear, or is it the excitement I yearn for.Do I know where my roots are? Do I know where will I finally build my nest? In place, in thought, in person.I don’t know yet.But I am keen to find out.